Disclaimer: This is the Monday Evening Death Match Preview Show! This is not a popularity contest. All contestants and participants are taken from the War Room over
a disagreement, flame war, or just a plain old pig butt nasty insult throwing. Even though the author may have an opinion
about the flame war, he will not let it be known through these stories. The winners are decided in a fair effective
manner. Some of the things said may
upset some readers. So if you have a
weak heart, stomach, or head, have a seizure condition, or any other type of
medical condition that may be set off by low brow humor, I suggest you stop
reading now. I will not be held
responsible if you are shocked, sickened, or upset over what you read, after
all I warned you. And as a reminder,
please ensure you do not try any of the moves in the story at home, as they are
done by highly trained letters with years of experience. Anyway it is just a story! Enjoy!
The Internet screens across the globe glow in a eerie glow as an announcement comes across their screens…
Ladies and Gentleman please stay tuned for a special presentation of FNWRDM, this show is rated PG-13 and includes some strong language and violent content…
The screen changes once again as a new message
appears…
Weird Ass Sports in Co-operation with Tridus Inc. would like
to
Present for your entertainment
A special Presentation of FNWRDM
It’s Monday and that means the
Monday Evening Death Match Preview Show!!!
The monitors change again to show ravage fans as the
scream and yell into the camera. The
camera swings around to a man as he sits on his stool with a microphone in
hand. The man picks up the microphone
and places it to his lips…
Announcer Dude- Greetings and salutations Death Match
fanatics. It is Monday, and do you know
where you are? * The fans cheer wildly as they know what is coming next *
That’s right fight fans, it is that time once again when Mayhem and Madness
meet head on, I am of course referring to the Monday Evening Death Match Preview
Show! I am of course your announcer,
announcer dude. * A group of male fans
remove their shirts to reveal his name spelled out on them as they holler at
him * Okay and without further ado, let’s welcome our facilitator for the
Preview Show, he is the “Iootolah of Rock and Rolla” the man that never bores,
he is of course the millennium man, he is Y2T!
The fight fans go insane with wild cheers as Y2T
comes strolling out. Y2T points his
finger at the crowd as they start chanting “Y2T, Y2T, Y2T”…
Y2T- Ahhh yes my “Tridaholics” the man with the plan
is here to give you all what you yearn for, what you need, and that is not to
be bored EVER, and I mean E-E-E-E-Ever again!
The fans erupt in a tremendous cheer as Y2T makes his
way to the desk and playful tickles Announcer Dude, who laughs then has his
face turn red as the fans laugh at him…
Y2T- All right my “Tridaholics”, well oh well, things
certainly were interesting to say the least last week. And may I add exciting as well, don’t you
all agree * And the fans shake their heads yes as a few of them give a thumbs
up * Well everything from the P.A.V.E and their treatment of Big Sexy Stefan,
who might I add has been given his name and title back. I think it has something to do with that
private meeting he had with that snooty lady leader of P.A.V.E. But you didn’t hear that from me. So anyway, we saw probably one of the most
exciting matches in quite sometime, as Mister EZ and Osiris were victorious in
defeating AxeCrush and Jerock. I was
slightly miffed though at SL-27 accepting bribes, cause where’s my cut? (Turns
to the camera) You hear me SubLevel, I will be expecting that money any day
now.
Tridus turns smiles and winks at the bearded lady in
the corner…
Y2T- Okay that was the exciting part of the Death
Match last week, now to the boring part.
Well it’s obvious that the nWd * The fans boo really loudly * was the
most boring aspect of last weeks Death Match.
I mean from all of the previous weeks build up, then to do what they
did, was quite the bore. I found myself
having to stay awake for it, I mean MysteryMan had to keep pinching me during
SM_007’s little speech. I mean it was
so blasé. So like him to do that. But I will have to give it up to him for
fooling the lot of us in believing he was dead. I mean that was good, he had me, but the way he came back was,
well, in a word……LAME! * The fans cheer
at that and start a chant “007 sucks, 007 sucks, 007 sucks” * That’s right
fight fans he does do certainly that.
Especially when he is talking, and I can assure you that he will not
bore my “Tridaholics” again like that.
I’m sorry to have to have you all subjected with having to hear his
boring antics with joining the…
Suddenly the fans begin to boo really obnoxiously as
a crashing sound occurs from behind Y2T
Y2T turns around in his chair to see what the fans
are booing about when he sees coming through the door, Peak_Man with Flutie
following behind…
Flutie- Damn it Peak, the knob! You turn the knob! You don’t walk through the doors, you open them!
Peak_Man (Looking at the floor)- Peak been bad, Peak
sorry Flut.
Flutie- It’s all right Peak, you weren’t blessed with
brains, but you definently have the brawn!
Peak_Man (Brightens up)- Peak Big!
Voice coming from behind- Peak need to lose some damn
weight! (As Styx meanders through the door as Peak_Man scowls at him) You
better not look at me like that, or the mood in this room is going to
change! You got me Lump_Man?
Peak_Man doesn’t answer but just walks over to
Flutie…
Flutie- Come on Styx, we are on the same team here
dude, don’t be messin’ with Peak_Man like that.
Styx just scowls and ignores Flutie as another voice
starts to talk…
Voice from outside- Don’t worry Flutie, that’s just
Styx’s way. He don’t mean nothing by
it, (As SM_007 walks through the door, the fans immediately go into a frenzy
with boos) He just hates everyone, (Looks at Styx) don’t ya Styx.
Flutie- Yeah well he doesn’t need to say that, I’m
the only one that gets to pick on Peak_Man.
Peak_Man- Yeah, Flut pick on Peak. Styx no pick on Peak, or Peak make Styx go
squish.
Styx (Approaching Peak_Man)- What you say you big
overgrown, crybaby, son of a bitch!
I’ll kick your damn teeth down your throat boy!
SM_007 (Grabbing onto Styx)- Come on Styx, this isn’t
the time or place right now, just let it go.
We got business to take care of.
Styx doesn’t say anything just nods and looks at
Peak_Man and points at him with a sneer on his face. Peak_Man being held back by Flutie growls and slaps at Styx as he
turns around. Styx turns back around
and smacks Peak_Mans hand away as Peak grabs it with his other hand in pain…
Y2T- You know what I hate to upset your family feud
here ladies, but I’ve got a show to run.
Flutie- Indeed punk, and that’s what we are here
about.
Y2T (Acting cocky)- * Start Sarcasm *A duh-huh, my
name is Flute, and I’m a death match guy, duh-huh, it’s time for nWd business duh-huh, cause I’m a Flute, duh-huh. * End
Sarcasm * (Y2T makes his hand into an L-shape and puts it up to his forehead)
Losers!
Peak_Man (Giggles)- Heh, heh, heh, he funny, me like
funny!
Flutie slaps Peak_Man in the arm as he turns and
pouts at Flutie for hitting him.
SM_007- Here Tridus let me get you a nice warm cup of
“Shut the Hell Up”! * As he points in Y2T’s face *
Y2T looks at SM_007 and doesn’t say anything…
SM_007 (Grabs the mic that Announcer Dude has)- *
While shoving Announcer Dude away * Get away from me Jabronie, before I lay the
nWd smackdown on you! (Announcer Dude backs away and
gets behind Y2T) All right and with the
interruptions done, let me start off first by saying……And Finally! 007 has made it to! The Preview Show! * The fans start to boo and hiss and throw
Styrofoam cups at him * (To the fans) Stop it you damn pieces of monkey
crap. The great one is hear speaking to
you and this is the way you re-pay him for coming out here and gracing you with
his presence? By throwing your cheap
beer and soda at him! You pieces of monkey
crap don’t deserve the great one’s presence!
You don’t deserve him to raise the nWd eyebrow! But you certainly do deserve the privilege
of seeing the great one lay the smack down on your roody-poo candy asses!
The crowd boos even more and starts to chant
“Asshole, Asshole, Asshole” as Tridus just smiles…
Y2T (Grabbing another mic)- Hey SM, in case you
didn’t hear what the “Tridaholics” are saying.
They are calling you an “asshole”.
SM_007 doesn’t say anything to Y2T, but just sneers
at the fans as they continue the chant.
He then looks at Tridus, up, then down, then back up to his face. Raises his hand with a finger extended in
Y2T’s face and lifts the nWd eyebrow and pulls the mic back up to
his mouth…
SM_007- The great one told you before to shut your
mouth and know your role Jabronie! So
do it, and do it quick, you are out-numbered and out-gunned here and I don’t
think you want to shoot off your wise ass mouth. Now I know you are probably thinking why 007, why did you join
the nWd 007, why?
Well it’s simple, because you are a roody-poo candy ass Tridus, and I
intend to smack you up, down, side to side, on the ground, in the air, hell,
just about everywhere!
Y2T- * Yawn * Ohhh poor SM_007, still needing to use
nursery rhymes to get by are ya? It
seems to me that you all are the ones that need the damn wake up call, don’t ya
think, punk?
SM_007- 007 don’t give a damn about no wake up call,
but I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you
go outside, get in that beat up used Volvo of yours…
Flutie (Snickering to himself)- Ha, ha, ha Volvo,
good one, I have to remember that.
SM_007 (To Flutie)- Shut up Jabronie, 007 is talking
here. So you take that nice Volvo of
yours, you drive down Jabronie Drive.
Take yourself a left on Know Your Role Boulevard and stop at the
Smackdown Hotel. There you will be
greeted by some Jabronie in a little cap, he will take you and your bags and
check you into your room. Now, get
comfortable in that room. Lay your head
down and go to sleep. Then at 6 am I
will come in and give you a wake up call by laying the smack down on your sad
silly tired ass!
Y2T- * Sigh * All right what the hell do you want
anyway Sailor Moon? I mean you come in
here acting like you want something, so just spit is out, cause it is starting
to * Yawn * bore me.
SM_007 (Leans in close to Y2T)- What I want is
irrelevant Jabronie. For I will take
what I want. And I want what you have,
control of these Death Matches. Now
give it over. (His eyes narrow on Y2T) Or we will run right over you.
Y2T (Pulls out a piece of paper and reads from it)- To whom it may concern, Tridus has been given all legal, production, and booking rights to the Friday Night Death Matches on an Interim basis until my arrival back. If anything shall happen to Tridus during his time as Interim manager of the Death Matches, power will fall to back to myself. Signed Sid6.9.
SM_007 (Grabbing the piece of paper)- What the? Bullshit, let me see that!
Y2T- You do see the notarized tag at the bottom right. Well that means I am now your worst
nightmare son. And as Sid6.9 has proved
in the past, it is not wise to piss off the boss.
SM_007- This doesn’t mean shit.
I can still kill you, and there isn’t anything that Sid6.9 can do about
it. I can’t believe that candy ass put
you in charge anyway. A Jabronie like
you couldn’t even manage to take care of whipping his own ass, much less run
this com…
Y2T (Smiles)- You know what, I just had a great idea. I think the 4 of you would make great
participants in this week’s match-up!
Yeah, that would be cool, don’t you think Sailor Moon?
SM_007- The great one doesn’t care for your little match-up.
Y2T- So you all accept.
Flutie- Who the hell is our opponents Smackballs?
Y2T (Looks at Flutie)- Oh I think I can scare up some challengers for
you all. But you will all have to wait
until Friday to find out.
SM_007- You know what, 007 don’t give a damn on what roody-poo candy
asses you get to face us this week. nWd is
strong, and there is no one out there that can stop us, if ya
smell-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la what 007 (Cocks his head, pulls down the
ray-bans, cocks the nWd eyebrow) is cooking!
And with that the nWd departs the
Preview Show room amongst a chorus of boos from the fans. Y2T just smiles as they depart.
Y2T- Okay well, there you have it fight fans, heh, heh, the nWd will be battling it out this Friday. Who will they be fighting them though? Well tune in this Friday to find out, until
then remember to keep one foot in the gutter and one fist up someones ass, and
even you! Can be on Friday Night War
Room Death Match!
As the Credits roll…
Announcer Dude- FNWRDM is brought to in part by Weird Ass Sports, a
subsidiary to Tridus Inc. The Inc. that
runs this shit!
©FNWRDM™ Friday Night War Room Death Match™
is the sole property of Sid6.9 Enterprises. Any and all rebroadcasts are
strictly prohibited without prior written consent from Sid6.9 Enterprises