Disclaimer: This is the Monday Evening Death Match Preview Show! This is not a popularity contest. All contestants and participants are taken from the War Room over
a disagreement, flame war, or just a plain old pig butt nasty insult throwing. Even though the author may have an opinion
about the flame war, he will not let it be known through these stories. The winners are decided in a fair effective
manner. Some of the things said may
upset some readers. So if you have a
weak heart, stomach, or head, have a seizure condition, or any other type of
medical condition that may be set off by low brow humor, I suggest you stop
reading now. I will not be held
responsible if you are shocked, sickened, or upset over what you read, after
all I warned you. And as a reminder,
please ensure you do not try any of the moves in the story at home, as they are
done by highly trained letters with years of experience. Anyway it is just a story! Enjoy!
The Internet Screens pop to life as words spread across the monitors…
Of
Next Weeks
Friday Night War
Room Death Match
It is time once
again for…
Monday Evening
Death Match
Preview
Show!!!
The words then disappear as a shot from inside a room shows a man sitting on a wooden stool by the desk.
Announcer Dude- Welcome ladies and gentleman, it is Monday Evening, and
you now what the means! * The in-house fans cheer “Preview Show! Preview
Show! Preview Show!” * Yes that is
right Fight Fans, it is the #1 Preview Show on the net! And that means excitement, as we are about
to bring you another Preview of Death and Destruction! So without further ado, here’s your
facilitator for the Death Matches, Sid6.9!
The lights switch to where Sid6.9 comes out, the curtains sway briefly
and then out steps Y2T in a suit. The
fans stop and stare as their jaws drop and hit the floors…
Y2T (Taking the mic)- Yes that’s right my “Tridaholics” guess whos in
the houseeeeeee!
The fans all look at him not knowing what exactly to do. One fan screams “Go Y2T go!”
Y2T- Now I know Fight Fans, you are wondering what the “Iootolah of
Rock and Rolla” would be out here doing what Sid6.9 should be doing. It is quite simple Fight Fans, the boredom
of what has been going on here reeks.
Sid6.9 realized that, and he wants the boredom to end, he wants my
“Tridaholics” to stand up and cheer again!
He wants, the one and only Y2T to take control and return the fun to the
Death Matches. So here I am, your hero,
your host, your Y2T, and your new boss!
The fans start to chant “Y2T, Y2T, Y2T!” Except for a select few
individuals that are wearing nWd T-shirts who
only boo at Tridus. Y2T sees these fans
and hears their boos…
Y2T (Sitting down in his chair)- Well fight fans it seems some devious
things have been undertaking the Death Matches lately. It seems they * Pointing to the fans with
the nWd shirts on * want you all to believe
that I had something to do with the death of British last week. I can assure you fight fans I had nothing to
do with these preposterous acts of lunacy.
Y2T believes in fair play, and that the Death Matches mean just that, to
die in the ring, and not attacking people in the back. I’m telling you that neither Sid6.9,
MysteryMan, or I were doing these attacks.
I ask for you to believe me…
nWd shirt man- That’s Bullshit dude, we
all know that you are the biggest liar!
Y2T- Ahh, my miss understood “Tridaholic”, all will be made right
again, I assure you. But lets take a
look at what happened last week. It all
started when MysteryMan and myself made our way to do commentary, MM was a
little to over-eager in being out in front of the audience. So I sent him to the back. Then the nWd
came out * The fans in the nWd T-shirts begin
to shout “Flutie, Flutie, Flutie!”* Yes, I know you think he tells you the
truth, but let me finish.
Y2T looks back at the camera…
Y2T- So, they come out and do their spiel. Then the lights go out, the scary voice comes on and British
disappears…
Y2T- Now I ask you, do you honestly think I took British when I was
sitting out there.
The fans all shrug, but the guys in the shirts yell “Yeah then what
about MysteryMan?”
Y2T- Do you honestly believe that a young upstart like MysteryMan, no
pay in mind he will be someone someday, but do you think he would be able to
attack, pacify and drag British to the back?
British is a seasoned veteran, would a rookie be able to do that to him?
The fans all nod agreeing that MysteryMan couldn’t. The T-shirt guys yell “Yeah but he was found
in your locker room.”
Y2T- Well of course, someone is trying to blame me. I mean I always have had problems with
Flutie, but not with Deathwish or British.
Why would I kill them, when all I have to do is ask for a match with
Flutie? Hmmm? It seems someone is doing this on purpose. I’m telling you fight fans, I didn’t have
anything to do with it. And now that I
am in charge, I will get to the bottom of it.
The fans all nod and start to cheer again, the nWd T-shirt fans just grumble to themselves…
Y2T- Okay, and to start things off on the right foot, we are going to
be offering up a dozy of a match in the first week of the Tridus Campaign as
your Death Match host. This match is one
that was booked yesterday, but I can assure you fight fans, you will not be
bored by it, I assure you of that. But
let’s get to Master Sidious and Big Sexy for the announcement. Not that I couldn’t do it, but they need air
time as well, while you all stay here and bask in the glory that is Y2T…
The cameras switch to show Master Sidious…
Master Sidious- Well, umm, thanks I guess Tridus, but where is
Sid6.9? I don’t like the fact that we
weren’t told of you taking over.
Y2T- Well rest assured Sidious, you are on a need to know basis, and
right now, you don’t need to know. But
I will be taking good care of my announcing team, I can assure you that.
MS- Like you did to British?
Y2T (Laughs)- No, no Sidious, I think you will be pleased to find a
special something in your mailbox when you get done with the show.
MS- If it’s a severed hand, I’ll be very disappointed Y2T.
Y2T- It is not, and like I said to them * motioning at the fans *, the
“Iootolah of Rock and Rolla” does not attack people from behind, and I always
do the right thing. You have to trust
me Sidious, I assure you I did not do what they, whoever they are, are painting
me out to be.
MS- Well I guess I am overreacting a bit, but still, it seems odd that
you are taking over for Sid6.9. But I
see from the fax I just received, that he has given you full temporary control.
Y2T just nods at Sidious and puts his feet up on the desk. The split screen disappears as Sidious
continues…
MS- Well welcome once again Fight Fans. We are about to announce a new match for this Friday, but first,
lets welcome my partner in crime, he is the “Playboy of Pluto”, the “Black and
Decker Booty Wrecker” and the man that once tamed Madeline Albrights
shrew! He is of course, Big Sexy
Stefan! * All the in-house ladies
scream “Tame my Shrew Big Sexy, Tame it, Tame it now big daddy!”*
The cameras pan back as Big Sexy stands and salutes the ladies…
BSS- Oh yeah, Big Sexy is home, and don’t worry ladies, even though I
had men going for my bat, I can assure you that the “Human Love Machine” is a
ladies only club baby, yeah. * The
ladies all scream for the HLM as Big Sexy dances about *
MS- Heh, heh okay Big Sexy, that’s enough now. What a match we had last Friday too. I never thought that you would make such a big
impact, but you did.
BSS- Yeah, well, that nightmare is over, and I am now where I belong,
behind the mic and not in the ring.
MS- Well it could happen again Big Sexy, but not today though, heh heh.
BSS- Not if I have anything to say about it Sidious, and well, I guess
I don’t so, umm, well, nevermind. Let’s
go onto this week’s match-up.
MS- Yes, this week is going to be one hell of a match-up as Tridus
spared no expense, or should I say LordDebt Angel’s expense as he sprung for
this match.
BSS- Yep, and I do a lot of springing to, especially later tonight,
heh, heh.
MS- I’m sure you will Big Sexy.
But let’s take a look at to how this match came about.
BSS- Okay, well this weeks match-up is going to be a tag-team war. If you remember our first tag-team flame war
in the first season, you know anything can, and usually does happen. Anyway, this match is one dozy of a match. It seems that one of the competitors hates
the fact that people upgrade their computers even though he thinks they only
use it for games. A lot of angry
people, including his foes, replied to it.
Heh, heh, even our illustrious new leader Tridus responded to it. But this man wasn’t without an ally as
another gentleman jumped out and agreed to every word this man said, well,
that’s where he found a partner.
MS- Indeed he did too, but unlike the tag-team flame war from the first
season. Y2T decreed that tagging in is
not necessary and has deemed that all 4 participants will be in the ring at the
same time. This will certainly make it
interesting. But it doesn’t stop
there. There is one more added
attraction that Tridus added to this match, but I’ll save that for the
end. Big Sexy, tell the fight fans
about the first man in the tag-team war…
BSS- Okay Sidious, well this first fighter lives in the land of the
giants! And I don’t mean jolly green
ones either. This fighter is one mean
hombre, and will take your head off at any opportunity he gets. He is very
despised, but that won’t upset him, for this man is of course AxeCrush! * Loud
boos go up from the audience * This fighter is very tall at 6’8”, and at 330lbs
is quite the heavy competitor. But what
his size makes up for, his speed and agility certainly do suffer immensely. This fighter has been only known to run when
he hears the dinner bell chiming. But
still, his size does make up for it, and with moves like “Crushers Hand-Job”
and the “Cracker Man” will leave a foe feeling like he should have stayed
home. But this mans finisher in the
“Axe Man Cometh” will be one that you won’t write home about, as you will be
dead.
MS- Wow, the “Axe Man Cometh” that doesn’t sound very pleasant. Well lets look at his partner for this
bout. He is the man from Cheesehead,
Wisconsin. This fighter isn’t exactly
the biggest member to ever fight in the death matches, in fact, he is the
smallest we ever had. Even smaller than
Y2T, but barely. He always agrees with
whatever AxeCrush tells him to do, he is of course Jerock! * More boos from the
in-house audience * Now this man may be short, but he is built very
sturdy. He has been known to take risks
though, whether it be in the ring, or agreeing to some weird message that is
posted. But this fighter will certainly
give it his all when it comes to AxeCrush!
With move like “Rolling Power Punch” and the “Sweeping Foot of Doom” can
leave you on the mat for good. But his
finisher in the “Rock Stretch” will certainly stretch your life from you.
BSS- Heh, heh, Rolling Power Punch, I once say Jackie Chan do that, I
can’t wait to see if he can pull it off.
Lets look at the tale of the tape for them!
MS- Right Big Sexy, here’s the Tale of the Tape for AxeCrush and
Jerock!
Tale of the Tape----------------------------------------AxeCrush------------------Jerock
Ø Height-------------------------------------- 6’8”
------------------- 5’4 ½”
Ø Weight-------------------------------------- 330
------------------- 136
Ø Reach--------------------------------------- 38”
------------------- 24”
Ø Arms---------------------------------------- 24”
------------------- 15 ½”
Ø Forearms------------------------------------ 14”
------------------ 11”
Ø Fist------------------------------------------ 12”
------------------- 8”
Extended Tale of the
Tape-----------------------------AxeCrush-----------------Jerock
Ø Strength------------------------------------- 9
----------------- 4
Ø Speed---------------------------------------- 2
----------------- 7
Ø Stamina------------------------------------- 7
----------------- 5
Ø Endurance---------------------------------- 3
----------------- 6
Ø Vision--------------------------------------- 6
----------------- 5
Ø Ability to Strike
Opponents------------- 45% ----------------- 73%
Ø Ability to Defend
Attacks--------------- 25% ----------------- 64%
Ø Ability to
Perform Power Moves------ 90% ----------------- 32%
Ø Ability to Absorb
Power Moves------- 82% ----------------- 41%
MS- All right, well there are our first participants in this Tag-Team
War of Words. Now let’s take a look at
just who their competitors will be, hey Sexy?
BSS- Absolutely MS, well these guys are no strangers to the Death
Matches as they were here with us last week, and one of them wanted my bat as
well, fricking homo. Anyway, the first
man is from the land of The Sightful Eye.
He is one lean and mean competitor, he is of course Osiris! And you know what Sidious, we have been
calling him his name wrong all this time.
MS- Heh, heh opps, sorry dude.
BSS- Osiris is one hell of a acrobatic fighter. He does though have a problem with keeping
up with his competitors however, as we hear he smokes too much. But that won’t stop him from pulling off
some outstanding moves. This fighter as
well, as you may have guessed from now, has tremendous Vision, which allows to
see his competitors coming from a mile away.
Some moves this fighter uses in his arsenal are, the “MP3 Detonator” and
the “Flying Flaming Forearm” or “Three F’s” for short…
MS- Hey isn’t that the move that Disgruntled Gamer made famous?
BSS- Yes, it is, it will be interesting to see if he can pull it off as
well as DG did. But his last move leaves
mystery and doubt in my mind as it is known as “Trapped in the Minds Osiris”!
MS- Wow he certainly has some interesting moves, “MP3 Detonator”! I’m really looking forward to seeing
that!
BSS- As am I Sidious, and from what I hear, it can be used as a
finishing move as well.
MS- Okay well, lets take a look at Osiris’s partner for this Tag
War. He is the man from the land of
kicking back. This man is the
Originator of Television Violence!
BSS- Umm, I thought Edge was the first winner, doesn’t that make him
the originator?
MS- Doesn’t say it here Big Sexy, so if he wants the title, he gets it.
BSS- Oh, okay then I decree myself as the Originator of Television
Sexiness!
MS- Umm, I’m sorry BS, but David Hasselhoff has already claimed that
title!
BSS- No, no it can’t be, I mean he already has Baywatch in like every
channel on syndication today, all them beautiful women all around him all the
time, he has the looks, why does he need to steal my thunder all the time
Sidious, why?
MS- Well he doesn’t like to share the lime light I guess BS.
BSS (Looks down then back up, yells and shakes his fist into the sky)-
Damn you Hasselhoff! Damn you to hell!
MS- Okay let’s get back to where we left off. Anyway this man is known as the Originator of Television
Violence, and is the Innovator of Destructive Moves…
BSS- Oo, oo, oo, can I be the Innovator of Porn Moves?
MS- Umm, sorry Big Sexy…
BSS- Hasselhoff?
MS (Shaking his head yes)- Hasselhoff. Yes. Now please let me finish
damn it.
BSS (To himself)- I’m gonna get ya Hasselhoff, oh yes, and your pretty
boy looks too.
MS- Okay well this man is none other that Mister EZ.
BSS- Mystery? Don’t we already
have someone with that name?
MS- Dang it Big Sexy, it’s Mister, like Mr. and his last name is
EZ. Like easy. Stop interupting me, this is taking to long.
BSS- Sorry MS, I just have to many questions.
MS- Okay well Mister EZ is one disaster waiting to happen. This man comes up with new moves, which I
hear, he shares with all the competitors, in fact we hear he showed Y2T the
“Trident Spear” first…
Y2T (Suddenly appears on the screen)- Lies, it’s all lies, I tell ya
lies! (Then disappears again)
MS- Okay well do you all think I can finish introducing this man! Okay well, this fighter may be big and
tough, and have move after move to show off.
But this fighter does have problems with concentrating on his opponents
and trying to come up with new moves. That could pose a problem, cause if a move
backfires, he could be in big trouble. But I’m sure with moves like the “One Man Russian Head Butt” and
“The Landing” could be finishers in any other persons arsenal, but he uses them
as a set up for the “EZ come, EZ go” move that will definently leave you dead.
BSS (Flipping through a magazine)- There’s Hasselhoff, and there’s
Hasselhoff, oh yeah you are Hasselhoff * As he pulls out a pair of scissors and
begins to cut up the magazine, while giggling *
MS (Looking at Big Sexy)- Ehh, okay, well, lets look at the tale of the
tape for Osiris and Mister EZ while, umm, Big Sexy, takes care of his magazine
here * While looking at Big Sexy wearily *
Tale of the
Tape------------------------------------------Osiris---------------Mister EZ
Ø Height---------------------------------------- 6’
--------------- 6’4”
Ø Weight--------------------------------------- 215 --------------- 275
Ø Reach---------------------------------------- 32” --------------- 35”
Ø Arms----------------------------------------- 15” --------------- 17 ½”
Ø Forearms------------------------------------ 12” --------------- 12 ¾”
Ø Fist------------------------------------------- 9”
--------------- 10”
Extended Tale of the
Tape------------------------------Osiris---------------Mister EZ
Ø Strength-------------------------------------- 6
---------------- 7
Ø Speed----------------------------------------- 6
---------------- 4
Ø Endurance------------------------------------ 3
---------------- 6
Ø Stamina--------------------------------------- 4 ---------------- 6
Ø Vision----------------------------------------- 9
---------------- 5
Ø Ability to Strike
Opponents---------------
54%--------------- 44%
Ø Ability to Defend
Strikes------------------
53%--------------- 36%
Ø Ability to
Perform Power Moves---------
46%--------------- 78%
Ø Ability to Absorb
Power Moves----------
43%--------------- 63%
MS- Well these fighters are primed and ready, but as a feature
attraction. Big announcement concerning
the Referee for the bout, Tridus has procured for us one of the Death Matches
favorite fighters in SubLevel-27 to provide the in ring refereeing. This will be the first Death Match without
our illustrious Shockwave in the pin stripped suit, but that doesn’t mean he
won’t be there, as he will join us in doing special commentary! So join us this Friday when Death and
Destruction go head on in the Tag Team Feud- War of the Words! Let’s go back to Y2T now, and we will see you
then. Right Big Sexy? Big Sexy?
Big Sexy (Ignoring Sidious)- Oh yes Hasselhoff you will pay, oh yes you
will!
MS- Okay, well lets kick it back to Tridus then…
Y2T- All right “Tridaholics” you heard them, so be there Friday, where
you all can marvel at me! Until then keep
one foot in the gutter and one fist up someones ass, and even you can be on
Friday Night War Room Death Match!
The credits roll as the announcer talks…
Announcer Dude- Friday Night War Room Death Match is brought to you in
part by Weird Ass Sports, a subsidiary to Tridus Inc. The Inc. that now wears the pants!
©FNWRDM™ Friday Night War Room Death Match™ is the
sole property of Sid6.9 Enterprises. Any and all rebroadcasts are strictly
prohibited without prior written consent from Sid6.9 Enterprises