Disclaimer: This is the Friday Night War Room Death Matches! This is not a popularity contest. All contestants and participants are taken from the War Room over
a disagreement, flame war, or just a plain old pig butt nasty insult throwing. Even though the author may have an opinion
about the flame war, he will not let it be known through these stories. The winners are decided in a fair effective
manner. Some of the things said may
upset some readers. So if you have a
weak heart, stomach, or head, have a seizure condition, or any other type of
medical condition that may be set off by low brow humor, I suggest you stop
reading now. I will not be held
responsible if you are shocked, sickened, or upset over what you read, after
all I warned you. And as a reminder,
please ensure you do not try any of the moves in the story at home, as they are
done by highly trained letters with years of experience. Anyway it is just a story! Enjoy!
Suddenly the words, please stay tuned for a special Death Match announcement comes across the TV screens around the world…
Then the screen switches to see both Master Sidious and Big Sexy
sitting in their chairs…
MS- Well hello fight fans. It
seems we have a lot of interested people in the death matches and had very little
trouble in finding out who our 3 Death Match participants are this week. Right Big Sexy? Coincidentally fight fans the people that were responsible for
choosing our three competitors are Xel~Naga, Osirisis, and Mister EZ!
BSS- Uh-huh.
MS- Okay lets waste little time and get right to our first
competitor. Big Sexy tell the fight
fans about competitor number #1.
BSS- Okay Sidious, our first man hails from the deserts of Nevada. This man is a “Nomad” that searches the
scorched earth for death and mayhem.
Well he will find it this Friday, but not in the sand, it will be found
in our ring. This man is simply known
as BaseVilliN. This fighter is one tall
fellow, but he isn’t exactly got a lot of girth to him. Probably has something to do with the fact
that he lives in the desert. But not
withstanding, those kind of conditions have to make this mans stamina something
else I would say. And with moves like
the “Scorpions Sting” and the “Hot Foot” can certainly give him the
advantage. But his most deadly and
feared move of all has got to be the “Sand Trap” and from what I hear no man
has ever escaped this hold.
MS- Wow, he sounds like one scary individual. Well lets look at the tale of the tape for BaseVilliN.
Tale of the Tape-----------------------------BaseVilliN
·
Height---------------------------6’3”
·
Weight--------------------------180
·
Reach----------------------------37”
·
Arms-----------------------------15 ½”
·
Forearms------------------------ 8”
·
Fist-------------------------------9 ¾”
Extended Tale of the Tape-----------------BaseVilliN
·
Power--------------------------- 4
·
Speed---------------------------- 6
·
Endurance---------------------- 7
·
Stamina------------------------- 9
·
Vision--------------------------- 5
·
Ability to strike opponents---------46%
·
Ability to defend strikes------------65%
·
Ability to perform Power moves—36%
·
Ability to absorb Power moves---89%
BSS- Wow this guy is like a human punching bag Sidious. He sure doesn’t have much power, but boy I
hear he can take some big shots and keep on coming right back.
MS- Yep, and he will to, as his opponent is one that gives out the big
shots! This man hails from Quebec,
Canada! This fighter is known
throughout the Great White North by the name of Mech/ S Rogue. And let me tell you all, this man loves to
fight. A boxer by trade, this fighter
was hurt in the ring by a sucker punch, resulting in lost vision in one of his
eyes. That is his one disadvantage in
that he has trouble establishing where his opponents are. This man is a brawler by nature, but with
his vision problems, misses opponents quite often. This explains why he quit boxing. He uses a variety of specialty moves that are really devastating,
like the “Hammer Time” and the “Kidney Killers” will definently knock you on
your ass, but his finisher is feared among all fighters in the “Doomsday
Device” that well, speaks for itself.
BSS- Ooooo, a boxer, that’s pretty cool. Heh, heh having a boxer on St. Patrick’s Day is just what we
need, with it being an Irish Holiday and all.
But what with that slashed name?
I mean we should call him either Mech or S Rogue don’t you think
Sidious?
MS- I couldn’t agree more Big Sexy.
But I think we will decide that on the show this Friday lets look at the
tale of the tape for Mech/S Rogue.
·
Height-----------------------6’0”
·
Weight----------------------235
·
Reach-----------------------31 ¼”
·
Arms------------------------20”
·
Forearms-------------------12”
·
Fist--------------------------11”
Extended Tale of the Tape------------Mech/ S Rogue
·
Power-----------------------8
·
Speed-----------------------7
·
Endurance------------------6
·
Stamina---------------------6
·
Vision-----------------------3
·
Ability to strike opponents---------34%
·
Ability to defend strikes------------25%
·
Ability to perform Power Moves—89%
·
Ability to Absorb Power Moves---65%
MS- Well it seems that “” is one too that can absorb some punishment,
only problem with him is he has trouble hitting his opponents. I’m sure though that when he does, his
opponents don’t forget about it too soon though.
BSS- I’d say not Sidious, this guys power almost matches that of
Peak_Man, and he is faster.
MS- Yep, I’d agree there, well tell the fans about the third competitor
there Big Sexy.
BSS- Okay this last man hails from the land of the Rocky Mountains, and
when I mean this man has got some mad hops, I mean he has got them. He is from of course Colorado, and when this
fighter says “Good day” he really means, “I’m going to chew off your head and
spit it out!” He has no nickname to
speak of, just goes by the name of Kris.
But not withstanding this man is another aerial daredevil, as he will
most often take to the skies. But
unlike his opponents, his strength and endurance are really lacking. In fact, it is said that a strong breeze
would even knock him over. But his
speed really does make up for the lack of power. This fighter employees several variations of flying maneuver’s in
his aerial arsenal. For example the
“Running Tiger Kick” and the “Mountain Top Leg Bomb” are moves that you best be
looking out for. But his finisher in
the “Rocky Mountain High” will leaving you, well, dead.
MS- Hmmm, I wonder why this guy is in the fight, we hardly ever see him
around the War Room. Just luck of the
draw I guess, well lets look at the tale of the tape for Kris.
Tale of the Tape-------------------------Kris
·
Height-----------------------5’8”
·
Weight----------------------179
·
Reach------------------------30”
·
Arms-------------------------15 ½”
·
Forearms---------------------8 ¾”
·
Fist---------------------------8”
Extended Tale of the Tape-------------Kris
·
Power------------------------3
·
Speed-------------------------9
·
Endurance-------------------5
·
Stamina----------------------6
·
Vision------------------------7
·
Ability to strike opponents--------------50%
·
Ability to defend strikes-----------------64%
·
Ability to perform Power Moves-------14%
·
Ability to absorb Power Moves---------35%
BSS- Wow Sidious, this fighter needs to stay on the move, cause if one
of the other guys corners him, this fight could be over in an instant for him.
MS- Yep that’s why he has that speed, needs to keep out of the others
reach and pick his spots to attack.
BSS- Wow Sidious, this is sure shaping up to be a great match this
Friday, much better than last weeks.
MS- Yeah especially with you being in it!
BSS- Umm, what do you mean in it Sidious.
MS- Oh, umm, I mean in here with me, doing commentary, yeah.
BSS (Eyeing Sidious)- Right.
An unknown hand hands Sidious an unknown note…
MS (Reads it quickly)- Oh wow, hey, Sid6.9 just said that for the 3
people that helped to pick this fight, Xel~Naga, Osirisis, and Mister EZ will
receive a guided tour of the backstage area, by none other than himself. Wow, I’m sure the three of them will be
excited about that hey Big Sexy?
BSS- Yeah, yippee, some more Death Match groupies.
MS- Oh come now BS, it’s something I’m sure they will remember, you
just be nice if they come by us okay.
BSS- Yeah you’re right Sidious, I’ll be a nice guy.
MS- Okay so there you have it, this weeks match-up for the Sexy Three
Way, Batters Up!
BSS- Sexy Three Way? Hey I had
a three-way last night.
MS- Big Sexy you have a three-way every night.
BSS- Oh yeah, I do, okay nevermind, but what about the Batters Up
thing, what’s that all about?
MS- You will see on Friday Big Sexy, Friday you will find that out.
BSS (Eyeing Sidious cautiously)- I’m not sure I like this.
MS- Okay Death Match fans, we will see you on Friday where BaseVilliN,
Mech/S Rogue, and Kris will get it on, three way style. Until then I’m Master Sidious and he’s *
Pointing at Big Sexy * is Big Sexy wishing you good night!
As the credits roll…
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Match™ is the sole property of Sid6.9 Enterprises. Any and all rebroadcasts are
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