Disclaimer: This is the Monday Evening Death Match Preview Show! This is not a popularity contest. All contestants and participants are taken from the War Room over
a disagreement, flame war, or just a plain old pig butt nasty insult throwing. Even though the author may have an opinion
about the flame war, he will not let it be known through these stories. The winners are decided in a fair effective
manner. Some of the things said may
upset some readers. So if you have a
weak heart, stomach, or head, have a seizure condition, or any other type of
medical condition that may be set off by low brow humor, I suggest you stop
reading now. I will not be held
responsible if you are shocked, sickened, or upset over what you read, after
all I warned you. And as a reminder,
please ensure you do not try any of the moves in the story at home, as they are
done by highly trained letters with years of experience. Anyway it is just a story! Enjoy!
MONDAY EVENING DEATH MATCH PREVIEW SHOW
Announcer-
Welcome Death Match fans! I am your
announcer, Announcer Dude, and this is the…* The fans take over “Monday Evening Death Match Preview Show!!!”* Yes
that’s right fight fans, this is the show that will look at last weeks Death
Match, talk about what has been going down in the Death Matches, and more
importantly, take a look at the up-coming Friday Night War Room Death Matches!
* The fans cheer uncontrollable *
And without further ado, here is your facilitator for the Monday Evening Death Match Preview Show…….Sid6.9!
* The fans cheer “Sid, Sid, Sid, Sid!”
Sid6.9 walks out
from behind the curtain and walks up to the audience shaking each of their
hands and waving his hands in the air…
Sid6.9- That’s right
who am I and who do you love!
The fans in unison
cheer “Sid, Sid, Sid, Sid!”
Sid6.9- Yes!!! (As
he waves at everybody while walking backwards to his desk)
Sid6.9 (While
sitting)- Well, welcome once again Death Match Fight Fans, I am Sid6.9, and
this of course * While sweeping his hand to the right * is my announcer,
Announcer Dude!
Announcer Dude gets
up and waves his hands around like Sid, but receives nothing but boos as the
fans throw little dill pickles at him…
Sid6.9- Well fight
fans what a match we had last week! We
saw some exciting action didn’t we? * Sid6.9 pulls out a pencil and starts to
tap on the desk with it * We even saw the one and only comedian in Mike Myers
appear on the show!
Announcer Dude- Umm,
yeah, but remember he got the crap beat outta him by the nWd there boss!
Sid6.9- Yeah that’s
true, heh, heh, but that is what you get for coming on the Death Matches. It’s not only for the War Room! Anyone can die on our show at anytime!
Announcer Dude- Yeah
but I hear that they are going to sue us.
Sid6.9 (Pulling out
a sheet of paper)- That’s what waivers are for! I had him sign one before going out! God bless the legal system!
Sid6.9 turns to a
camera over in the corner of the room, stands up, strikes the porn star pose,
and immediately sits back down…
Sid6.9- Well enough
with the legal mumbo-jumbo, let’s get back to last weeks action shall we? * The fans scream “We want this weeks, we
want this weeks!”
Sid6.9- All in good
time my friends all in good time. Well
last week we got to see the very first exciting match between one CRaZIeMAN who
went against the very upset and large MikeQuake! * The fans cheer “Crazy, Crazy, Crazy!”* Yep, and what a crazy match it was too. We got to see a lot of Crazy happenings as
CRaZIeMAN excited the fans with his brand of highflying maneuvers. With how many times he took to the air, I
thought the FAA was going to come in wondering why he wasn’t registered to be
in the air like that.
Sid6.9 looks to his
right at another camera…
Sid6.9- But
MikeQuake had other ideas, as he, in the later stages of the fight was able to
pummel on the Air Borne Ranger in CRaZIeMAN.
But he could never keep his lighter opponent down. Various moves by MikeQuake should have ended
the fight, but he couldn’t capitalize.
But CRaZIeMAN went to the air one too many times and MikeQuake adapted,
and was able to deliver the “Hades Bomb” after several previous failed attempts
to use it. CRaZIeMAN certainly seemed
in trouble when MikeQuake went for his finish in the “Quake-O-Matic”! * The
Fans boo * But it STILL didn’t take care of the CRaZIe one, as he got up! Although the damage that MikeQuake had done
was just too much for CRaZIeMAN as MikeQuake put him into a bear hug that ended
this courageous and tough fighters life!
But something weird took place when he had him in the bear hug. Instead of CRaZIe trying to get out, he
whispered into Quakes ear, and after the fight was over, CRaZIeMAN was dead,
and MikeQuake was, well, acting differently.
Sid6.9 turns and
looks seriously at the camera…
Sid6.9- We haven’t
seen MikeQuake since, but I heard that when he left the building he was begging
for “It” to get out of his head. Just
what is the “It” he was referring too, is beyond me. We will try to keep you all up to date though.
Sid6.9- Well lets
take a look at what else went down at the Death Match. Something happened there, that has me
totally baffled. There was a strange
voice that came over our loud speakers saying that everyone in the Death
Matches were doomed, and such and what not.
Also a bright white zero appeared on the DeathMatch-O-Vision. I can assure you folks that I have nothing
to do with it, and it is not a ploy be me, or anyone related to the Death
Matches to bring in a new fighter. We
are looking into this obvious miss use of the Death Match production equipment
and can assure that all legal action will be taken when we find the
perpetrator(s) of this mis-use. So
beware out there to whoever is doing this, we will find you.
Sid6.9 turns to
another camera and sails a little ship…
Sid6.9- Other
happenings seen, well actually I just saw it on our security cameras. Was a
match that took place on Sunday. It
appears that 2 of my workers got a little frisky and took each other on in the
Death Match ring. Suffice to say, I do
not allow unscheduled matches, especially ones from house staff taking on one
another. In this, well so called
display, we saw Y2T come out and stop a 3 on 1 beating of a young
individual. Although I have taken
action by firing all those involved in that action. Except for Y2T, but he isn’t on my payroll. Sufficed to say, the Death Match ring is not
a play toy my friends and you should not try to emulate your heroes. In short
don’t try these things they do at home, they are professionals.
Note to Readers: If
you did not read the “Death Match Extra!!!” post on Sunday, I suggest you go
here now and read it, so you will not be surprised by a new person and how he
got there. In other words I want no
“Who the hell is MysteryMan and why is he with Tridus?” Here is the link http://home.inforamp.net/~tridus/deathmatches/other_mar0500_extra.html
Sid6.9- Well it is a
new week my friends, so lets get right into this weeks match-up. And for that, lets go to your Death Match
Tag-Team Commentating Duo….Master Sidious and RStefan01! Guys you there? (As Sid looks at the
monitor)
Master Sidious- Yes,
we are here Sid. And may I say to
reiterate what you just said. Fight
fans the things we do should never be done by you at anytime anywhere. What they do took long years of training,
and you could get seriously hurt by trying them yourself, or you could hurt a
friend by trying them, on them, or too them, or with them.
Sid6.9- Exactly
Sidious thanks for reiterating that.
MS- Not a problem
Sid, just want to make sure the fans remain safe.
MS- Well fight fans,
I am Master Sidious your Master of the Mic, and joining me as always is the
“Freak of the Week”, the “Man of Monopoly” and the man that knows that dairy
farms are a great choice for picking up ladies…..Big Sexy Stefan!!! * All the
girls scream and go absolutely crazy *
Big Sexy Stefan-
Ahhhh, yeah, Big Se------x-----y is in d----a HOUSE!!!! * The girls scream incoherent things as
their faces turn red * Ahhh hold on their ladies, cause the Purple Helmeted
Love Warrior is going to visit you all soon enough, yeah baby! * The girls just
scream again * But before that we are here to do the…
Both Together- Monday Evening Death Match Preview Show! * The fans cheer
and wave their homemade signs *
MS- Okay Big Sexy, it is our first week into the new season, and boy oh
boy what a way to kick it off huh?
Big Sexy just turns in his chair away from Sidious…
MS- Umm, BS are you all right * As he tries to peak over Big Sexy’s shoulder.
BSS (Turns more away)- I’m not speaking to you Sidious!
MS- Umm, okay…..
BSS-…
MS- Want to tell my why?
BSS (Turns to face Sidious)- What you did to Dr. Evil was just plain
mean Sidious. All he was trying to do
was have some fun! All I wanted to do
was have some fun with Dr. Evil! And
you spoiled my fun like you always do.
MS (Looking at the camera)- Heh, heh. (Looking back at Big Sexy) Hey BS
I’m really sorry. Honestly! I mean I didn’t know the nWd would do those things to Dr. Evil. I just wanted to do the show, you know. And to be honest, it was quite silly in what
we were doing.
BSS- You always think that!
Whenever I want to have some fun, you always take it away from me!
MS- I’m sorry BS, let me rephrase that. I should have told you first what I was going to do, because it
was too much fun. I mean sure, I could
have played out as Number 1 with you being Number 2 and all, but we needed to
do the show.
BSS (Turns and looks at Sidious again)- I guess he was getting a little
carried away, but still sending him to the “Goon” squad in the back was mean
Sidious.
MS- I know it was Big Sexy, and they didn’t kill him, he can still act
and please you on the silver screen!
BSS- Oh yeah-sure Sidious, with a ironing board stuck up his ass! Like I’m going to be able to not see that!
(Gets a depressed look on his face) And he will never be able to sit and pet
Mr. Bigglesworth again.
MS (Thinking for a moment)- Well then, Mr. Bigglesworth can sit on the
ironing board sticking out of Dr. Evil’s ass then Big Sexy! Ha, ha, ha I could just see it. He yells, “Come Mr. Bigglesworth!” and the
cat runs in and jumps up on the ironing board and where ever he goes, there is
Mr. Bigglesworth with him. Close your
eyes and try to imagine it!
BSS (Closes his eyes tightly and begins to concentrate hard)- Heh,
heh….heh, heh, heh…….Ha, ha, ha, ha look at Mr. Bigglesworth on the ironing
board as Dr. Evil goes walking, ha, ha, ha he looks so funny there, ha, ha,
ha! Oops, he just fell off, get back up
there Mr. Bigglesworth, come on get back on the ironing board sticking out of
daddies ass! Ha, ha, ha, there he
goes! (Big Sexy opens his eyes while
still chuckling) Ha, ha, you were right Sidious, thanks.
MS- No problem, then all is forgiven?
And we can continue the show again?
Compadres once more?
BSS (Sticks his finger in his mouth for a second, then looks at
Sidious)- I love you Sidious! * While grabbing Sidious in a bear hug *
MS (Pushing Big Sexy off of him)- Okay big guy, enough of the hugging,
we are live here.
BSS- Oh yeah, sorry, I tend to get a little emotional.
MS- You can say that again!
BSS- Yep.
MS- Okay so what a first match we did have. We saw MikeQuake come out victorious, but go a little batty there
towards the end. But wow was it a match
to remember.
BSS- All I remember is the one girl that got naked in the front row,
with that tattoo of me on her chest, it was quite breathtaking!
MS- It was, I agree with you there.
So anyway, it is time again for this weeks match-up and boy do we have
one helluva match up this week. Big
Sexy tell the fight fans about this fight came about?
BSS- Sure thing Sidious, well these 2 gentlemen are no strangers too
each other as they have been going tooth and nail with each other in the Diablo
2 forum. Now why do you ask are we
doing a fight featuring men from the D2 Forum.
Well they decided, when the D2Forum was taken off line, too bring their
tussle into the confines of the War Room.
And as you all know, that means they are eligible for the Friday Night
War Room Death Matches, whether they like it or not. Anyway, one of these men thinks it is cool to…..PK? Um, Sidious, what does….P…..K…..stand for?
MS (While shuffling through his papers)- Hmm, doesn’t say here, we will
have to check into that. Continue Big
Sexy, I’m intrigued over here.
BSS- Okay well the PKer see, hates the other competitor who is a…….Umm,
Sidious, here’s another one. What the
hell is a CO-OPer?
MS (Looking at his papers)- Once again BS, I’m stumped just like
you. We will have to find out that one
too. Please continue though.
BSS- Okay well, the PKer, hates the CO-OPer, and the CO-OPer, hates the
PKer. And I think I have to lie down
cause I’m confused.
MS- That’s okay Big Sexy, why don’t you tell the fight fans about the first
fighter…..Umm, the PKer I think.
BSS- Okay, our first competitor hails from the rustic lands of Hades,
Montana. He is the backwoods hillbilly
that is meaner than a junkyard dog!
This man hails from the mystical mountain man group known as INFERNO! He is PegLegBoy! No this fighter may only have one leg, but I tell you folks, that
will not stop him from stomping a mud hole in someones ass! This fighter is extremely unpopular, as he
is from the famous PKer group known as INFERNO. Some say it is not a clan, but I know that when hillbillies get
together, it’s a clan! But even despite
that, this man uses a variety of holds, his “Wheelbarrow Roll” and “Possum
Plunge” are just 2 of the wide range of offensive tactics this mountain man can
make short work of any opponent. Be it
that he has a wide variety of offense, this foe has absolutely no defensive
nature as his first thought is to strike and to strike hard. This mans finisher is known just as “The
Pegging!” And from what I understand,
this gentleman uses that peg leg for his finisher.
MS- Wow that guy sounds like one I wouldn’t want on my team, he could
backstab you at any time!
BSS- Yep he certainly does sound scary. Hey Sidious lets take a look at the tail of the tape for this
fighter!
Tale of the Tape…………………….PegLegBoy
·
Weight…………………...190
·
Height……………………6’3”
·
Reach……………………35”
·
Arms…………………….14 ½”
·
Forearms…………………8”
·
Fist……………………….8 ½”
Extended tail of the Tape…………….PegLegBoy
·
Endurance………………..7
·
Speed…………………….6
·
Strength…………………..4
·
Stamina…………………..8
·
Vision……………………3
·
Ability to strike opponents-----------78% chance to strike
·
Ability to defend strikes--------------42% chance to defend
·
Ability to perform power moves----42% chance to get off a power move
·
Ability to absorb power moves------34% chance to absorb a power move
BSS- Wow Sidious, this guy doesn’t look like he would last in the ring
very long with any of the competitors we previously had.
MS- Don’t let the stats fool you Big Sexy, these mountain men, like
PegLegBoy, are as tough as they come. I
have a feeling we are a little off with these stats on him. But we will find out Friday though. Hey that reminds me, who is his competitor?
BSS- Well Sidious, his competitor hails from the land of make
believe. You know, Hollywood, CA. This man embodies all that is good in
gaming, as he is friendly and courteous.
But don’t be fooled, this fighter can be just as mean and vicious as his
counterpart. This man comes from the
clan known as ALE. He is the man known as Shaidar Hardan! Now while this man may seem like a pleasant
fellow, well he is not. This man has
some defensive skills that he uses to defend and also hurt his opponents. A few of them are the “Jahar Missile Plex”
and the “Jumping Rim Shot”! But pay in
mind folks, that these moves are defensive in nature, so him attacking will be
something of a weak point for this fighter.
But with his opponents nasty nature, I’d say he will be putting his
defensive skills to great use. This
fighter also is not the speediest of our death match participants, even though
his size would suggest that he is. This
man has only one offensive maneuver in his arsenal, and it is his finisher in
the “Dragomars Death Touch”!
MS- Wow he sounds like someone I could get along with.
BSS- Oh don’t be fooled Sidious this man has them there shifty eyes,
and you know what the say about the ones with shifty eyes don’t you?
MS- Umm, no, what do they say?
BSS- They say that, that person is shifty!
MS- Ehhh, okay, well lets look at the tale of the tape for Shaidar
Hardan shall we?
Tale of the Tape………………………..Shaidar Hardan
·
Weight……………………….195
·
Height………………………..5’10”
·
Reach………………………...29 ½”
·
Arms………………………….16”
·
Forearms……………………...10”
·
Fist…………………………….9 ¾”
Extended Tale of the Tape……………..Shaidar
Hardan
·
Endurance……………………6
·
Speed………………………...3
·
Strength………………………7
·
Stamina………………………6
·
Vision………………………..5
·
Ability to strike opponents-----------27% chance to strike
·
Ability to defend strikes--------------71% chance to defend
·
Ability to deliver power moves------62% chance to get off a power move
·
Ability to absorb power moves------43% chance to absorb a power move
MS- Well fight fans there you have it.
We have 2 fighters of totally different styles, one a PKer who like to
attack, and one a CO-OPer that chooses a life of self defense. Just which one of these will break their
molds and use their weakness to their advantage, or vice-versa, which opponent
will use the others weakness to their advantage. Well you will have to tune in this Friday when we will find out
these answers. But until then lets kick
it on back to Sid6.9! And see you on
Friday, where death and dismemberment aren’t just words, they are what Friday’s
are for! * The fans cheer to that as
they cheer this up-coming match-up *
Meanwhile back in the Studio…
Sid6.9- Heh, heh, you have that right Sidious. Well fans there you have it! PegLegBoy of the INFERNO organization vs.
Shaidar Hardan of the ALE corporation.
These 2 fighters are primed and set for this Friday, how about you? Well until then, I’m Sid6.9 saying……Keep one
foot in the gutter and * The Fans take over “And one fist up someones
piehole!”* And even you * Pointing at the camera * Can be on Friday Night War
Room Death Match!!!
As the credits roll…
©FNWRDM™ Friday Night War Room Death Match™ is the
sole property of Sid6.9 Enterprises. Any and all rebroadcasts are strictly
prohibited without prior written consent from Sid6.9 Enterprises