Disclaimer: This is the Friday Night War Room Death Matches! This is not a popularity contest. All contestants and participants are taken from the War Room over a disagreement, flame war, or just a plain old pig butt nasty insult throwing. Even though the author may have an opinion about the flame war, he will not let it be known through these stories. The winners are decided in a fair effective manner. Some of the things said may upset some readers. So if you have a weak heart, stomach, or head, have a seizure condition, or any other type of medical condition that may be set off by low brow humor, I suggest you stop reading now. I will not be held responsible if you are shocked, sickened, or upset over what you read, after all I warned you. And as a reminder, please ensure you do not try any of the moves in the story at home, as they are done by highly trained letters with years of experience. Anyway it is just a story! Enjoy!

Static covers channel 103 over all of the Television sets across America and Canada, then suddenly out of nowhere the screen leaps to life. The static changes to a Purple outline of shapes over a black screen with a low noise sounding like a jet just starting to move down the run way. A voice can be heard coming over…

Voice Over- There comes a time in everyone’s life when life and death meet at the crossroads. A time when decisions must be made at to which crossroad you will go down. For most the road leads to fame and glory, where the other the road leads to horror and a pine box. Tonight you shall bear witness as 2 people like you will be placed at that crossroad face to face. Tonight you will find out who those 2 people are on the…

The screen suddenly explodes into brilliant color as “For whom the bell tolls” by Metallica cranks out leaving the words…

MONDAY EVENING DEATH MATCH PREVIEW SHOW

The words leave the screen as the music continues to crank out, the television screen is replaced by a camera by a group of rowdy in-house fans as the cheer to find out who will battle to the death. The cameras pan to a man who is sitting on a stool by a mahogany desk.

Announcer- Welcome ladies and gentleman, it is Monday, and you all know what that means! * The fans emphatically scream, “Death Match Preview Show!” * That’s right, it is the Death Match Preview Show, I am your announcer, announcer dude, and here is your facilitator for the preview show, Sid6.9!

The fans erupt in a big cheer, as Sid6.9 steps out from behind the curtains with sunglasses on. He waves and walks over to shake the hands of the fans…

Sid6.9 (With his hands up high)- Thank you my friends, thank you. Well it is that time again isn’t it? * The fans cheer “Hell yeah it is” * It is that time again to experience life and death the only way possible, Friday Night War Room Death Match. * The fans cheer loudly at that * But first lets welcome my announcer, announcer dude (As Sid6.9 sweeps his hand towards announcer dude, who gets off his stool and waves his hands in the air like Sid6.9) * The fans just sit there and stare at him *

Announcer Dude- Damn, why don’t I get any respect?

Sid6.9 (To Announcer Dude)- You gotta have a gimmick, that’s how you get cheers.

Announcer Dude (To Sid6.9)- Can I have one then?

Sid6.9 (Thinks for a second)- Umm, no, I don’t think so. (To the cameras)- Well fight fans, what a last Friday we had. We saw a brief re-caps of last years happenings and saw many current fighters thoughts about those fights. And I’d have to say that interview by Big Sexy with Y2T was surely exciting, we hope Big Sexy can continue to bring us these interviews. And we can’t forget about the send off we gave SM_007 into the here after. Like I said before, he will be missed, but we all must move on.

Sid6.9 turns and frowns at the camera opposite him…

Sid6.9- But when some things change, oh how some stay the same. Yesterday at the Open House, once again brought to you by our lord and master the LordDebt Angel, (Turns to a man off stage) What’s up with the lord and master part? (The off stage man shrugs) Oh well, he was gracious enough to help with the financing of the new Death Match so I guess I can put up with it. So anyway, when we thought the nWd were no more, or at least gonna play ball with me, they come out and accost our fans, you, and threaten just about everything we hold dear.

Sid6.9 turns again and paces by the desk…

Sid6.9- Well as some of you witnessed, I came out to face down these thugs. And while things at first were going my way, a chair shot from behind by that lame-o-fag Deathwish, cause the tide to turn in their favor. And I would be lying if I said I wasn’t fearing for my life, cause I was, but luckily for me, Tridus * The fans start to chant “Y2T, Y2T, Y2T”* and Styx came out and helped to make those nWd thugs run off. And a big special thanks goes to our lord and master LordDebt Angel for putting the fear of god into them…(Sid turns to the offstage hand) What does that mean god? Who is writing this stuff. (The off stage hand shrugs) Great, just great, you are a big help. Anyway, I was lucky, but I think I will leave the rough stuff in the meantime to Y2T and Styx instead of me getting involved anymore. Heh heh I mean if I die, who would bring these Death Matches to you all?

Sid6.9 gets a smile on his face as he looks at the audience…

Sid6.9- Well fight fans, we do have a match for this week, although things seem to have calm down quite a bit in the War Room lately. Come on people where is your hatred? I need some death match participants! Well we had to go way back about 3 weeks ago for this death match, but for that announcement lets take you to our Death Match announcing team of Master Sidious and RStefan01! * The fans cheer the anticipation of hearing the first match of the second season * Guys are you there?

Master Sidious- We are here Sid. And Sid, what’s up with the sunglasses?

Sid6.9- Oh umm, I had a little misfortunate accident.

Master Sidious- Really what happened?

Sid6.9- * Sigh * That’s right you were in Seattle tending to business, well I had a little confrontation with the nWd. (Takes his sunglasses off to reveal to shiners under each eye)

Master Sidious- Oh no Sid, you shouldn’t take risks like that, especially with them nWd guys, they are bad news.

Sid6.9- Yeah you are right Sidious, but they really burn my smoke wagon!

Master Sidious- Whoa there Sid, no need for such strong language there. Hey by the way, did you get my fax about my pay raise?

Sid6.9- Yep sure did, and I promise you as soon as I get rid of the interest our lord and master LordDebt Angel has imposed on us I will get back to paying everyone back, with back pay to boot.

Master Sidious- Oh okay, thanks Sid.

Sid6.9- Umm, Sidious, in the future though, lets do this behind closed doors.

Master Sidious- Oh, sorry.

Sid6.9- No problem, so how about that match for this Friday?

Master Sidious- Yep, hey there death match fans, I am Master Sidious, the hostess with the mostess, and joining me here in the rainy city of Seattle is the “Man of the people”, the “Straw in everyones Drink” and the man that gets his freak on every chance he gets, he is….Big Sexy Stefan! * the ladies in the house scream out loud *

Big Sexy Stefan- Ahh yes, that’s right, I am Big Sexy Stefan the Human Love Machine! * The ladies chant “love machine, Love Machine, LOVE MACHINE, LOVE MACHINE” * Ahh hold on there ladies, cause the Big Bad Sex Daddy has got a piston just for you! And believe me ladies, this piston will get your motor hummin, baby, yeah! * The ladies all sigh *

MS- Okay BS, what a show we had last week hey.

BSS- Oh I’ll say, it was sure an exciting Friday for me.

MS- Yes it was, but like we always say, that was then, and this is now!

BSS- Yep.

MS- We have got one heck of a match-up for you all this week, but for a strange reason, we had to go deep into the War Room archives to find this match.

BSS- Yep, these two fighters go back a little ways, and we just couldn’t overlook the opportunity to get them into a death match ring.

MS- Nope, and I’m sure you all will just be as excited as us, to see this match-up. Hey Big Sexy, tell the fight fans a little about how this fight came to be.

BSS- Okay Sidious, well the first fighter is no stranger to accosting the War Room, he is the epitome of evil! He has just about everyone afraid of him as he made a big comeback into the War Room threatening everyone with his brand of evil temperament. Most just tried to ignore him, but with evil, it is somewhat hard to ignore. Well this man eventually found a person that was neither afraid of him, or back down, he went straight for his throat. So we thought that these 2 should meet in our death match ring.

MS- Exactly Big Sexy, lets run down our first competitor.

BSS- I’d love to run this guy down all right, preferably with a Cadillac!

MS- No, no BS, tell the fight fans who the competitor is.

BSS- Oh yeah, sorry, anyway this fighter hails from the demon pits of Hades. He is the true unclean one as his hate knows no bounds. He is the one and only MikeQuake! * The War Room forumers boo and hiss at the sound of his name * This man is hate personified, as he has beat down a many War Roomers with his verbal beat downs. This man, while vile and hated, is one of the most feared. Although very powerful and intimidating, he does have a sense of no defensive attributes, and as we hear it, it may be because of the lack of vision he has. But when this fighter hits you, it is going to hurt. With moves like the “Hades Bomb” he will spell certain doom to any that face him. But the move most need to look out for is the “Quake-o-matic” which just mean automatic death for those caught in this devastating move.

MS- Well, lets see the tale of the tape for MikeQuake. By the way fight fans we have expanded our tale of the tape even further. Lets take a look

Tale of the Tape-------------------------MikeQuake

· Height---------------6’2”

· Weight--------------230

· Arms-----------------19”

· Forearms------------10”

· Fist-------------------11”

· Strength-------------8

· Speed----------------4

· Endurance----------5

· Stamina-------------7

· Mobility-------------5

· Vision---------------4

· Probability to hit-------------------------48%

· Probability to defend--------------------32%

· Ability to apply power moves----------84%

· Probability to absorb power moves----67%

BSS- I tell you Sidious, I just don’t think there is a fighter out there that would be able to stop this mans reign of terror.

MS- Well we certainly have a great challenger for him. This man hails from Crazy Land. And does he live up to that name of crazy, he is the man known as CRaZIeMAN! This fighter has got some tremendous high flying action to display. Although relatively small and not known for his strength, this fighter can be extremely just as ferocious for anyone that gets in his way. This man might have the speed and vision on his side, but he may have problems with Stamina as he has been shown in the past to weaken under pressure. This fighter to lives up to his crazy nature with some of the aerial attacks he employs, such as the “CRaZIe Spider Dive” and the “Paranoia Plancha”. Which will definitely set up his finisher in the “Schizophrenic Mind Bender” one move I’m sure that will leave his foes wanting to dream of happier days!

BSS- Wow he does sound crazy, man I can’t wait for this fight! Lets get to the tale of the tape for CRaZIeMAN!

Tale of the Tape-----------------------CRaZIeMAN

· Height-------------5’7”

· Weight------------169

· Arms--------------14”

· Forearms----------8”

· Fist-----------------8 ¾”

· Strength-----------3

· Speed--------------9

· Endurance---------7

· Stamina------------4

· Mobility-----------7

· Vision--------------8

· Probability to hit--------------------------65%

· Probability to defend---------------------76%

· Ability to apply power moves----------15%

· Probability to absorb power moves----32%

MS- Well fight fans there we have it, MikeQuake vs. CRaZIeMAN! So tune in this Friday when these two will be getting it on!

BSS- I can’t wait Sidious, lets have them do it now!

MS- Patience Big Sexy, we will do it soon enough, oh, and as a special bonus I’m being told that a there will be a special guest commentator with us!

BSS- Really! Cool, who is it?

MS- Doesn’t really say much, but, that he is a very funny character actor that has enjoyed the death matches for quite some time. Well that sounds interesting, doesn’t it Big Sexy?

BSS- Umm, no, not really.

MS- Okay well we will see you this Friday death match fans, so lets take it back to Sid6.9 now.

Back inside the death match preview show room…

Sid6.9- Okay thanks guys, wow, what a match to kick off the second season! We will see you on Friday and remember everyone! Keep one foot in the gutter and… * The fans take over “And one fist up someones piehole”* And even you could be on the Friday Night War Room Death Matches!

As the credits roll…

Announcer Dude- FNWRDM is brought to you in part by Weird Ass Sports, a subsidiary to Tridus Inc. The Inc that paints everyone black and blue!

©FNWRDM™ Friday Night War Room Death Match™ is the sole property of Sid6.9 Enterprises. Any and all rebroadcasts are strictly prohibited without prior written consent from Sid6.9 Enterprises.