The lights come on inside a large dusty room. It has the look of being unkept for quite sometime. A mahogany desk is centered in the room with a stool and a microphone set up just to the side of it. What appears to be several hoses hang from the walls of the room, with a pole towards the back, coming from the ceiling and attached to the ground. Cob webs dot the room in all the corners. A man walks across the room and takes his seat on the stool next to the desk. Another individual walks by him, holds up a directors time chart, says a few words and opens the hinged edge then slaps it down. Another individual counts down 5…4…3…2…1…and points to the man on the stool…
Announcer- Welcome once again fight fans, it is time once again to go where only the strong survive, time to see the blood and guts flow freely, time once again for all the people to freak out as we begin the one and only War Room Death Matches again!
The cameras turn and pan to the in-house fans who scream and cheer the inevitable return of the Friday Night War Room Death Matches.
Announcer- I am of course the Announcer, Announcer Dude! * The only sound heard is the crickets chirping * And this of course is the Monday Night Preview Show! * The fans cheer madly at the anticipation of those words * And as always, here is your facilitator for the Friday Night War Room Death Matches….Sid6.9! * The fans cheer and start a mini-wave *
Sid6.9 walks from out of a room and waves his hands in the air as he walks towards the fans. He meets and greets with everyone of them shaking there hands. Many of the girls pass out just to be touched by the famed Promoter while the guys shout “Whoop, Whoop, Whoop”. Sid6.9, with a smile on his face walks over to his desk, shakes Announcer Dudes hand and takes his seat behind the mahogany desk.
Sid6.9- Welcome, welcome my friends! This is of course the Monday Night War Room Death Match preview show, and I can honestly say that I am truly excited to be able to bring back to you, the fans, the one and only Friday Night War Room Death Matches.
Turns in his chair to the camera to his right…
Sid6.9- Well, once again, please say hello to my announcer, Announcer Dude. * As Sid motions towards Announcer Dude * * The fans just stare at him, while he stares back at them. * Umm, well, okay then. Anyway it has been a frightful experience at the last death match. We saw a lot of our family and friends torn apart by that devious little monkey by the name of Peter (AKA Fake Sid6.9). He did the one and only thing I thought could not be done. He destroyed the death match arena. I’ll say though, his plan of taking over the death matches was quite brilliant, but alas, Tridus, Master Sidious, and Edge or as he was called then SM_007, thwarted his plan, but he was still able to blow up the death matches.
Sid turns in his chair again towards another camera…
Sid6.9- Well like a true poor marksman. Peter could not hit the target he was aiming for. He may have destroyed the death match arena, but he missed the target all together in killing me. Unfortunately he did manage to kill several death match fans, as well as one of the most exciting competitors in SM_007 or otherwise known as Edge from before. We all mourn the loss of such a great competitor, but we feel here that he would be glad that at least he was killed while in the death match ring, even though the person responsible for his death was a faceless assassin. But without ado, we are pressing on, we are forging through into the future, and we are starting up the death matches once again.
Sid6.9- So here we are, inside this former firehouse on the outskirts of Irvine CA. former industrial district. Money was pretty tight, be it with all the law suits from the families of the injured and killed spectators, and the fact that Blizzard will not build us a new stadium to hold the death matches in. They say it’s rotten dirty low-down, disgusting, violence for hire thrill seeking degenerates and that they don’t want anything to do with it. Well I say it is for fun, fun for you, the fans, and with a donation from The LordDebt Angel we are able to bring the death matches back once again. So without further interruptions, lets take you to your death match co-hosts, Master Sidious and RStefan01. Guys are you there?
Master Sidious- We are here Sid, and by the way, thanks for giving me my old job back. Don’t worry about the money situation, we don’t need to be paid right now until the show gets back on its feet.
Sid6.9- Okay, and hey, thanks Sidious for saving my ass and exposing Peter, and don’t worry as soon as we get the show up and running again, you are getting that raise I promised you.
Master Sidious nods back at Sid who returns it…
Master Sidious- Well, hello fight fans, I am Master Sidious, the master of the death match chat. I can’t tell you how thrilled I am to be back with you all. We are going to see some exciting times, with hopefully some great competitors, some laughs, and oh yes, maybe even some violent deaths for you all to cheer over. But before we get to that, lets welcome my tag team partner, the “Master of Plaster”, the “Man that puts the X in SEX” and the man that took an abandoned mule tannery and turned it into the hottest porn shop this side of the Mississippi…..Big Sexy Stefan. * The ladies that came to the studio can be heard screaming outside the door as they hear the announcement from Sidious *
Big Sexy Stefan- Ahhhhh, ohhhhh, hell yeah, Big Sexy is back in da hoooouuuusssseeeee! * The door leading from their room begins to rumble from the girls trying to get in * Oh yes, and guess what the Big Sexy Booty Daddy brought with him ladies, my oh my if it isn’t the one and only Human Love Machine. * As he points to his crotch: The door leading into their room begins to shake as parts of the wood come flying off *
MS- Dear lord there Big Sexy, the ladies are sure in the mood tonight. I think you better stop before they come in here and mob you. Tell them something to calm down.
BSS- All right Sidious, okay just hold on out there ladies, cause there is enough of the Human Love Machine to go around. Just keep your pants on for now, and soon, oh so very soon, Dr. Strangelove with his magic Rubber Glove will be taking you on a rocket ship ride straight into the stars, oh yeah, baby. * The door stops shaking as they hear the ladies screaming for the Love Glove *
MS- All right Big Sexy, well it sure is good to be back in the saddle isn’t it?
BSS- I’ll say so, I haven’t had any in 2 months, I don’t know why the ladies only like me on this show and not when I’m not on it, but w…
MS- Ahh it’s because you are on the Death Matches, and the ladies sure do love the Death Matches.
BSS- Heh heh yeah I guess you are right Sidious.
MS- Well it is good to be back, and boy oh boy do we have a lot of information to fill you all in on. And that is what we will be doing for our first Death Match since the Big Bang back on New Years Eve. We will find out who died, who lived, and who just plain disappeared.
BSS- Heh heh, I know I disappeared that night, heh heh with the winner of the Death Match Beauty Contest.
MS- Umm we didn’t have a Beauty Contest on the last death match BS.
BSS- Yeah we did, don’t you remember when all the ladies came out in their underwear and posed for us?
MS- No, and I’m sure that I would remember that!
BSS- Oh, umm, heh heh, I think maybe I’m mistaken then.
MS- Well I’d say so there Big Sexy, so lets get into this weeks sh…
BSS- Oh but did you know the winner can suck a golf ball through a gard…
MS- Big Sexy! You know this isn’t Friday, lets not do this on the Preview Show.
BSS- Oh right, sorry MS, you know me, I just like to have fun.
MS- That’s okay Big Sexy, you are allowed to have fun, but just keep it under wraps for now, we need ideas for Friday, and we don’t want you wasting the good material on Monday.
BSS * Wink * Right Sidious, I gotcha * Wink *
MS- Okay so this Friday we are going to take a look back at each and every death match that was ever made. We will have comments from various fighters about each match, as well as the winners of those matches. We will take a look at where those fighters are at now, and if they will be returning to the death match ring…
BSS- So, umm, Sidious, umm, how we going to bring back the dead?
MS- Dead? What are you talking about BS?
BSS- You said we are going to take a look at the matches over again. But half the participants we had are dead now, so how are they going to compete again?
MS- Umm, they aren’t Big Sexy, we are going to replay the matches.
BSS (Rubbing his forehead) Umm, but how?
MS- Simple, we have the fights recorded already.
BSS- We did! When did we do that, and where was I?
MS- Right next to me.
BSS- Umm, okay, but I’m not sure I like this.
MS- Relax Big Sexy, everything will be all right you will see. So this week we will see some exciting past action that should thoroughly thrill you al…
BSS- * Ahem * * Ahem * (As Big Sexy nudges Sidious’s arm) Aren’t you forgetting something?
MS- Oh yes and I nearly forgot, our very own Big Sexy will be doing a one on one interview with the widely regarded, and arguable, the greatest death match participant in Y2T. That should really be a very interesting conversation, and I for one can’t wait to see it.
BSS- J
MS- So this should really be an exciting first week into the next season of Friday Night War Room Death Match. So lets take it back to Sid6.9, and remember, to love is kind, but to hate is only the Death Match way.
Sid6.9- Okay thanks Sidious, well fight fans, you heard it. This week we will be taking you back through the first season of FNWRDM. This should be truly exciting as we will hear commentary from the fighters themselves about the matches. I hope to see you all there this Friday, and remember. Keep one foot in the gutter and one fist up someone’s pie hole, and even you can be on Friday Night War Room Death Match!
As the credits roll…
Announcer Dude- Friday Night War Room Death Match is property of Weird Ass Sports, a subsidiary to Sid6.9 enterprises. All rebroadcasts without the written approval or consent from Sid6.9 enterprises is strictly forbidden. The FNWRDM are brought to you in part by Tridus Inc. The Inc. that hits you over the head first and asks questions later.