Disclaimer: This is the death match preview show. It is not a popularity contest. All participants are taken from the War Room over a flame war, disagreement, or pig butt nasty insult throwing. Even though the author may have an opinion about these flame wars, he will not let it be known through the stories. The story itself is fictional, but there may be words, phrases, or actions in the story that may offend readers. I will not be held responsible if you have a heart attack, have a seizure, or your if your head explodes. In short you have been warned. Also do not try any of these stunts at home, be it that they are made up by me. Anyways it is just a story…Enjoy!
Announcer Dude- Welcome ladies and gen… (Announcer Dude realizes there is no one in the War Room), umm, well I guess I’m the announcer dude, and this is the Monday Evening Death Match Preview Show * Fans cheering is piped into the preview show set * Heh heh that is cool (While looking around), well here is your host for the death matches, Sid6.9 * Frantic cheers are heard and a Y2T? chant starts up *
Sid6.9 (To the sound guy)- Damn it that is the wrong tape!
SG- Sorry sir, that won’t happen again.
Sid6.9- Better make sure of that son.
Sid6.9- Anyways welcome fight fans * Shows a clip of the fans cheering for Sid6.9, including one fan wearing a Masta Fujji rocks tee-shirt * Well welcome my announcer, announcer dude! * The fans boo, and the sound of one fan saying "Hey Rich, you suck!" can be heard *
Sid6.9 scowls at the sound guy, who only cringes behind his mix board.
Sid6.9- Wow fight fans what a match we had last week. We saw in the opening bout, Salmonius take on Jack! Well that fight was pure entertainment…
Voice coming on to the set- You mean it was pure crap!
Sid6.9- What the?!?
Just then Y2T, Edge, and Beavis and Butthead enter the studio.
Sid6.9- All right hold it right there. I told you guys yesterday that if you interrupted my show, that I will not live up to my end.
Y2T- Oh correction there, oh Sidister one you, I don’t quite remember it that way. How about you Edge?
Edge- Damn right, hey Sparky, role that beautiful bean footage…I mean that footage from Sid’s office yesterday.
The video guy cues the action that took place in Sid’s office on Sunday.
Edge- Hold on Tri, lets hear what he has to say. * While raising the eyebrow *
Sid6.9- I will give you your match, not this week, but next, if you agree to not get involved in this weeks activities. Agreed?
Sid6.9- Ha, I got ya, I said that you can’t get involved in this weeks activities!
Y2T- Yeah, but you didn’t say what activities now did you?
Beavis- Hm, hmm, hm, hm yeah fartknocker, hm, hmm, hmm, hm.
Sid6.9- Ohhhh, grrrr, all right, all right, I meant any activities this week, Death Match, Preview Show, commentary, anything!
Edge and Y2T sit down, Edge whispers something to B and B and they leave…
Sid6.9 (While watching B and B leave)- Well that’s a start, now you 2, scram!
Edge- Ahhh Sid, you realize that since you didn’t say anything about what we couldn’t be involved in, then I think we have the right to stay, ya stupid Jabroonie.
Y2T- Yeah, so just go about what you’re doing like, umm, we are not even here * Looks at Edge and smiles *, yeah that’s it.
Sid6.9- Ohhhh, next week you 2 lilly liver pieces of trash are so dead! I’m going to see that you’re heads are placed on the War Room walls to prevent any other piss ants to try what you all are!
Y2T- Ohhhh, I can feel the tension in the air.
Edge- I know, man it has got me so excited, that my nipples are hard!
Sid6.9 turns away from them and regains his composure, looks at the camera and smiles…
Sid6.9- Well fight fans were was I…
Edge- About that fish dude and that monkey crap slapping the crap outta each oth…
Sid6.9- I know, I know, now shut up! Or you will be tossed out * While pointing at the 8 burly security guards in the room now *
Y2T and Edge take a finger run it across their lips and pretend to lock them, and throw away an imaginary key.
Sid6.9 (Still upset)- Okay Salmonius won okay! How he did it, I don’t care anymore, lets just get to the final match.
Sid6.9 (Takes a second to compose himself and run his fingers throw his hair)- Okay in the final match we saw, Dorg take on * Shudders * Y2T…
Y2T- Woo hoo, what a stud!
Sid6.9 glares at him…
Sid6.9- Anyways, he was able to defeat Dorg by means of Styx, Y2T’s hired bodyguard. But he was no match for my NWD boys as they took that big man apart! And the chicken shit Tridus ran off like the little bitch that he is! Then Edge decided to lay his filthy hands on the most intellectually stimulating man in Death Match Entertainment, me. Well he soon learned what it meant to met the cold steel of a tire iron! Well enough on that, lets get to this week.
Sid6.9 turns towards another camera, as Edge and Y2T find themselves a big bag of popcorn and a couple of sodas…
Sid6.9- Well it is a brand new * Munch, munch, munch * week in the death * Slurp * match (While glaring at the 2 monkeys in the fans booth * Okay well this * Munch, munch, sluuurrrrrpppppp * Oh for the ever loving mother of god knock that shit off!
Y2T- Sorry dude, Sidister, just this stuff your saying is so…..Intriguing.
Edge- Yeah man this stuff is having me on the edge of my seat!
Sid6.9- Okay moving on, it is a new week * Munch, munch * Damn it, okay it’s a NWD extravaganza! Lets go to the announcements of what this week means! You there Rich.
Rstefan01- Hey Sid I’m here.
Edge (To Tridus)- Dude look it’s Rich!
Y2T (Shouting to Rich)- Hey, hey Big Sexy, how’s it hanging!
BSS- Well it’s lean, mean, and hanging to the…
Sid6.9- What did I tell you about the Big Sexy crap!
RS- Oh right, sorry Sid. Hi guys * Waving to Edge and Y2T, who wave back with silly grins on their faces *
RS- Well like Sid6.9 said, this is the NWD Friday Night War Room Death Match Extravaganza! What does that mean to me, well, I don’t know, I didn’t receive a paper telling me about it?
Sid6.9- Oh yeah, I forgot that part. Well ya see Rich, this Fridays Death Match is special, because I’m giving all my brothers decide what part they want on the DM this Friday. And guess what?
RS- Someone took my spot?
Sid6.9- Ahhh give that man a prize! Yep you have got the week off, so hit the showers kid and let the pros come on in!
RS- Dang it Sid, you know this is all I got, man I don’t want a vacation this week! I have no money, the electricity in my house is turned off, and my baby needs new shoes! And you don’t give us paid vacations anymore, come on!
Sid6.9- Ah my heart bleeds for ya. To bad, now hit the bricks!
Rich gets up to leave, but not before Edge and Y2T say "See ya later Big Sexy", which causes Rich to smile, and Sid6.9 to fume.
Sid6.9- Well lets bring in the real A-team to death match entertainment, "Y2T and Edge"!
Y2T- Really? Oh joy, thank you Sid6.9! Thanks Sid, I didn’t know you felt that way about us.
Edge- Hey I did that last week Sid! But I appreciate the offer.
Sid6.9- I didn’t say you 2 were doing it, something screwy here.
Y2T- Well point me in the direction of that varmint and I’ll get that rascally wabbit!
Sid6.9 (While eyeing Edge and Y2T)- Okay the real announcers are "Y2T and Edge"!
This time though Sid sees the little electronic device Edge has with him, and motions for the guards to confiscate it.
Sid6.9- Okay lets get to Flutie 3:16 and Deathwish DDW. * The sound guy cues the cheers *
Deathwish- Thank you, thank you, you really love me, thank you. Well I am Deathwish D-D-W! And welcome everyone to the Preview Show, NWD preview show. And joining me, as always, is the "Meanest Man on the Planet", the "Space Mountain Riding Man", and the damn sexist man alive, Big Sexy Flutie! * The sound guy cues "Go Big Sexy, go Sexy, it’s your party, go Sexy"*
Big Sexy Flutie (While Rich kicks a cat outside the door)- That’s right fight fans I am Big Sexy Flutie, and here’s the love rocket that will take you ladies to strange new places! But before then we welcome you too…
Both Together- NWD Friday Night War Room Death Match Extravaganza!
DDW- Well what a pathetic fight we had last week, eh Big Sexy?
BSF- Damn straight, Y2T is a punk and he’s lucky the damn sexist man on the planet didn’t get my hands on him. But oh hey Tridus, your wife sure did enjoy the special ride on my lap last night, Whooooooo!
DDW- Ha ha that certainly is so. Well it is a new week and that means 2 more losers taking on one another in a bitch slap contest. (Shuffles the papers looking at the names) What the hell?!? Where did we get these punks from?
BSF- Relax, Deathwish, I’ll tell ya about it. Well out first competitor came into the others forum spouting off threats and what not.
DDW- Okay, and so what.
BSF- Relax, I’ll get to it. Anyways the other competitor didn’t take to well to this and warned him several times himself. He then banned him to the neither regions.
DDW- What regions was that?
BSF- The neither regions!
DDW- Ah so what, I’ve been banned in 50 countries and the 50 states at least once, well Florida twice, but that wasn’t my fault. So what, so he was banned.
BSF- Relax, there’s more. Anyways the other guys web site experienced some, well technical difficulties!
DDW- And…
BSF- Well the first guy found out, presumably, that the second guy sabotaged his web site, hacked if you will.
DDW- Ohhhh, I like it, what happened next?
BSF- So he banned him to the neither regions.
DDW- And that’s it?
BSF- Yep, that’s all it says here.
DDW- So what? Damn why in the heck is it here in the War Room, certainly it had nothing to do with us?
BSF- Well during the initial attack on the second’s forum, he did bring it to the War Room, making it legal to put on this fight.
DDW- Ah okay, but so what?
BSF- I agree, but Sid6.9 is the boss, and he says they fight!
DDW- Well if Sid says so, then lets do this thing! Big Sexy tell the fight morons out there about the first participant.
BSF- Okay, the first fighter lives in someones pants! He is the benevolent, and despicable evil administrator of CWAL. He is Akradem, or Akky for short. This fighter has some enormous bashing moves, but he does have a disadvantage in the fact that he will fight others battles for them. He has some interesting moves, in the "Hands of Stone" and the "IP Block Clothesline". This mans biggest move, his finisher if you will, is the "Akky Bomb". Heh, guess he musta saw the Flutie Bomb and stole my idea.
DDW- Wow, he sounds, well, ahh hell lets go to the Tale of the Tape for Akradem. By the way fight fans we have expanded the Tale of the Tape.
Tale of the Tape--------Akradem
Special statistics from 0 (Worse) to 10 (Best)
DDW- Okay, his opponent is the man that flies South. He is the administrator of Sidwinder.Net or SW.Net for short. He is Proman911. This fighter has panache for destroying souls. He does have a disadvantage though in over thinking sometimes. This man has many a move to choose from, but ones that we see as the ones that will give him the best advantage are, the "Atomic Knee Drop of Deletion" and the "911 Lethal Combination". This fighters finisher is "Proman 2000 Power Bomb".
BSF- By the way, we think that both these men have the same finisher, but we will see on Friday. Anyway lets look to see how Proman911 matches up in the Tale of the Tape.
Tale of the Tape---------Proman911
Special statistics 0 (Worse)- 10 (Best)
BSF- Well there ya have ‘em fight fans, these 2 will get their spanking of one another this Friday, so until then, lets take it back to the man with the plan, Sid6.9!
Edge and Y2T are seen leaving the preview show, as Sid watches them go.
Sid6.9- Thanks guys, well I know you will all enjoy this match, so until Friday. Keep one foot in the gutter and one fist up someones piehole! And even you can be on Friday Night War Room Death Match!
As the credits roll…
Announcer Dude- FNWRDM is brought in part to you by Weird Ass Sports, a subsidiary to Tridus Inc. The Inc that never runs!
Copyright: Sid6.9 Enterprises, all rights reserved to Sid6.9 Enterprises
Any and all rebroadcasts are prohibited without written approval and consent from Sid6.9 Enterprises.