Disclaimer: This is the death match preview show. It is not a popularity contest. All participants are taken from the War Room over a flame war, disagreement, or pig butt nasty insult throwing. Even though the author may have an opinion about these flame wars, he will not let it be known through the stories. The story itself is fictional, but there may be words, phrases, or actions in the story that may offend readers. I will not be held responsible if you have a heart attack, have a seizure, or your if your head explodes. In short you have been warned. Also do not try any of these stunts at home, be it that they are made up by me. Anyways it is just a story…Enjoy!
0330 AM- Darkened Preview Show Room- A dark tall figure can be seen by the security cameras lounging around the Preview Show set. The figure moves from one side of the room to the other, stopping at the desk that Sid6.9 announces from, messes with a few objects around the desk, then over to where the announcer dude announces, and finally by another chair before leaving…
0352 AM- Just outside the backdoor of the War Room we see the tall figure walk up to a car. A conversation ensues, and a hand reaches out handing an envelope with a Dollar sign on it to the tall figure. The car starts up and moves away, as the tall figure disappears into the early morning darkness…
1500 PM – Preview Show!
Announcer Dude- Welcome ladies and gentleman * Zap * Ow damn (Announcer dude holds his hand after touching the mic and getting shocked by it), it’s Monday Night, do you know where your marbles are?!? * Zap * Ow, hey what the heck is wrong with this thing! (Holding his hand again and looking at the microphone curiously) Well it is that time again, time again for the * The fans cheer and say along with him " The Monday Night Preview Show! Yahhhhhh!" That’s right, and lets take you to your facilitator for the Preview Show, Sid6.9 * The fans boo? Yep that’s right they are booing!" (Announcer Dude backs away from the microphone thinking it is clearly possessed.)
Sid6.9 walks out a little stunned that the home audience is booing him.
Sid6.9 (Trying to hush the crowd) What the hell?!? Why are you booing me?!? Oh I see, for what I did last Friday. Well I will address all that in a little bit. First off welcome my announcer, announcer dude! * The fans through little swivel sticks at him and laugh *
Sid6.9 starts to sit down in his chair when all of a sudden, crunch!
Sid6.9 (As he is falling to the floor) Oh shit! * Crash * (as Sid6.9s chair falls apart from under him) * All the fans start laughing and point at Sid! *
Sid6.9 gets up and is infuriated that the crowd was laughing at him!
Sid6.9- Shut up! I said shut the hell up you ungrateful little bastards you! That wasn’t funny! * Then the fans start booing Sid once again * I said stop that! This is my show and you will show me some damn respect! * The fans start a Y2T chant as Sid gets red faced because of it *
Finally the fans settle down as Sid takes the chair by the Announcer Dude and carefully sits down.
Sid6.9 (Straightens his 100 dollar tie and composes himself once again)- All right then. Well welcome once again to the Monday Night Death Match Preview Show. I am Sid6.9 your facilitator for this show!
Turns in chair…
Sid6.9- Well what a contest we had last Friday! We saw Gunslinger and FO HEAD go at it, man oh man what a battle it was too. In case you had missed it, FO HEAD was able to prevail only from some uncooperative assistance from Shockwave! The interference was inadvertent, but it gave FO HEAD the much-needed advantage to take out Gunslinger.
Sid6.9 turns in his chair once again and lights up a cigar and gets a smug look on his face…
Sid6.9- And of course we can not forget the action outside of the ring as well. As, I, Sid6.9, totally punked that Buttercup of a freak, Tridus, * Fans cheer loudly * or as you punks out there like to call him, Y2T! * The fans start cheering Y2T, Y2T,Y2T * Heh heh, what a lilly he was too, ha ha ha. I mean it was easy! I don’t see what the hub-bub about him is all about! Heh, without his stick he is no different then some punk that likes to impersonate people and say they have AIDS. Ha ha ha I would like to get that punk in the ring for my good friend Edge * Fans start to Boo at hearing Edges name * so he can shove his foot up his candy ass and use him for a pair of goulashes in the winter time! But a sissy like that won’t tell his true name, ha must be afraid of Edge I’d bet! And who wouldn’t be, that is the man right there, heh heh!
Sid6.9 relaxes and starts to recline in his chair…
Sid6.9- Oh Crap!!! (As Sid6.9 flips back in his chair because the back of it fell off)
The fans really start laughing hard and start calling Sid a pansy cause he can’t even sit in a chair!
Sid6.9- Pansy! All right that’s it! Security!
Sid6.9 calls in security and directs them to promptly begin beating up each member of the house crowd and throw them out of the show! The only people remaining in the audience is Announcer Dude (Since Sid stole his chair), Susie (Because there was no room under his desk to touch his special friend) and some dude with a Borough!
Sid6.9- There now maybe we will have some order around here! Well fight fan….errr I mean umm, well announcer dude, Susie, and Dude with a Borough! It is a new week, and that means a new Death Match! Lets head over to Master Sidious and Rstefan01!
Master Sidious can be seen talking on his cell phone…
MS- Uh-huh. Yeah sure I guess so. But why, I like it!
Sid6.9- Um ahem!
MS- No, no, no not…ummm sorry gotta go. * Click* (As Sidious hangs up the phone)
Sid6.9- Who the hell were you talking too?!?
MS- Umm well my mom, she’s like real sick, and umm…
Sid6.9- I don’t care if she is on her death bed! When we are doing this show, you will not deviate from it! No phone calls, no bathroom breaks, no getting up to get a drink! You will sit there and wait for me to tell you what to do, understood!!!
MS- Well no I don’t! My mom is sick, and if I want to talk to her I will! You don’t run me!
Sid6.9 (Getting up with his hands on the desk)- Oh I don’t do I! Just remember who signs your checks!
MS- Yeah I remember who signs my measly little checks, you, you, you…(Sidious bites his tongue)
Sid6.9- You what?!? Come on say it! Your ass will be out of here so fast, it’ll make your head spin!
MS- Yeah well, okay, whatever. Anyway fight fans it is a new we…
Sid6.9- What the hell do you mean whatever?!? You know something I’ve had it up to here (Points at his forehead) with your whining and bitching!
MS- Oh I don’t think…
Sid6.9- It doesn’t matter what you think, ha, fell for it you stupid Jabroni.
Just then Edge busts into the door.
Edge- Hey Sid, stop stealing Edges lines! You’ll run ‘em into the ground, and that’s my job to do that!
Sid6.9- Oh yeah, sorry dude, I won’t do it anymore.
Edge leaves while Sid continues to berate Sidious.
Sid6.9- All right Sidious, this is it, you make fun of me one more time, talk about how much money you think you deserve on the air, or keep making your sarcastic remarks. You will be fired!
Master Sidious with his face beat red looks straight at Sid6.9.
MS- Well then you can take th…
Big Sexy Stefan- No, no, no Sidious, think about Margaret, and your kids, Mary Lou, Jasper, Susie Q, Piney Joe, and Little Timmy!
Sid6.9 (Making a sarcastic tone)- Yeah Sidious, what about Little Timmy?
Master Sidious- I think they would agree with me, so take this job and you can cram it straight up your ass!
BSS- No, no Sidious, I need you here!
MS (To BSS)- Sorry Big Sexy, but I can’t put up with his crap anymore. Take care good buddy.
And Sidious walks off the set, while all the fans give their best wishes and good-byes.
Big Sexy- There went * sniff *, the best play by play man * sniff * in the business!
Then he looks back to Sid6.9.
Sid6.9- So what about you monkey boy, want to hold on to your job a while longer?
BSS- Umm, yeah.
Sid6.9- Good! Now listen up, there is no more Big Sexy, there is no more love machine, if any women are found in your locker room, in the stage area, on your lap, or anywhere near you, I will fine your ass quick!
BSS- No more Big Sexy! But it’s my gimmick, you gave it to me!
Sid6.9- Well I’m taking it back! Now make the announcements for this weeks match!
RS- Oh okay. (Rstefan01 looks around very confused for about 5 minutes)
Technician (To Sid6.9)- Umm sir, I think his head is going to explode!
Sid6.9- Rstefan01 what is your problem, make the announcements!
RS (Making circles on the desk with his finger and looking sad)- Well I miss the introduction Sidious used to give me.
Sid6.9- Listen up, Sidious isn’t here anymore so make the announcements now.
RS- Okay, I guess I can do that.
Sid6.9- You just better do it son, cause your treading on thin ice son!
RS- Well hello fight fans, umm, I’m umm, Big Se…
Sid6.9- Ahem!
RS- Oh yeah, (In a dejected voice) I’m Rstefan01, the, well I don’t now what I am anymore, but this is the Monday Night Death Match Preview Show! * The donkey goes hee-haw *
RS (Turns to one side)- Well, hey Sidio… oh, yeah, umm, he Rich why don’t you tell our fight fans about this weeks match up!
RS (Turns back to the other)- I think I will, thanks Rich!
RS (Turns back the other way)- Not a problem Rich!
Meanwhile Sid6.9 is holding his head while shaking it.
Out in the parking lot we see Master Sidious talking on a cell phone when suddenly a black Mercedes stops and picks him up! He gets inside and the car moves away…
RS- Okay Rich our first participant this week is the man from the marshes! He is the one and only Salmonius! This fighter is one tightly packed power house! He has a variety of moves to choose from. Including the "Gecko’s Lazy Eye Drop" and the "Am I Evil Now Suplex"! But even with those moves the Sal one has got to be careful out there, his one big disadvantage is that when he gets frustrated, he tends to lose the will to fight, and goes on Sabbaticals. But if he can withstand that then his Finisher the "Salminator" will certainly spell D-O-O-M for his opponent!
RS (Turns back to the side once again)- Wow, Slaminator, what an awesome sounding move! I’ll be sure to clear steer of the marshes these days! Lets look at the tale of the tape for Salmonius!
Tale of the Tape--------Salmonius
RS (Turns back to the other side)- Hey Rich, tell our viewers who his opponent is!
RS (Turns back again)- Okay Rich, his competitor hails from somones nightmare! He is the War Room joker known as Jack! Now this fighter seems to have problems with Salmonius since the time he responded to the Private School posts. This fighter has one disadvantage though in that when he is flamed really well, he has no response to it, we feel this includes in fighting as well! He has a variety of moves to choose from including the "Jack of Spades" and the "Flying Jackknife Powerbomb"! His finisher is one that could take your head clean off, and it is "The Jack"!
RS (Turns back, hmm you understand now)- Wow the Jack, what an, well it doesn’t sound to original. But oh well, if it works, it works! Lets look at the tale of the tape shall we Rich?
RS- We Shall Rich!
Tale of the Tape------------Jack
RS- Well there’s the match for this weeks death match, until then I’m Rich!
RS- And I’m the other Rich, saying lets take it back to Sid6.9.
Sid6.9 (Still shaking his head)- * Sigh * okay fight fans there ya have it! But I have a little surprise for you all! That match will be the first match of the night! I will be having a main event that I have put together, or well, will put together, and believe me! These 2 competitors will be wanting to tear each others throats out.
Sid6.9- So until then you freaks and geeks, make sure to keep one foot in the gutter, and one fist up someones piehole! And even you can be on Friday Night War Room Death Match!
As the credits roll…
Announcer Dude- Monday Night Death Match Preview Show * Zap * Ow, damn it! Is brought to in part by Weird Ass Sports, a subsidiary of Tridus Inc., The Inc that never runs!
Copyright: Sid6.9 Enterprises, all rights reserved to Sid6.9 Enterprises
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