Disclaimer: This is the Monday Evening Death Match Preview Show! This is not a popularity contest. All contestants and participants are taken from the War Room over
a disagreement, flame war, or just a plain old pig butt nasty insult throwing. Even though the author may have an opinion
about the flame war, he will not let it be known through these stories. The winners are decided in a fair effective
manner. Some of the things said may
upset some readers. So if you have a
weak heart, stomach, or head, have a seizure condition, or any other type of
medical condition that may be set off by low brow humor, I suggest you stop
reading now. I will not be held
responsible if you are shocked, sickened, or upset over what you read, after
all I warned you. And as a reminder,
please ensure you do not try any of the moves in the story at home, as they are
done by highly trained letters with years of experience. Anyway it is just a story! Enjoy!
Internet Screens across the world light up as words spread across their screens in bright colors…
The following is rated PG-13 and may feature Strong Language and Adult Situations, Parental Guidance is suggested…
Weird Ass Sports in co-operation with Tridus Inc. would like to present the following presentation of…
The Internet Monitors
then explode as more words cross the borders, screaming like a train out of
control…
Monday Evening Death Match
Preview Show!!!
Internet Monitors then
change to show a group of ravaging fans outside screaming and hollering at the
camera. The camera then begins to move
inside a plush building, the front lobby and the marble walk, the camera points
at a statue of Sid6.9, naked, and blowing water out of his mouth in a crane
type of pose. The camera then turns
down a hall where cheers can be heard, then into a large studio room, where
many fans are screaming and waving at the camera. The camera then does a 180
and moves to a man that doesn’t look to happy as he stands in front of a
microphone. He takes the mic and
speaks…
Announcer Dude- Oh
yeah, that’s right you sick little monkeys, you are here, here to hear the
Dude! The man that means Death Match
damn it!
The fans immediately
boo him as he gets a coarse look over his face…
Announcer Dude- Shut
the hell up damn it, this is my show, and you all know I made it famous. You are just jealous you aren’t me, you
ungrateful little…
Just then the
microphone cuts off as Announcer Dude continues to rattle on, but then a voice
comes over the speakers as the fans immediately go insane…
Voice- Welcome to
Preview of Tirdus!
The fans cheer as Y2T
emerges from the back curtain, he moves up and by Announcer Dude, has a few
words that can’t be heard, but Announcer Dude doesn’t look happy about it. Y2T makes his way to his fans as the go ape
shit…
Y2T- Yes, yes, my
“Tridaholics” the “Iootolah of Rock and Rolla” is back! And what a show we have tonight! But before we get to that let’s welcome a
distinguished guest here at the show!
Mr. Howard Stern ladies and gentleman…
Howard Stern stands
and takes the mic briefly…
HS- Thank you Y2T, I’m
so happy to be here, but will someone please grab my ass!?!?
The fans go nuts with
the “Howard Rules” chants as he eats it up.
Tridus makes his way to his desk, smacking Announcer Dude on the head as
he goes by. Announcer Dude says
something prompting Y2T to get in his face.
Announcer Dude backs down, as Y2T backs into his chair…
Y2T- My oh my, how
things certainly change with just a week off, hey folks. Looks like I can’t leave this show for an
instant. You got the nWd getting the crap bet
out of them by some black car, then you got that Agent dude and our resident
Grumpy Money Man get into it. Then
MysteryMan gets into it with the nWd
prompting him to make the match we are scheduled to have this Friday!
Y2T turns to look at
another camera…
Y2T- But like most of
you saw on Sunday, I tried to stop MysteryMan’s attempt to do this match, but
it seems I have failed as you all seen.
But fear not my little “Tridaholics” for I will not let you down. Some how, some way, M and M will not be in
that match.
The fans start to boo
Tridus…
Y2T- I understand,
please believe me, I would love to see M and M clean their clocks. But the man that made the Death Matches
exciting doesn’t want to see M and M ever, and I mean e-e-e-e-e-e-e-ever make a
match without his approval agayn! You
see, it’s not that I don’t want him to fight, it’s just that M and M can’t
handle the two of them alone. But! If
he were to have some help, some Y2T help maybe, just maybe he will come
through. But we will have to wait and
see on that.
Turns to another
camera…
Y2T- Okay, time to get
to the actual announcement for the match, despite my better judgemen…
Suddenly though a
“Gong” sounds twice, and the lights flicker on and off. Then they go off for good. Y2T can be heard trying to calm the fans as
the shriek in terror…
Y2T- It’s okay my
“Tridaholics” it is just a power outage, nothing to worry about. * Under his
breath, but audible * Damn, I knew I should have paid that electric bill.
Suddenly a booming
voice from the darkness arises…
Voice- I paid those
dues, and now, you pay me mine…
And with that the
lights slowly come back on as DebtAngel is standing their lifting his arms as
the lights go from dim to bright. His
eyes are deep in his head as he growls at Y2T.
Y2T (Patting his hand
over his face as he yawns)- * Yawn * Oh, it’s you, Lord of Debtness, how
exciting. * Yawn *
DA- My dear Tridus…
Y2T- Umm, don’t call
me that, it is, well kinda, weird to hear a dude call me Dear.
DA (Growls)- Listen up
good Tridie boy, your time is over, time to pay the debt!
Y2T- Debt? Debt?
What do you mean Debt?
DA (Moves closer to
Y2T)- I mean, the debts of me paying for this show. It’s time you pay, and I tell you, you will pay dearly.
Y2T- Umm, what did I
say about that dear stuff?
DA- Grrrrrrr. (As he
pounds a fist down on Y2T’s desk splitting it in 2)
Y2T- Okay on second
thought, you can call me dear anytime.
DA- Do you have my
money?
Y2T (Nervously)- Umm,
heh, heh, money? What is that?
DA- So no money?
Y2T- Ehh, nope, I
guess not.
DA- Then prepare,
prepare for paying me.
Y2T suddenly jumps
from his chair and grabs the 100 List Tridus Silly Stick and swings it 2 inches
from DebtAngel’s nose. But he doesn’t
flinch in the slightest…
Y2T- Okay, come on big
man, let’s dance!
DebtAngel in a growl
reaches around his back as Tridus’s eyes go wide…
Y2T- My god he’s got a
gun!
And Y2T ducks down
behind the chair. DebtAngel pulls out a
piece of paper though and shows it to Y2T, who calmly gets up from behind the
chair and straightens his suit. Sniffs,
and takes the paper, and looks at it…
Y2T- Okay, so what’s
this?
DA- Article 36.
Y2T- Okay, so what’s
that?
DA- An Article that
explains why I am here.
Y2T- * Sigh * Damn it,
just tell me what it means.
DA- In short, it means
that if you don’t pay me the amount due me next week……..
Y2T- Yes!
DA- I take over the
show!
And with that
DebtAngel walks away and out the back as the fans stare in shock over what he
said. Y2T just stands there pondering
about what he is going to do as he watches him leave…
Tridus lifts a large
chunk of the desk and looks at it…
Y2T- Umm well I guess
let’s get to Master Sidious and Big Sexy Stefan now for the announcement of the
Main Event Match for next week…
The screen then
changes as Master Sidious appears there…
Master Sidious- Oh
yeah, welcome one, welcome all, welcome, welcome, cause it’s Death Match
Preview Time!
The in-house fans at
their studio cheers ever so loud…
MS- Okay, I am of course,
Master Sidious, your Host with the Most!
Cheers of…
“Sidious,
Sidious, Sidious!”
Fill the studio…
MS- And joining me as
always is the “Freakiest Freak”, the “Boning Man”, and the man that hates all
Bunny Rabbits, Big Sexy…
And the ladies take
over…
“Stefan!
Yah Big Sexy show us ole One Eye!”
Big Sexy leaps up on
the desk with the microphone in hand, looks left then right, then to the fans,
licks his lips, as the ladies cry for him, and brings the mic to his lips…
BSS- Hello ladies!
The ladies scream
loudly at him…
BSS- You know ladies,
Big Sexy, and his Human Love Machine, are a lot like a bottle of soda…
The ladies all stare
into what he is referencing too…
BSS- The harder you
shake him, the more he explodes!
The ladies all scream
at that and a few faint at the idea of it…
MS- Heh, heh, okay Big
Sexy, enough with the exploding.
BSS (Getting off the
desk)- Oh yeah, heh, heh, Big Sexy is planning on doing plenty of that later
tonight, and it will be sexy, oh so sexy!
MS- Okay there, well let’s
do the show Big Sexy!
BSS- Heh, heh I’ll be
doing the big show later tonight, and it will be sexy, yeah baby.
MS- Okay BS, knock it
off, we need to get this show out!
BSS- Heh, heh I’ll be
letting the show out later, and all the ladies will love it, yeah.
Master Sidious just
shakes his head and stares at Big Sexy for about 3 minutes, as he dances in his
chair and makes gestures to the ladies.
Then looks over at Sidious…
BSS- What you just
sitting there for Sidious, don’t we have a show to do?
MS- Well I’m just
waiting for you to end your little show.
BSS- Hey! There’s
nothing little about my show!
MS- Okay, well let’s
move on shall we?
BSS- We shall.
MS- Okay, let’s take a
quick look back at what happened between MysteryMan and the nWd.
The screen inside the
control room light up with after images from last weeks death match, some of
the stills include…
The Black Chevelle
ramming the nWd limo…
Two hooded men running
out of the Black Chevelle…
The same men beating
up Styx and Peak_Man…
Later on where SM_007
and Styx come out..
Styx on the stick…
SM_007 on the stick…
MysteryMan on the
DeathMatch-O-Vision…
Styx looking over
SM_007 as he kneels on the ground choking from the earlier attack in the day…
MysteryMan running out
with a chair whacking both Styx and SM_007…
Flutie and Peak_Man
making the save…
MysteryMan in the ring
with the stick…
Flutie with the stick…
Then audio cuts in to
where the match was set between Flutie and SM_007 versus MysteryMan…
BSS- Oh man, that was
sure tense that night. I thought for
sure that MysteryMan was lucky he didn’t get his clocked clean by the nWd then. But then of course, there was those two
MysteryMen that took out the nWd
earlier in the day. Hmmmm, MysteryMan,
MysteryMen, hmmm is there a connection there Sidious?
MS- I would think so
Big Sexy, but let’s take a closer look at each individual fighter!
BSS- All righty then,
well I suppose I will cover the first fighters, and they are of course SM_007
and Flutie…
MS- Go for it Sexy!
BSS- Yeah, that’s what
she said. * The ladies scream * All right well since SM_007 returned as the
“Amazing Zero” which coincidentally I knew it was him all along…
MS- * Ahem *
BSS- What I did!
MS- Umm, want me to
remind you of who kept jumping under the table everytime the “Amazing Zero”
made his appearance?
BSS- Uhh was it
Dominique Monceanu? I hear she can
really jump, and she can jump on me anytime, roaarrrrrr.
MS- No, it wasn’t, but
I think we should run that tape. * Turns to the side * Hey Charlie, run the
Chicken Little segments!
BSS (Cutting off
Sidious)- Uhh, no, no Charlie, you don’t need to do that.
Suddenly the screen
comes to life with countless images of the “Amazing Zero” coming on the screen
and Big Sexy diving under the desk…
MS (To Charlie)- Do it
again!
And the screen lights
up with the same replay…
MS- Okay, no in slow
motion!
And the screen shows
the point where the “Amazing Zero’s” promo starts and the smile on Big Sexy’s
face changes…
MS- Now if I freeze
this just right, we can actually see when Big Sexy dumps a load in his shorts.
BSS- Okay, okay, so I
was a little scared, it is sexy to be a little scared Sidious!
MS- Is it sexy to soil
your underwear too?
BSS (Thinking for a
second)- Absolutely.
MS- Okay well please
continue with SM_007’s intro…
BSS (Eyeing Sidious)-
I will get even with you for that Sidious, oh yes I will. (Turns back to the camera) Okay, now where
was I, oh yeah, well when SM_007 came back all hell broke loose as he formed
the new nWd with his former foe
turned partner in Flutie. Now SM_007 is
probably the top, if not the top, Death Match participant we have ever
seen. This man is almost unstoppable,
and from his stats and in-ring experience, will go along way this Friday! And with an assortment of new moves, like
the “Candy Ass Smack” or the “CAS” for short will certainly well, smack people
around. But this man still employees
probably the most devastating, and surprisingly the most popular move still in
the “Anus Pull From Hell” and believe me folks, he can pull this move out of
his ass at anytime!
MS- Absolutely Big
Sexy, now his partner in Flutie is no new blood in that ring either, oh no, he
is without a doubt one of the toughest SOB’s the Death Matches have ever
seen. Now while SM_007 and himself have
teamed up together for this match, it doesn’t mean that he couldn’t handle
going in their alone, as he is a veteran of 3 matches. The only other person to accomplish that
same feat are SM_007 and Y2T. Now
Flutie is one of the meanest competitors we have ever seen in the ring, who
cares not for his opponents at all. And
that, and his previous in-ring experience could spell Doom for his foe this
Friday! Now Flutie has several moves
that are simple devastating to opponents.
One happens to be the “Just Plain Steve Baby” stunner type move that
will leave his opponents stunned. But
his most lethal move has to be “Grandma’s Ride on Space Mountain”! Now who in the hell would want to compete
with that!
BSS- I know I
wouldn’t!
MS- Heh, I know, you
get scared of your own shadow BS.
BSS (A little upset)-
Do not!
MS (Turns to Charlie
again)- Hey Charlie, run the I’m a sissy little girl footage a…
BSS- All right
Sidious, point taken, can we please just move on?
MS- Oh, okay, well
nevermind on that then Charlie, let’s look at the tale of the tape for SM_007
and Flutie!
Tale
of the Tape----------------------------Flutie
Ø Height--------------------------- 5’10”
Ø Weight-------------------------- 200
Ø Reach--------------------------- 32”
Ø Arms---------------------------- 18”
Ø Forearms----------------------- 10”
Ø Fist------------------------------ 8”
Extended Tale
of the Tape---------------Flutie
Ø Strength------------------------ 6
Ø Speed--------------------------- 8
Ø Endurance--------------------- 6
Ø Stamina------------------------ 6
Ø Vision--------------------------- 4
Ø Ability to Strike Opponents-------------- 65%
Ø Ability to Defend Strikes----------------- 74%
Ø Ability to Perform Power Moves-------- 59%
Ø Ability to Absorb Power Moves--------- 48%
MS- And now the Tale
of the Tape for SM_007…
Tale
of the Tape-------------------------------SM_007
Ø Height------------------------------- 6’ 3”
Ø Weight------------------------------ 235
Ø Reach------------------------------- 33 ¾”
Ø Arms-------------------------------- 19”
Ø Forearms--------------------------- 11”
Ø Fist---------------------------------- 10”
Extended
Tale of the Tape------------------SM_007
Ø Strength--------------------------- 7
Ø Speed------------------------------ 6
Ø Endurance------------------------- 8
Ø Stamina---------------------------- 5
Ø Vision------------------------------ 6
Ø Ability to Strike Opponents------------ 76%
Ø Ability to Defend Strikes--------------- 60%
Ø Ability to Perform Power Moves------ 73%
Ø Ability to Absorb Power Moves------- 52%
BSS-
Well, I don’t see how these two guys together could be beat, but I suppose if
anyone could do it, it would have to be MysteryMan, especially with what
happened to Y2T on Sunday.
MS-
I agree Big Sexy, let’s take you back to Sunday yet again, I think a lot of
viewers missed that exchange that happened.
The
replay guy turns on the monitors as a message rolls across the screens…
As the crowd chants…
“Go M and M, go M and M, go M and M!”
As MysteryMan stands in the middle of the ring with mic in hand smiling at the audience. He brings the mic to his lips and addresses the forumers as they mill around him outside the ring…
MysteryMan- Yes! Yes, my faithful fans, yes it is I, the Mysterious one, the one that brings just a little bit of Mystery into your lives, week in and week out. And yes, I am the man, that this Friday, Friday, Friday will not only smash, Flutie to pieces, but break off SM_007’s head as well! It’s true, it’s true!
The fans go nuts with cheers for M and M when suddenly the cameras break to the back to see Y2T enter the building. Many fans can be seen cheering from beyond the door, but Y2T ignores them, and has a very perplexed look on his face as he swings the 100 list Tridus Silly stick from side to side, much like a blind person would do with a cane. But in the ring, MysteryMan continues his rant on Flutie and SM_007…
MM- Yes, my faithful fans, come this Friday, not only will you be Excited! Nope you will also be, Enthused! And, yes, oh yes, you will be definitely be Entertained, as my Three “E’s” will end the threat that is known as Sadocast Madocast Boy, and Flutie Flakes! Yes, my faithful fans, your one and only true hero is here, here to stay fore…
Suddenly though a giant Y2T with a countdown clock appears on the DeathMatch-O-Vision as the fans instantly cheer…
5…
4…
3…
2…
1…
Then there is silence then a giant explosion rocks the joint as “Enter Sandman” blares out from the house speakers. A silouhette of a man standing with his arms raised can be seen, then the lights come back on as he turns and walks to the edge of the entrance way. He stands there with a pouty look on his face, then looks to the fans from right to left. Y2T then starts to walk down the ramp bringing the mic to his lips as the fans cheer…
“Y2T, Y2T, Y2T, Y2T!”
Y2T (Addressing the fans)- Yes, my “Tridaholics” I have returned! Returned from the abysmal state I was in last week. Now I know you, as my Tridaholics, were worried about the death match from last week, and I have to say, that it wasn’t boring. MysteryMan (As MM beams proudly) did a good job at keeping you all excited last week. In fact, I almost would have to say he excited you more than I can, but, we all know, there is only ONE Y2T, and that always means not being bored! But the one thing that still, for the life of me, is the stupidest move in all Death Match Entertainment, would you (Curving his hand towards MysteryMan while walking sideways down the ramp and to the ring steps), MysteryMan, make such a stupid move?
The fans all stop and stare at Y2T, wondering what he means…
MM (Confused smile on his face)- Stupid move? What do you mean stupid move? Oh, wait, wait, you mean letting rRaminrodt and DebtAngel get into it right?
Y2T- No, I could care less if they get into it.
MM (Looks around confused again, then brightens up)- Oh, I know, it was letting Lord DebtAngel come into the office like he did, well I tell ya Tridus, I would have torn him a new, well you know, but I figured that you wanted the job of doing…
Y2T (Interrupting him and places his Silly Stick into M and M’s chest)- No, that’s not what I’m talking about either.
MM (Shrugs, then thinks hard)- Umm, was it letting Big Sexy get in the ring?
Y2T- No, it’s always good when Big Sexy gets in the ring, he is Death Match, he is excitement. Not as exciting as me…
MM (Interjects)- Or me!
Y2T- Wo there M and M, no, you aren’t as Sexy as Big Sexy, and I am, so no, you aren’t.
MM- So what do you mean then Tridus? And please take the stick off my chest.
Y2T- No, I don’t think so, ya see, your stupid move was attacking the group that no one should ever attack alone! You were lucky to not be killed.
MM (Shrugs)- What? You mean the nWd? Ha, I owned them! (Looks at the fans) It’s true, it’s true! You should have saw it too Tridus, I mean it was beauti…
Y2T (Shaking his head)- Silly, silly M and M. Yah see, all you did was get yourself in a load of trouble, and a mess that “I” need to clean up!
MM- What mess? I have a match with them…
Y2T- NO! No, you do not have a match with them! I will not allow you to commit suicide on my show! Uh-uh, no way, not while I’m running it! Ya see, I make moves that Excite the fans, not moves that are stupid, and would be a moot point!
MM (Looks around as the fans do)- No way Tridus, I have a match, I have a arm tied behind their backs match with SM_007 and Flutie! There is nothing you, or anyone can do about it!
Y2T- Oh yes! I’m telling you to call of this match now! You understand, I love you man, you’re my Protégé. And I’m not going to see you get yourself killed this Friday! I will not allow that! I can’t.
MM (Looks around some more)- Listen Tridus I can appreciate the fact that you are responsible for training me. And I can face the fact that you care about what happens to me, as well as I care about what happens to you, but! I can’t accept the fact that you don’t think I can’t win!
Y2T (As the fans stare)- * Waves his hand * No, no, it isn’t about if you think you can win, cause honestly you can’t! How do you expect to compete with them? I mean, about the only person that would be able to, well, is me!
MM (Looks around at the fans then gets a cocky look on his face)- Ohhhh, I see what is going on. You just want to steal my thunder! It’s true, you don’t want me with the glory! I can see it now! (As he waves his hand) MysteryMan eclipses Y2T, and Y2T don’t like it when someone threatens his glory! Well, me and the three “E’s” are going into that match this Friday (As he points at the mat), and I will be the glorious victor. And I will have surpassed the one, used to be great, Y-2-T!
The fans all look around perplexed as the heat in the ring is just too much to bear. For what seems an eternity, Y2T and MysteryMan just stare at one another. Then Y2T starts to turn and walk away, then stops and turns to M and M again…
Y2T- So your not going to cancel the fight?
MysteryMan just shakes his head no.
Y2T- And you think you will defeat them handily, and eclipse my greatness?
MM- Definitely! M and M’s will rule!
The fans go nuts at that…
Y2T (Turns away from M and M)- Well then I guess all I have to say is, this is going to hurt me, more than it hurts you.
And as the fans try to react, but can only gasp in disbelief. Y2T drops his stick and mic and charges at MysteryMan. MysteryMan meanwhile has his back turned, but seeing the fans reaction turns just in time as Y2T plants his head into M and M’s solar plexus, lifting him up and driving him hard into the mat with the “Trident Spear”. Y2T gets up, picks up M and M’s microphone as the fans gawk and don’t know how to respond…
Y2T- Like I said MysteryMan, there is no way you are fighting them this Friday! So do you still want to fight? Cause I’m in the fighting mood now!
M and M just looks up in pain and shakes his head yes as the fans go nuts with M and M’s testicular fortitude. Y2T just shakes his head and grabs MysteryMan to pick him up when all of a sudden. The house speakers begin to blare “It’s all about the Benjamin’s” as the DeathMatch-O-Vision lights up with a giant blue pulsating W, that soon after has a n and a d join it on either side. Y2T gently sets M and M to the mat and hurries to the ring ropes as SM_007 and Flutie make their way out. Flutie steps in front of SM_007 with a mic in one hand and a beer he quickly chugs in the other…
Flutie- * Burp * Hey that’s a kiss for you Tridus! Heh, heh, looks like you two are having a lovers quarrel in there! * In an imitation tone * (Looks to one side) I love you MysteryMan, (Looks to the other) I love you too Tridus. * End imitation tone * Looks like you two need to get yourselves a fricking room!
Y2T- Shut the hell up there Flutie, look at you, standing in front of a man that likes to put things up people’s rectums. If I were you, I’d padlock your ass cheeks shut when around him, but then of course, I hear you like that type of thing Flukie.
Flutie (Chuckles to himself)- You know Y2T, that was a good one, usually I would get mad, and stomp around all pissed off cause I know when I charge that ring after you, you would just run away like a sissy! (Puts a finger up) But know, since I met SM_007, I have learned self-control…
Y2T- What self-control from jerking it, there Flunkie?
Flutie (Smiles again)- No son, because I know this Friday, we get to tear apart your boy there! Tell ‘em about it SM!
And with that Flutie throws the mic back over his head as he takes out another beer. SM coolly waits for the mic to get near him, and at the last second reaches out with one hand snagging the mic, SM_007 stands there as the fans boo loudly at him, raises the nWd eyebrow at them then brings the mic up…
SM_007- And finally! SM_007 has returned to the “Just Another Sunday at the Death Matches”!
The fans start to throw paper cups at him as Y2T smiles at that. Meanwhile M and M is on his hands and knees trying to move but clutches his ribs as he goes…
SM_007- Now ya see Y2T, it was pretty good what you did to the nWd last Friday. Hell the Great One was damned impressed on how you got the better of us!
Y2T just shakes his head as if he doesn’t know what he means…
SM_007- See, SM_007 knows you don’t have the testicles to meet The Great One, one on one. So what does your candy ass do, you use a car and ram our expensive, multi deluxe, custom made Limousine that I bought! Then, you and your little buddy Gilligan there, decided to beat on us some more.
Y2T- Umm, I don’t remember doing any of that there S and M boy. Maybe you have been eating too many, umm, Flutie Flakes? * Motioning at Flutie as the fans laugh hardly *
SM_007- No, SM_007 don’t think so, ya see, cause you are a Rooodyyyy Pooo Candy Ass! And you have not the (Looks around) balls to even admit to it. Ya see, it don’t matter though, no, cause come this Friday (Pulls out a piece of paper) Ya see, Flutie * Points at Flutie’s signature, and The Great One, SM_007. * Points to his signature * Well let’s see, they are taking on none other than, oh yeah, there it is Gilligan, the skippers little buddy in a one armed tied behind our back handicap match! Oh wait, that’s right it’s not Gilligan, no it’s his pen pal name, it’s MysteryMan.
Y2T- Contracts don’t mean anything SM_007, and you know it!
SM_007- Oh but Y2T, you see SM_007 took that into account, and had a stipulation added that MysteryMan cannot back out of the fight, you see, SM_007 and Flutie intend on hurting him bad, hurting your little buddy Gilligan, and send his candy ass back to you in a body cast! If ya Smell…
Y2T- Now wait a minute damn it! You can’t do that, he’s not ready to face you, but I will, I want in the fight then! I will be his partner!
SM_007 (Cocks the eyebrow)- Well now, Y2T, I knew you might say that, and of course, if you want in the match, I will grant that!
Y2T smiles…
SM_007- I will let you replace Gilligan there Skipper, but! The only way you can replace him is by killing him!
Y2T gets a surprise look on his face looks at MysteryMan in the corner by his stick, then back to SM_007 who is smiling, then looks at the mat…
SM_007 (Cocking his head back)- If ya Smell-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-laow, what the 007 * Cocks his head down, lowers the Ray-Bans, and cocks the nWd eyebrow) * Whispers * Is Cooking.
And with that, SM_007 and Flutie make their way to the back but not before Flutie throws Y2T the bird as Y2T yells and screams and throws a general temper tantrum. After they have left Y2T calms down and looks to his left to get his stick. But it is gone, then from behind he hears…
MM- Psst! Hey you!
As Y2T turns around, he doesn’t even see it coming as he is struck between the eyes by his own Silly Stick by MysteryMan. MysteryMan afterwards throws the stick down on Y2T as he holds his nose that is bleeding. Y2T looks up at MysteryMan as he berates him…
MM- Damn right! I am going to fight those damn losers this Friday Tridus! And there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it!
MysteryMan raises his arms above his head and spins around as the fans chant his name, Y2T sits up on his elbow and watches as MysteryMan leaves and sighs, pondering what he will do…
The monitors then
switch back to Big Sexy and Master Sidious…
MS- Wow, what suspense
hey Big Sexy?
BSS- I’ll say, that was
almost like when Big Sexy was Little Sexy on his first date. I was wondering if I would ever get to first
base, boy oh boy, to my surprise the Sexy one hit a Homer!
MS- Ehhh, I don’t
think that’s quite the analogy we were going for Big Sexy.
BSS- Well it was the
analogy I was going for, heh, heh, and boy did I get it!
MS- Okay well, let’s
take a look at SM_007 and Flutie’s foe for this Friday. He is none other than the orphan boy turned
big time Death Match fan favorite. Yep,
it’s true, it’s true. (Turns to big Sexy) Heh, heh, I love that line!
BSS- Yeah so do I,
especially when the ladies go running to their friends. It’s true, it’s true,
it really is that big!
MS- Ehh, okay, well,
MysteryMan is his name, and kicking ass is his game. In fact he was showcased taking on none other than nWd member Big Tank Hank
just a scant two weeks ago. And with
taking on the rest of the members last week, MysteryMan could wind up taking
out 2 more members of that group this Friday!
But he needs to be careful in there, but with moves like the
“Desperation Elbow” and his finisher in “Mystery Meat” will no doubt give this
man the opportunity he needs to finish off SM_007 and Flutie. Also with the
added stipulation that both SM_007 and Flutie need to have one of their arms
strapped behind their backs. Well it’s
almost like MysteryMan will only be facing one fighter instead of two seasoned
veterans!
BSS- Ahh you forget
though Sidious, these two guys that M and M is taking on are no Big Tank
Hank. Hell he would have better luck
taking on 4 Hank’s than SM_007 and Flutie.
MS- Good point Big
Sexy, but don’t sell MysteryMan short, he could pull this off, and well, it’s
the Death Matches and anything can, and usually does, happen! Now let’s take a
look at the Tale of the Tape for MysteryMan!
Tale of the
Tape-----------------------------MysteryMan
Ø Height----------------------------- 5’8”
Ø Weight---------------------------- 195
Ø Reach----------------------------- 26”
Ø Arms------------------------------- 16 ¾”
Ø Forearms-------------------------- 10”
Ø Fist--------------------------------- 8”
Extended Tale
of the Tape-----------------MysteryMan
Ø Strength--------------------------- 4
Ø Speed------------------------------ 8
Ø Endurance------------------------- 7
Ø Stamina---------------------------- 5
Ø Vision------------------------------- 7
Ø Ability to Strike Opponents------------------ 68%
Ø Ability to Defend Strikes--------------------- 75%
Ø Ability to Perform Power Moves------------ 48%
Ø Ability to Absorb Power Moves-------------- 36%
MS- Okay well
there you have it folks, this week’s match-up is s…
BSS- Umm,
Sidious, what about Y2T?
MS- Huh? What do you mean BS?
BSS- You
heard SM_007 on the Just Another Sunday, he said if Y2T kills M and M he can
have his spot in the match. Aren’t we
going to talk about that?
MS- Oh come
on Big Sexy, Y2T won’t kill M and M.
BSS- I
wouldn’t be too sure about that Sidious, I mean, Y2T doesn’t want M and M doing
the fight. We could see him take him
out to prevent him from fighting.
MS- Well true
I guess, he did say he wouldn’t let MysteryMan fight. Well I guess we will have to wait until this Friday then. Okay, well we aren’t going to go back to
Y2T, so we will bid you all a good day, and see you this Friday, when Death and
Destruction will meet head on. So long,
and god bless…
And as the
credits roll…
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