(This is an in-character post about the Death Matches, if you are offended, or hate the Death Matches than I suggest you probably want to hit the back button now)
Sunday Morning arrives in the Death Match arena. A few forumers are mingling about as they sweep up the mess caused by the second season opening match. The forumers are talking amongst themselves about the match up.
Sweeping Forumer #1- Damn it, why do we always get stuck with this s#$t detail?
Sweeping Forumer #2- ‘cause there fella, we are the goons, we do the dirty work after each and every Death Match.
Mopping Forumer- Hey you two, keep down the chatter and get back to work, Sid6.9 needs this place cleaned up post-haste!
Sweeping Forumer #1 (Sneering at the mop guy)- Why we gotta take orders from you!
Sweeping Forumer #2 (To Sweeping Forumer #1)- Cause dummy, he’s got the mop. When you have the mop you can tell the other cleaners what to do.
Sweeping Forumer #1- Ahh don’t seem fair to me! I am just as good as any one of those fighters Sid6.9 gets! (To the Mopping Forumer) What makes you think you are any better than me.
Mopping Forumer (Gives a toothless smile)- Har, Har, Har, Har, hey Hank! Hank!
Hank comes from behind a pillar where he is busy picking up some garbage…
Hank- What ya want?!?
Mopping Forumer (Still laughing about what the Sweeping Forumer #1 said)- Ha, ha, ha, this little peon over there thinks he gots what it takes to beat anyone of the fighters Sid6.9 has put in the ring, ha, ha, ha!
Hank gives a mighty belly laugh, coughs a few times, looks at Sweeping Forumer #1again and starts to laugh again.
Hank (To Sweeping Forumer #1)- Son, you better mind your pees and ques, these here walls got them ears. And I don’t think you want the likes of Flutie, Peak_Man, or Y2T to hear your comments.
Sweeping Forumer #1- Hog Wash, I’d wipe the floor with anyone of those guys, just like I be doing here with this here Sweeper thingie! * While holding up the broom *
Hank (Looking Seriously at the Sweeping Forumer #1)- Son, pipe down with that talk. Or I’ll take you personally into the ring and wipe the mat with ya! Ya hear!
Sweeping Forumer #1- I’d kick your fat, 10 sandwich eating, 4x4 ass so bad! Don’t tempt me fat boy!
Hank hearing this straightens up his overalls and puts down the bag he has been carrying.
Hank- Well then lets see what you got thar boy!
Hank heads down to the ring as the Mopping Forumer and Sweeping Forumer #2 follow him laughing, as they are about to see Sweeping Forumer #1 get killed, finally…
Sweeping Forumer #1 just stands there looking at the men as they stand down at ringside, taunting him to come down. He looks at his broom, realizing that maybe now he can finally earn some much needed respect. And after all, he has always dreamed of getting into that death match ring to kick some butt. Even though it was a fat, over demanding boss, that gets winded just getting up from the crapper. Sweeping Forumer #1 puts down his broom and heads to the ring, hitching up his britches along the way. And if he did good, maybe Sid6.9 might actually be watching…
Sweeping Forumer #1 makes his way down and climbs the steel steps, as the other two heckle at him and cheer Hank on. He makes his way into the ring, along the way he grabbed the high tension ropes and was amazed at how strong the were, that they hardly had any give at all. It amazed him at this fact as he seen the competitors that flung themselves off these ropes, and how they bent when they did, he was amazed at how they never broke. And now with feeling them he had a better idea as to how tough the competitors Sid6.9 got. That was his first reluctance as he made his way into the ring…
Sweeping Forumer #1 stared across the ring at the fat man, as the other two heckled him. Hank was smashing his large pudgy hands together and hitched up his britches once again. Sweeping Forumer #1 for the first time felt an enormous wave of fear come over him. Hank was twice his size and at least 8 inches taller than he. Sweeping Forumer #1 tried to think of what Big Sexy may say in a situation like this. He looked up at the announcing stand and imagined them sitting up there talking about the fight…
Master Sidious- Well welcome Death Match fans, we are here looking at one dozy of a fight today. We have Hank the Big Bossman going against the little Sweeping Forumer #1 that thinks he could! Big Sexy how do you see this fight going down?
Big Sexy- Well for the little man that could, he needs to use his obvious speed advantage. I don’t think Hank has ever ran, except when a girl is chasing him. I hear Big Tank Hank fears women…
Sweeping Forumer #1 smiles and chuckles to himself as he could hear Big Sexy say that about Hank…
Suddenly though a pain flashes through Sweeping Forumer #1’s face as he goes flying back against the turnbuckle. He opens his eyes, but has water built up in them. He has never felt this type of pain before, his nose feels like it has been ripped off. Sweeping Forumer #1 tries to wipe the tears from his eyes, and sees Big Tank Hank throwing another punch from left field at him. Sweeping Forumer #1 ducks the punch and backs out from under the punch as Big Tank Hank hits nothing but the turnbuckle. Hank holds his hand in pain, as Sweeping Forumer #1 checks his nose and wipes the blood away. He once again looks to the announcing booth hoping the imaginary Sidious and Big Sexy are still there…
MS- Oh wow, what first contact from Big Hank the Bossman. I thought that second punch was going to take his head off!
BSS- Yep, but like I said, the little Sweeping Forumer #1 that could managed to dodge it. He needs to get Big Tank Hank to the ground if he wants any chance in this fight!
Sweeping Forumer #1 nods at that, just an Hank grabs a hold of him. He picks him up and slams him hard right into the mat. Sweeping Forumer #1 has the air in his lungs immediately go out of him. How odd, he can’t move, breath, or even see! He saw all the competitors that were in this ring before take slams of this nature, and just bounce right back up. But the mat didn’t give to his body, he thought the ring was gimmicked somehow, but not now. Suddenly he sees a dark figure fly up over him and start to come straight down at him. Sweeping Forumer #1 quickly rolls to his left just as Hank hits the mat with his belly, and no Sweeping Forumer #1 there to take the brunt.
Hank groans and rolls over grabbing his belly, as Sweeping Forumer #1 scrambles to his feet. He looks for more imaginary advice from Big Sexy…
MS- Wow, what a splash! Good thing Sweeping Forumer #1 moved just in time, or else he would have been roadkill!
BSS- Yep, but what is Sweeping Forumer #1 waiting for, he needs to take to the air. And Sidious, why is he staring at us? And smiling too? Do you think he wants to have sex with me?
MS shrugs, then Sweeping Forumer #1 wipes that image from his mind to see Big Hank the Bossman rolling around still in agony. Sweeping Forumer #1 sees his opportunity and climbs the nearest ring turnbuckle. Upon reaching the top he tries to steady himself, but finds it difficult to do. How do the other light weights just jump up here and leap off like they do? He can hardly maintain his balance at all. He looks and sees Big Hank getting on his hands and knees and launches himself off…
Oh what a feeling as he soars through the air, he can almost hear the fans cheer as he jumps, he can feel the rush of the cheers for him. He ca… * Whomp * And the air in his lungs go rushing out again as he hits the mat, some 10 feet from Hank. In fact he only went 3 feet away from the turnbuckle that he jumped off of. How can that be? He seen the lightweights go clear from one corner to the other with ease. Oh how his ribs hurt badly. Big Hank comes over and picks up Sweeping Forumer #1 again and tries to slam him back to the mat, but Sweeping Forumer #1 slides off his back and lands on his feet. He turns and looks for more advice from Big Sexy and Sidious, to only see Sidious sitting there…
MS- Sorry kid, Big Sexy saw a redhead and went after her.
Sweeping Forumer #1 (Talking in his mind at the imaginary Sidious)- So what do I do?
MS- I don’t know, this is your fantasy. And I need to go to, you can only have me in 3 segments of a fantasy. But before I go, I hear Big Hank has a bum knee.
Sweeping Forumer #1 hears this and nods just as Big Hank the Bossman tries to grab him up. He ducks and rolls under Hank and runs to the furthest turnbuckle. Hank with anger in his eyes charges at him, Sweeping Forumer #1 charges at the large man as well, but as they meet. Sweeping Forumer dives straight into Hanks knees making him buckle and come crashing hard down to the mat in pain. Sweeping Forumer #1’s shoulder hurts as well, but when he sees Hank in pain, that feeling goes away as he mounts Hank and proceeds to beat the living hell out of him. Hank tries to protect himself, but everytime he raises his hands Sweeping Forumer #1 punches the knee he hit. He feels the rush as the blood flies from Hank’s face, he feels the victory coming, when suddenly…
The other 2 lackeys of Big Hank clobber him from behind. They drag him to the corner turnbuckle and lash him to the ropes with, well ropes. They begin to whip him with the mop and broom handles as Hank calls from behind…
Hank- Okay, that’s enough, save some of that punk for me!
Big Hank goes to grab his head and deliver the final blow when suddenly the lights in the Death Match arena dim, a sign on the DeathMatch-O-Vision light up with Y2T and a countdown…
5…
4…
3…
2…
1…
A brief moment of silence than an explosion as the house lights come back on, with no one in the entry way…
Hank (Watching the entry way)- Humph, musta been a malfunction…
But a voice from behind them in the farthest turnbuckle speaks up. They all turn to see Y2T in the flesh standing in the ring…
Y2T- You dare disgrace my ring, my Tridaholics ring, with this boring stereotypical beatdown of an obvious fan of mine! I shall not let this happen anymore, release that Tridaholic, before the “Iootolah of Rock and Rolla” goes medieval on your asses.
Hank- Hey this is no business of yours “Tyrant Tridus”, this punk had it coming to him, and if you don’t back off, you too will feel the nWd’s wrath!
Y2T crosses his arms and looks at Hank in earnest…
Hank- Yeah that’s right, Flutie is my cousin, and if you know what is good for you, you will leave now.
As Hank turns around again…
Y2T- Oh really, you know, I did notice the similarities. The same slopping eyebrows, the same big nose, and of course (Looking at his crotch) the same ball size…..pea sized balls that is!
Hank- I said leave punk, or my cous Flutie will kick yo…
But before he can finish Tridus charges and dives at him, striking his head just under his rib cage and drives him full force into the mat. Y2T rises to his feet, as Hank struggles to get air into his lungs. Y2T looks at the other 2 who just scream like little girls and jump out of the ring and run away…
Y2T (Looking at Hank)- I could have killed you right there fat man. But I didn’t, cause you aren’t a real Death Match participant. Now I suggest you leave now, before I change my mind and take you totally out! * As Hank leaves the ring clutching his chest * And tell your cousin Flutie that if he doesn’t like it, he knows where to find me punk!
Hank (Turning around and blue in color)- * Gasp * Oh you * Gasp * can * Gasp * count on * Gasp * it punk!
Hank soon departs as Y2T unties the Sweeping Forumer #1, and looks at him. Sweeping Forumer #1 looks up at him.
Y2T- You know kid, you got a lot of heart and balls. But you don’t have much brains do you.
Sweeping Forumer #1 just looks at him and down at the ring for a second, then back at Tridus and asks…
Sweeping Forumer #1- Teach me!
Y2T (Chuckling to himself)- Heh, heh, teach you what? How to take a fall? How to take a good beating? Heh, heh, you already have that down pat kid, I don’t need to teach you how to do that. Heh, heh.
Sweeping Forumer #1- No please teach me, I want to be in the Death Matches!
Tridus getting out of the ring and speaking to the kid again…
Y2T- Sorry kid, I have enough troubles, and with saving you, the ante just went up when it comes to Flutie. I should have just killed that fat man. * Thinks to himself for a second * Hmm, guess my humanity is catching up to me. Heh, heh, if this was last season, he woulda been dead. And kid, I suggest you leave this forum now. Word gets back to Flutie he will want your blood just as bad as mine.
The Sweeping Forumer #1 chases after Y2T…
Sweeping Forumer #1- Y2T * While grabbing his shirt * I have nowhere to go. I have no money and no family. I need you to teach me the ways of the death match! I need your help.
Y2T (Tugging away from the kid)- Sorry kid I just did help you!
Sweeping Forumer #1- Please, I will do anything, anything you ask, hell I’ll be your personal slave if you want me too. Just as long as you don’t want me to do any freaky stuff.
Y2T- Nope, sorry, I’ve got problems of my own. Can’t be worried about babysitting a kid like you.
The Sweeping Forumer #1 stands there and frowns as Y2T continues to walk away, he then shouts…
Sweeping Forumer #1- Figures, a has been like you only has one person to look out for….Tridus, and no one else. Guess you really don’t have any fans, you just treat them like play things! Figured that someone like you has nothing he could teach anyway. Well fine, I will take on the whole nWd myself. Yeah, I will take them all on myself and kill them all, cause you certainly can’t. Because the only person you care about is you!
Y2T stops at the entry way and clinches his fists tightly and turns and charges at the young kid and grabs him up by his collar.
Y2T- Why you little punk, I do care about my fans! How dare you speak to me in that tone after I saved your butt in the ring! How dare you think that I only care about myself! I care about everything that has entered my life! And will always protect my family and friends from those evil bastards in the back!
Sweeping Forumer #1 (Looking him dead in the eye)- I guess I don’t count do I?
Y2T looks at the kid and then to the ring lights, then back at the kid again. He gives out a brief sigh…
Y2T- * Sigh * (Speaking in a calm voice and smiles a bit)- You really do have some enormous balls kid. All right, I will teach you. But you will listen to what I say at all times! When I tell you to do something you jump! When I tell you to be somewhere at a certain time you be there, not 1 minute early, or 1 minute late!
Sweeping Forumer #1 (Excited)- Yes, yes absolutely Y2T, absolutely!
Y2T- And please don’t call me Y2T, call me Tridus. What is your name anyway?
Sweeping Forumer #1- Yes sir, Tridus sir. My name is Sweeping Forumer #1.
Y2T- What? Who gave you that name?
Sweeping Forumer #1- Well I think sir that Sid6.9 did sir.
Y2T- Figures, Sid6.9 isn’t without his sense of humor. Heh, heh, Sweeping Forumer #1, heh, heh, only Sid could come up with something like that.
Sweeping Forumer #1 smiles at Tridus…
Y2T (Thinks for a moment)- We need a catchy name. Something people will be like, hey who is this guy? Where did he come from? What is the deal with him and why is he with the “Iootolah of Rock and Rolla”? That guy is a mystery, man!
Tridus snaps his fingers…
Y2T- Ha, that’s it! You shall be known now as MysteryMan!
MysteryMan looks at Tridus with glee in his eyes…
MysteryMan- Oh yes sir, that name is awesome sir. MysteryMan, you all shall fear the Mystery. I come from behind with my Mystery foot and kick all their asses!
Y2T- Whoa there Sparky, calm down, we have a lot of work to do with you. And stop calling me sir, everytime you do that I look behind me for my father. Come on (As he throws his arm around his neck and starts to walk to the back with him) Lets get out of here and get to training…
And so Y2T and MysteryMan made their way up the ramp and out of the Death Match arena, where to, we don’t know. But it looks like Tridus has someone on his side…