Note: This was posted by Edge to the War Room. Archived here with permission.

*The scene is the Judge Judy show. She has just stepped up to 
settle another one of her domestic disputes between two people 
who are fighting over something as trivial as a toaster, when all 
of a sudden, the lights go out.*

Judge Judy: What the hell? Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's 
raining again!

*All of a sudden, a big screen lowers behind the Judge Judy, with 
the letters "Y2T" on it. Everyone in the darkened room 
looks up at it, and see that there is a counter on it, counting 
down from the number "5."*

That Cop From Her Show: It's a bomb! Agh!

*The security guy runs out of the room, knocking over several 
small children and farm animals along the way, who were all in 
the jury.*

*The Y2T counter gets to zero, and... silence. There is nothing. 
But then explosions shoot out from under Judge Judy's table, 
sending her flying through the celing. A man in baggy leather 
pants and a "Y2T" t-shirt appears on her desk, his arms 
held out in the Christ position.*

Tridus: Welcome to... Judge Tridus!

*The jury looks back and forth at each other, confused.*

Tridus: I know your simplistic minds may not be able to handle 
it, but I am here for YOUR OWN BENEFIT! You people are in a court 
case which is nothing more than a sham! It's a crock! You see, 
not only do you people - and farm animals, which I refuse to 
acknowledge passed this point - not only do you people have NO 
REAL POWER on this TV show, since Judge Judy comes to the 
verdicts herself, but you are being forces to watch these hicks 
and rednecks argue over material possessions which have no power! 
Sorry, Eli, but you can buy a new toaster.

*The jury laughs, and then starts cheering, slowly but surely, 
for Tridus, knowing that he is their new savior.*

Tridus: And that's why I am here! You people need a savior! You 
people need a hero! A role-model! You need... Tridus! I am here 
to make Judge Judy, forever known now as Judge Tridus, exciting! 
I am going to take this pathetic excuse for a show, even for 
Fox's standards, and I am going to boggle your minds with the 
most exciting, scintillating, provocative programming you have 
ever seen! You people have been taught that mediocrity is 
excellence! Uh uh! You see, TRIDUS is EXCELLENCE! *Lifts arms 
into the savior, Christ position once again.* And now, we have a 
very exciting show for you today. But first...

*Tridus hops into his seat, behind the desk, crossed his hands 
behins his head, relaxing.*

Tridus: And since your first security guard ran out of here like 
the little girl he is, and since I am one bad mama jamma, I 
present for you, someone who I may not like, but I will be damned 
if he won't make a good security officer. The one... the only... 
EDGE!

*Kid Rock's "Bawitdaba" roars over the PA system (which 
appearantly exists now), and the fans, or jury, begin to cheer 
wildly. Tridus seems midly annoyed that Edge is getting more 
cheers than he did, but he lets that pass. Edge comes out, with 
dress pants, an "Edge" t-shirt, shades, and a billyclub, 
since he is the new security officer.*

*Edge walks out beside Tridus and crosses his arms.*

Tridus: Now, we are here today because of a very controversial 
issue. Appearantly, God knows why, some forumers in the War Room 
are convinced that if the number 0.9999 goes on for infinity, 
technically, it becomes the number one.

*The jury starts to argue among themselves, some believing this 
to be true, others believing the opposite.*

*Tridus waves his hand and they all calm down.*

Tridus: We aren't here to debate this fact, nono. You see, I know 
the solution, and heck, even EDGE knows the solution. *Edge looks 
at him with a raised eyebrow.* But you see, I am not even going 
to tell you pathetic morons the truth, because you don't deserve 
it!

Tridus: However, I am going to do the next best thing! You people 
may not realize it, but our lives would be much simpler if this 
debate was never brought up! You see, this debate is something 
that has been bringing people to violence, and without it, 
whether you think someone is right or wrong, we would be MUCH 
happier! So therefore, this is not a case where we will determine 
whether or not these numbers are one and the same. NO, THIS IS A 
CASE where we will blame the person responsible for bringing this 
problem up in the first place! The person responsible for 
annoying those that don't care about the issue! For if we 
eliminate the person who brought this whole problem up, we will 
feel a little bit better inside!

*The jury starts cheering, since they agree that the debate has 
gotten annoying, and would like to see it stopped. Sure, killing 
the man responsible won't stop the debate from ever occuring, but 
what do I know? I am just the narrator, here!*

Tridus: So, in this corner... Err, on this side of the room, 
behind this table, I present you with a CWALer. This man has 
confused and complicated our lives. This man has made us stretch 
our minds to new demensions, and heck, normally that would be 
good, but we don't like it to plague our lives, especially in our 
free time! And finally, this man is responsible for something 
more annoying than the Pokemon craze! Edge, please wheel in... 
SNAPPER!

*Edge walks over, and wheels Snapper in from a door behind 
Tridus' chair. Snapper is tied to one of those things they put 
insane people on, with a mask over his mouth, and several 
straightjackets wrapped around him. He makes low growling noises. 
The jury begins to boo loudly, and some start throwing drinks at 
him.*

Tridus: And folks, I am now going to bring out several War 
Roomers who are sick of this debate. Ladies and germs, I am going 
to bring out those that want the most annoying thing to ever 
happen in the War Room done away with! Ladies and gentlemen, I 
present you with... THE WAR ROOMERS!

*All of a sudden, 20-30 people come storming out, falling over 
each other, and jam themselves into the other desk at the other 
side of the room. There are so many of them that some of them are 
under the desk, and several of them are actually sitting on the 
desk. They make a low commotion, and several of the War Roomers 
being squashed at the bottom are trying to scream.*

Tridus: Yes, yes, very good. You see, this is a case of the 
people... THE PEOPLE... against Snapper. These people want to see 
this debate done away with and destroyed. These people want to 
see this whole thing dropped, since even they would like to 
favour a good, old-fashioned imbalance debate right about now. Is 
there anyone else who might want to go to trial against Snapper?

*Suddenly, the entire jury leaps out of their seats and over each 
other, scrambling to jump into the mound of humanity packed 
behind the opposing desk to Snapper. They all jam into the desk 
to, leaving the jury seats empty, as close to 50 people are all 
packed around a desk in an odd ball-like formation, rocking back 
and forth. More screams can he heard from the inside portion of 
the ball.*

Tridus: Now, let is examine the facts. Since I am playing, 
lawyer, judge, jury AND excecutioner, I will be presenting the 
facts held against Snapper. First, Snapper posted this message, 
evil in its simplicity:

http://www.battle.net/forums/warroom/posts/ff/103563.shtml

Tridus: After a huge thread had amassed, he wasn't finished. 
Nono. He had JUST BEGUN! This evil, maniacal, satanistic freak 
wanted to make you all suffer! He wanted to make you all argue 
until you turned against each other and were at each other's 
throats! Well, that is not good at all! See, after he posted his 
first message, he saw the replies it gathered and posting ANOTHER 
MESSAGES on the issue, once again arguing that 0.99999, repeated, 
sooner or later equals the number ONE! This sent you all ranting 
and raving against him, and soon, each other, while he escaped 
from the reckage, the anarchy, the chaos! During the battle, he 
crawled out on his hands and knees! Here, for you to make a 
decision on, is his NEXT POST:

http://www.battle.net/forums/warroom/posts/gn/103772.shtml

Tridus: It was shortly after this that the chaos ensued. Sure, 
the War Room is always in chaos, but this was too much to handle! 
Folks, I know you will find the defendant guilty, and frankly, he 
doesn't even DESERVE to defend himself, so I am going to skip the 
rest of the crap and just get straight to what you Tridaholics 
want to hear! Men and women, and animals, of the War Room... I 
FIND SNAPPER TO BE GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY!!!

*Tridus puts his arms into the savior position while the ball of 
forumers cheers. Edge takes a step forward.*

Edge: After three boring minutes, Tridus, Edge says: Know your 
role and SHUT your damn mouth! You piece of crap, you forgot the 
most important part of all. You forgot to ask for a means of 
death! And Edge says this: That roody poo, candyass should be 
killed by the Anus Pull From Hell!

Tridus: Now, Edge, I know that you have trouble thinking 
sometimes, but I hadn't forgetten about the means of death! We 
are going to kill that freak with MY finishing move, not yours! 
Sure, your move was enough to kill Fujji, but it certainly isn't 
enough to kill someone was unpredictable as Snapper!

Edge: Perhaps we should have you executed, too, jabroni! In fact, 
Edge thinks that maybe we should take that little hammer that you 
like to pound to keep order in the court, turn that sumbitch 
sideways, and stick it straight up your candyass!

*Edge and Tridus look at each other, squabbling, when all of a 
sudden, the ENTIRE roster from CWAL runs in, and unties Snapper's 
straightjackets. Seeing this, the big ball of War Roomers gets 
angry, and rolls in their direction. The CWALers scream and flee, 
leaving Snapper, who's feet are still tied to the metal thingie, 
to die. The ball rolls on top of him. There is a moment of 
silence.*

Tridus: What the hell?

Edge: Edge thinks that they just killed Snapper by rolling over 
him, Tridus.

Tridus: Well, I'm shocked.

Edge: Just like yesterday, when Edge walked into the NWD dressing 
room, looking to layeth the smacketh down on their candyasses, 
and caught Death~Lizard, Flutie 3:16 and Peak_Man having their 
own little three-way match! They were serving up their own 
poontang pie, if you smell what Edge is cookin'.

*The big ball of War Roomers rolls out of the room, with the feet 
of Snapper sticking out of it. Judge Judy falls back from the 
ceiling and into her chair again.*

Judge Judy: Ugh... What happened?

Edge: Oh, hello Judge. Edge is pleased to meet you.

Judge Judy: Well, hello, hello, young man!

Edge: It seems that you never introduced yourself. What's your 
name, Judge?

Judge Judy: It's Judge Ju-

Edge: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!

*Edge leaves the room.*

Judge Judy: What?! Hey! HEY! Get back here! Dammit, listen to me! 
I'm Judge Judy! OBEY ME! Hey, you, guy with the funny haircut, 
get that man back here! Are you listening to me? Does it say 
"Stupid" on my forehead?

Tridus: NO, I WILL NOT SLEEP WITH YOU! God, what's wrong with 
you? You're a Judge?

Judge Judy: What?! I-

Tridus: Yeah, I heard you! No need to repeat it! My God! There 
are children watching this show!

*Tridus walks out of the room.*

*That security guy cautiously enters the room when no one is 
around aside from Judge Judy. Once he sees the Judge, he 
straightens up.*

That Cop From Her Show: Hey, coast clear! That was a close one! I 
searched for the bomb and I... difused it, yeah! I also found the 
criminal! It was a tough battle, but I beat him! It was like one 
of those kung-fu movies, yeah! And then...

THE END

OR IS IT?


Edge
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