Sorry that I couldn’t get this up Friday Night. I had a prior obligation. Then on Friday night when I was running into work (I live in Seattle, it’s the rain season and I was late), the damn disk decided to leap out of my pocket and head straight to a mud puddle, and a big mud puddle it was too. So, * While Sid swears up and down and in circles * the story was lost, as well as stories one and two. Although I still remember who won those fights. So I remade the story, and here it is. Sorry about the delay. I hope you all enjoy it.

Sid6.9

Disclaimer: This is the Friday Night Death Matches. It is not a popularity contest. All contestants are taken from the War Room, over a flame war, disagreement, or pig butt nasty insult throwing. While the author may have an opinion about the flame war, he will not let it be known through these stories. These stories are not to be taken seriously, it is fictional. All people should be reminded to not try any of these stunts at home, due to the fact that they are made up. Anyways it is just a story.

The crowd jumps to it’s feet, confetti falls from the ceiling. The music of Korns "It’s On" pumps out from the house speakers, as the fans go absolutely nuts. The house lights begin to flash on and off. Cameras pass by the many fans, who are shouting and waving at the cameras. Two figures take their seats above the crowd on a raised platform.

Announcer: Good evening Death Match fans * the fans scream his name "Sidious, Sidious".* That’s right fight fans, I am Master Sidious. Your Death Match Matriarch, and with me as always is the "Cat Man of Calcutta", the "Man of the People", and the man that got it on with 3 girls in a schoolroom locker, Big Sexy Stefan.

Big Sexy: That’s right I am Big Sexy Stefan the Human Love Machine! * All the girls hold there heads and scream incoherent things at Big Sexy* Ahhhh hold on ladies cause there’s enough Big Sexy to go around, oh yeah baby.

MS: Ha, ha, Big Sexy, the ladies sure do love you. Well tonight is a special Death Match.

BSS: That’s right Sidious, cause it was voted by you, it’s Friday Night War Room Death Match……Fandamonium * reverberates throughout the War Room *.

MS: Yep our promoter gave several possible match-ups and you selected the one you wanted to see. Although the voting was really tight between the Battle Bowl and The Tag-Team Flame Wars. Well the Tag match came through, so we are bringing it to you tonight. Hopefully sometime soon, Sid6.9 will promote the other bout as well. Big Sexy tell the fight fans who our competitors are.

BSS: Well our Tag-Team match tonight is one big time match, Ninja Electronica and Deathwish DDW. These high flying, speed motivated flame artists will be taking on the duo of Disgruntled Gamer and Rotten168, the slam-bam thank you ma’am brawlers of the airwaves. This fight is going to bring the worst out of all of them.

MS: Yep it certainly will, and joining us tonight in the booth is none other than the man who used to beckon his call of Resident Flame Bait. He is SubLevel-27 Keeper of the Seven Keys.

*The fans jump to there feet and try to touch SL27 as he walks by them* He just struts by and threatens to backhand a newby forumer.

MS: * hands SL27 a headset * Welcome to the Death Match SL27. We are glad you’re here.

SL27: Your damn right your glad I’m here. Somebody had to save your lame asses, from the crap that spews outta your mouths.

BSS: * Laughs * Ha, ha, he’s talking about you Sidious.

MS: Well just the same we are happy that you are here. I’m receiving word now that Mother Love is with Disgruntled Gamer and Rotten168, lets head to her now.

Mother Love: Hey thanks guys, and Big Sexy, why haven’t you returned my calls, you know you want my mad lovin’. * Winks at Big Sexy *

SL27: Oh good god, Shamu escaped from Sea World, someone should tell her the ocean is that way.

BSS: I know, I bet when she takes off her clothes, she has "Goodyear" printed on her side.

Mother Love: Well guys, you certainly have a big challenge ahead of you tonight. Word has it though that you two haven’t been seeing eye to eye on some things, any comments?

Disgruntled Gamer is sitting in the corner drinking something, and looking rather tired.

Rotten168 (Looking over at Disgruntled Gamer): Just look at him, he’s been drinking alcohol all day long and refuses to talk to me about the fight. All he keeps talking about is how great Daisy Fuentes’s ass is. I don’t really care though, cause I’ll take those other 2 out myself if he doesn’t want to help. But he better bring his ass out there with me.

Mother Love (Having to stoop down to talk to DG, whose eyes are bloodshot): Well not very encouraging remarks from your partner DG, any thoughts.

Disgruntled Gamer: Yeah * Hick * I had a thought……………..Opps, there it went. * Hick *

DG tries to get up but falls over into Mother Loves breasts. He gets a smile on his face.

DG: Damn where were you when * hick * the titanic sank, * hick * you coulda kept that damn thing afloat with these 2 bad boys right there. * DG lifts up Mother loves 2 enourmous breasts. *

ML: Yes I know they are big, they are mommies babies, but what about the fight, how do you think it will go?

DG: (Sees a man walk past the door with big lips) * Hick * Hey, wasn’t that Mick Jagger? That damn fella owes me 2 dollars for the little gin bottle I bought him down in Monte Carlo. Hey! Mick! * Hick * Wait up dude!

Disgruntled Gamer stammers his way out of the door after the big lipped man.

Mother Love: Well back to you guys.

MS: Well it looks like there is some trouble in their locker room. Hopefully they can pull it together tonight.

SL27: Ha, judging from the looks of DG, he isn’t exactly running on all cylinders. That dumb bastard doesn’t look like he knows his ass from a hole in the ground right now.

BSS: *Slaps the desk* Ha,ha he certainly doesn’t, ha, ha. Hey SL27 can I ask you a question?

SL27: As long as it isn’t stupid. All day long I have to hear stupid questions so I don’t want one now.

BSS: Okay, well, I was wondering why you changed your monicker from Resident Flame Bait to Keeper of The Seven Keys?

SL27: What did I say, man that’s a dumb question, anyone with a brain would’ve figured it out. But for you I guess I’ll have to draw a picture. * Reaches hand into pocket and pulls out 7 keys * Ya see, here is 7 keys, and I keep them, keep them right here in my pocket. Hence Keeper of the Seven Keys, bonehead.

BSS: Oh yeah, sorry I asked.

MS: Well since your our guest SL27, why don’t you take us through how this fight will go down.

SL27: Well these guys aren’t anything but creampuffs. But for sake of arguing, my moneys on Ninja and Deathwish. These guys have got the speed to take out those other lame asses. But they have to utilize their speed, and with Disgruntled being a little tipsy, there’s no way to tell how he will battle. But DG and Rotten168 will need to work together, if they don’t, they will never beat Deathwish and Ninja.

MS: Nice couldn’t have said it better myself.

SL27: Of course you couldn’t, why do you think I’m here for.

BSS: Ha, ha, good one SL.

MS: Yeah well, whatever, anyways Mother Love has just hit the locker room of Deathwish DDW and Ninja Electronica. Lets get back to her.

ML: Thanks Sidious, hey guys, looks like your competitors aren’t getting together very well tonight. Do you think that works into your favor?

Deathwish DDW (Kneeling and praying for a deathwish): You’re damn right we are liking it. Those guys are facing their worst nightmares tonight. Ninja Electronica and myself cannot wait to get out there and crush their nuts into oblivion. Rotten says we can’t flame a hamburger. Well that guy couldn’t generate enough heat to warm a frozen pea. I’ve seen his posts and he couldn’t even flame a newby forumer asking about girl problems. Tonight, rotten will see why, we (Pointing at NE and himself) are the flame masters.

Ninja Electronia (In a black shroud showing only his eyes and talking in a whisper): The Ninja is always prepared. Disgruntled Gamer seems to have problems with his alcoholic connections. I although have spiritual oneness with myself, the stars are aligned, and the Ninja and Deathwish shall prevail. The flames are set high, and Rotten168 and DG will burn in them, so sayeth the Ninja.

Mother Love: Wow, what a statement, well back to you guys.

MS: Well, it sure looks those guys are ready to lay some smack down.

SL-27: Yep it’s just like I said, those guys are working well as a team. If Disgruntled Gamer and Rotten168 are going to have any chance against those 2 tonight, then they will have to work together.

BSS: Hey speaking of Disgruntled Gamer, here he comes now.

Disgruntled Gamer makes his way out of the locker room area with the strippers song playing.

Disgruntled Gamer looks at everyone, and laughs.

DG: * Hick * ha ha, what the f#ck is going on * hick * everyone. Come on every * hick * body lets party hearty marty, hee hee hee. * DG slops his drink around getting it all over the place *

SL-27:Man that dude is just stewed man, there is no way he is going to make it tonight.

Disgruntled Gamer stops at the announcer booth and gives a grin at SL-27.

DG: Hey * hick * I know you man, you’re that dude with the seven * hick * keys, aren’t you?

BSS: Ah man 27 he is looking right at you.

Sl-27: He don’t want no part of me baby. I’ll slap the taste right out of his mouth.

MS: Okay and here comes Rotten168.

Rotten 168 comes out to the music of Guns and Roses "Civil War".

SL-27: Oh yeah baby, the South shall rise again.

BSS: An appropriate song, if I do say so for tonight’s particular match-up.

MS: And here comes our last participants, and they are coming out together.

SL-27: Just like I said, they are showing definite unity.

Ninja Electronica and Deathwish DDW make their way out to the song "For Those About To Rock, We Salute You" by AC/DC.

All the fighters make their way into the ring where they are joined by the referee for the bout, Shockwave.

BSS: Hey there’s our resident referee Shockwave. I heard you had an altercation with him backstage SL-27.

SL-27: Yeah the dude beat my ass bad in a game of Scrabble. Man I never seen someone pull so many big words out their ass before, but damn.

MS: (To himself) Heh heh, that doesn’t surprise me.

The announcer makes his way into the ring and takes the mike.

Guy with girl problems: Hello fight fans * Mighty cheers arise from the crowd *. Umm anyone want to get naked for me? * Some fat guy with a parrot tattoo stands up and takes off his shirt *. This fight is presented to you by Budweiser, the king of beers. * All the drunks stand up and toast to that, including Disgruntled Gamer *. Hey, if I get a girl drunk, will she go out with me? * Some girl takes off her shoe and throws it at him. * Okay our first fighter is known all around for his flames, he is Disgruntled Gamer * The fans hiss and boo * (Disgruntled Gamer just walks around in circles, with his arms flapping to his side, mumbling to himself about how he is a goldfish.) His partner is the most rotten man in the war room, he is Rotten168 * The fans hiss and boo *. Hey is it okay for a girl to ask me out? * The fat guy with the parrot tattoo smiles and gives a little wave to him. * Yikes! Okay well there first opponent is the silent but deadly Ninja Electronica * The fans hiss and boo *, and his partner is the only forumer to have flamed just about everyone, including the guy writing this crap, Deathwish DDW * The fans hiss and boo. * Your referee for this bout is the one and only Shockwave. *

Shockwave walks over to Disgruntled.

Shcokwave: (Reaching for his alcoholic beverage) Okay son, hand it over, there is no alcohol allowed in the death match ring.

DG: (Hands the glass over to Shockwave) Ahhh damn it, I’m just fun to want a waiting. * Hick *

MS: Well thank god Shockwave got the damn drink away from him. It looks like Rotten168 and Ninja E are starting this match out.

SL-27: Smart move on Rottens part. Don’t want the lush in there first, or even at all.

As the bell sounds, Rotten168 turns to Disgruntled Gamer.

Rotten168: Okay man, you just be sure to watch my back, okay.

DG: Why * Hick *? Is it going to go somewhere?

As Rotten turns around he notices that Ninja E is gone, and only sees a smiling Deathwish DDW. Who points behind him. But before Rotten can turn around, Ninja E performs a beautiful crescent kick to his kidneys.

BSS: Oh man, what a start, Ninja E using some deception gets behind Rotten and gives him one hell of a kick.

SL-27: Yep, he was more worried about DG, and forget who was in the ring.

Ninja E picks up Rotten and punches him several times against the ring ropes, but Rotten is able to catch the last punch and give Ninja several head butts. Rotten168 hurting real bad stammers over to DG.

Rotten168: I told you, (Grabs his back) ouch, to watch my back. Where the hell were you on that one?

DG: * Hick * Well that front got in dude you, I couldn’t * hick * back your see anymore.

Rotten168 not seeing that Ninja E got the tag into Deathwish turns around to receive a nice kick to his groin.

MS: Oh man, he needs to be prepared, and stop worrying about DG.

Deathwish throws Rotten168 into the ring ropes and catches him with the Flying , Rotten168 goes down to the mat hard, meanwhile…..

DG: Man, am I parched, * hick * all this standing has made me thirsty. Hey Sparky! (Yelling to the water boy) Bring me some of that. (The Water Boy gives him a glass of Seltzer Water.) Now if I could only find that Russian Midget with the Vodka, I’d be set.

Meanwhile Deathwish tags in Ninja E, who catches Rotten168 with several shots to the body and head. But just as fast as a cat runs to some catnip, Rotten168 is able to grab one of Ninja’s feet. Rotten slams him to the ground and grabs the other foot. He swings Ninja up into the air and slams him face first into the mat.

BSS: Oh man, tilt-a-whirl face buster, what a move for Rotten168.

SL-27: Yeah poor bastard is having to do it all on his own.

MS: If there was a time for him to tag out, it would be right now.

Rotten168 drags himself over to his corner to not find DG there.

Rotten168: Oh man, what the hell.

DG is walking over to some dude sitting in the front row.

DG: Hey * hick *, I know you don’t I?

The man shakes his head no.

DG: Sure I do, your Jimmy The Mouth aren’t you? Ha ha, I remember that time * hick * when that elephant ate your class ring. Ha ha ha, so you stuck your arm up it’s ass to get it back, and then the elephant got up and walked away, ha ha ha, ho ho ho (slapping the guy on the shoulder). What a sight, an elephant walking down the road with Jimmy’s arm stuck in its ass, swinging back and forth, ho ho ho! That was a hoot.

Rotten168 gets out of the ring and smacks DG in the head.

DG (Rubbing his head): Heeeeeeeyyyyyyy! Why’d you do that um for?

Rotten168: I’m getting my ass kicked in there, I need your help.

DG: * Hick * Okay, why didn’t you just say so. Geeesssshhhh! * Hick *

DG gets up and into the ring at about the same time Ninja E comes too and is able to re-tag Deathwish into the match. Disgruntled Gamer although is nearly unable to keep his feet, wavering from side to side.

SL-27: Oh man, someone call Disgruntleds momma, cause he’s gonna be dead in I’d say ohh 30 seconds.

MS: Yep, he can hardly stand, let alone fight.

Deathwish makes his way over to DG with a smile on his face. He pushes DG against the ropes causing Disgruntled to lose his balance. Disgruntled finally gets back up.

BSS: Look at that, what a true drinker, he didn’t ever spill any of his drink.

Disgruntled tries to take a drink when Deathwish hits the cup spraying it all over Gamers face.

Deathwish: Ha ha ha, looks like Disgruntled is all washed up, ha ha ha. ROFLHAO.

Disgruntled looks at his empty cup and then wipes his face and stares right at Deathwish.

DG: Someone dial 911, cause someone’s been murdered.

Disgruntled then spears Deathwish right in the chest, and picks him up and crashes Deathwish’s back into his knee.

MS: (Slams fist on desk) Oh man the "Going Postal Knee Drop" Oh man, that was sweet.

SL-27: Yep it was, never mess with another mans cold alcoholic beverage.

About this time Ninja E rushes into the ring and clobbers Shockwave over the head, and runs straight at Disgruntled Gamer.

BSS: Oh what the hell, he just knocked out Shockwave on purpose.

SL-27: Hey, that’s why they call them the Dirtiest Players in the Game man.

Rotten168 seeing Ninja charge into the ring goes in as well, Ninja E not noticing Rotten gets picked up by him, and Rotten runs with him straight into the turnbuckle headfirst.

BSS: Rottenator, Rottenator, Rottenator, Oh man this fight is almost over, lets see if they can finish them off!

SL-27: Heh, I would have to say that was a pretty nice move by Rotten168.

Disgruntled walks over to where he left his fanny-pack and reaches into it for something.

MS: I wonder what he is looking for?

SL-27: Probably his Yukon Jack.

Disgruntled pulls out a pint size of 180 proof Bacardi Rum bottle. Opens it up, takes a big swig, and pours the rest on his arm.

SL-27: Oh for the ever loving mother of god, he’s wasting good alcohol.

Rotten168 meanwhile is on top of Deathwish hammering his head into the mat. Disgruntled seeing Ninja E trying to get to his feet, pulls out a match and lights his arm on fire.

MS: What the hell! He just lit his arm on fire!

SL-27: Like I said, that man is one crazy ass mofo!

BSS: Relax guys, I know what he’s doing.

Disgruntled puts his feet on the ring ropes and launches towards Ninja E, catching his forearm onto Ninjas neck, as well as catching Ninjas turban on fire.

BSS: Yes! The Flaming Flying Forearm! That was awesome baby! Well almost as awesome as my one-eyed trouser snake, but close.

MS: Oh man, with Rotten working on Deathwish, and Ninja now being on fire from the shoulders up, I’d say this fight is all but wrapped up.

SL-27: Ahhh you guys are counting your chickens before they hatch, look.

Disgruntled Gamer after putting his arm out sees a little man dressed in orange and red suspenders walking about 6 rows up.

DG: * Hick * There’s that little f_cker! Get back here with my Vodka damn it, * hick * I’m thirsty!

DG leaves the ring and jumps over the guardrail and disappears into the audience.

MS: Oh man, where the heck is he going? He had the fight virtually wrapped up.

SL-27: Like I said, this fight is not over.

BSS: Not by a long shot, look Ninjas not on fire anymore, and Rotten doesn’t even notice that Disgruntled has fled again.

Ninja side stepping towards Rotten, and pulls off an awesome side kick to his head. Rotten falls over, and tries to immediately get up but is kicked again to the mat. Rotten blocks the next kick and spins around swiping at Ninjas crotch area. Rips the cloth right off and Ninja takes a step back with his burnt eyes and mouth wide open.

MS: Oh man, "Spin Cycle Ball Riper", that’s one if his finishers!

Back in the ring, Rotten168 stands up and smiles while holding the black garment in his clinched fist.

Rotten168: Ha, how you going to take me now, without your nut sack.

Ninja E just smiles at him, causing Rotten168 to become confused. Meanwhile Deathwish has came to and is on his hands and knees behind Rotten.

Ninja E: We Ninja know how to pull our Genitals up into our body.

Rotten168 loses his smile and opens his hand to reveal nothing but just a black cloth. And as he is looking at his hand, Ninja kicks him full in the chest, Rotten falls over Deathwish.

BSS: Uh oh, looks like Rottens in trouble.

Both Ninja E and Deathwish grab a leg and pick him up.

Deathwish: Hey Ninja, make a wish!

And both Ninja E and Deathwish pull in separate directions ripping apart rotten168 in two.

MS: Oh that’s it, fights over for Rotten, he is dead!

BSS: Yep and Shockwave has just came around.

Shockwave looks at Rotten168 laying on the ground, and with thinking the 2 pieces were both Disgruntled Gamer and Rotten168, he raises Deathwishs and Ninjas hands.

MS: Well it looks like your winners are Ninja Electronica and Deathwish DDW.

But from behind them they hear. * Hick *

DG: Hey * hick * guys, going is it how?

SL-27: What the hell are you doing hear you lame ass fruit?

DG: Well I want my keys damn it. You said you’d give the winner the keys.

MS: Umm dude, you didn’t win, look.

SL-27: Yeah you dumb bastard, look at your partner in the ring. He is dead, and Shcokwave thinks you’re in there too, so he gave the match to Ninja and Deathwish! And besides I never said I was giving up my keys, so get outta here. * SL-27 turns back around in his chair *

DG: * Hick * (Grabs a steel chair) I said I won! And I want my damn keys!

And with that, Disgruntled Gamer slams the steel chair down onto Sublevel 27’s head. Knocking SL-27 out cold as a wet mackerel

DG: Now * hick * who won damn it! * Still holding the steel chair in his hands.

Both MS and BSS: Oh you did, you did!

DG: That’s what thought did * hick * I was thinking. Now to get my keys.

Disgruntled Gamer reaches into SL-27’s pocket and pulls out 6 keys.

DG: Hey there’s only 6 here, I’m missing one.

He reaches back into Sl-27’s pocket.

DG: * Hick * Opps that’s not a key, heh heh. Ahhh there it is.

And with that Disgruntled leaves the way he came, all the while mumbling to himself.

MS: (Checking an unconscious Sublevel) Well Fight fans this one is definently over. Your victors were Ninja E and Deathwish DDW. But Disgruntled Gamer is still alive due to confusion from Shockwave.

BSS: Yep and I guess Rotten168 won’t be making any Birthday WISHES any time soon. Ha ha ha

BSS: Guess he won’t be getting the WISHbone at Thanksgiving. Heh heh, ho, ho.

BSS: He won’t need his…

MS: Enough Big Sexy.

BSS: Sorry you know me, I just like to have fun.

MS: Well (Still checking on Sublevel 27) I’m sure SL-27 will have some sort of response when he comes too about Disgruntled. But until then I’m Master Sidious.

BSS: And I’m Big Sexy Stefan the Human Love Machine saying…

Both Toghether: Good Fight, Good Night.