The following presentation is rated PG-13 and features strong language, adult situations and violenceParental Guidance is suggested. No one under the age of 13 shall be permitted.
TIME TO KILL!
TIME TO DIE!
ITS TIME! ITS TIME!
ITS DEATH MATCH TIME!
Friday Night War Room Death Match
The words slowly start to leave, but 3 letters remain. The n from night, the w from war, and the d from death. The w slowly grows larger as the n and the d go to lower case leaving
n.W.d
Those letters slowly disappear as images replace the words in an explosion of violence and destruction to the music of Limp Bizkits Backstabber blares from the death match speakers
Styx slamming
down Dorg on his head, SM_007 kicking British in the gut, Flutie cracking Y2T
over the head, Peak_Man playing with his toes, the 0 beating on the screen,
the re-emergence of SM_007, SM_007 getting the fans in an uproar, then
backstabbing them by hugging Flutie, and finally the fans littering the ring as
SM_007 and Styx put on their new outfits
The cameras
come to life inside the arena as explosions rip throughout the arena. The silouhettes of many people can be seen
as the house lights come on to reveal them as the ravenous fans that they
are. Many are shouting messages into
the monitors about the nWd, others hold up
their homemade signs, some of them read
SM_007 is the peoples chump! Hey Flutie! How does SMs ass taste? Hey my mom let me come here! Im just here for the beer. The BAND is back together, yes! Im Black and blue, through and through. Big Sexy, will you spank me, Ive been very naughty! Y2T means excitement
The cameras
pass by and settle in on a man as he lifts a microphone to his mouth
Announcer
Dude (Before he can speak)- * The fans begin a shouting cheer of Dude, dude,
dude! * Hello Fight Fans, yes, yes, I am here, and do you know what time it
is?!? * The fans respond accordingly Death Match Time! * Yes, thats right,
Weird Ass Sports in co-operation with Tridus Inc is proud to bring youThe
Friday Night War Room Death Matches! * The fans go in an uproar of cheers * And
now, please welcome with me, your host and leader in death match entertainment
journalism, he is of courseMaster Sidious!
The fans
immediately go into an uproar with cheers of Sidious, Sidious, Sidious!
A man grabs
the house mic and greets the fans
Master Sidious-
Thank you, thank you fight fans, and welcome once again to the Friday Night War
Room Death Matches! And we are in for a
wild ride tonight! But speaking of wild
rides, lets welcome back my tag-team partner of devastationhe is the man
known as Spanky Spankerton, Mr. Speedo Libido and the man that answers the
question of Wheres the beef? He is of course
The female
fans suddenly erupt orgasmically with Big Sexy Stefan baby, yeah!
Big Sexy
Stefan- Oh yeah baby! You cant hold a
Sexy Man down! I am back, I am back!
And I brought a big friend with me ladies, I think you all know him, he is of
course * As he points to his crotch * The Human Love Machine! Now last week
the HLM was out of business, but hes back baby, and he is ready to run, yeah!
* The ladies all scream incorrigible things at Big Sexy as he dances on the
desk top *
MS- Heh, heh,
okay BS enough with the dancing already.
Hey, its good to have you back. We missed you for last weeks action in
the ring.
BSS- Yeah
well I had to let that snotty lady have it last week * As he balls his fist and
makes a punching motion *
MS (Looking
at Big Sexy intently)- Oh yeah, we know you let her have it, heh, heh.
BSS (Proudly)-
Yep, I told her that the fans need Big Sexy and she didnt agree so I beat her
up and tossed her out, yeah.
MS (Looking
at BS quizzically)- Really? But we
heard quite a ruckus going on in her locker room last Friday.
BSS
(Smartly)- Oh yeah, no doubt me tossing her around.
MS- Mmm-hmm,
I see, so with her screaming * Looks at a piece of paper * Ride me you wild
stallion would suggest that you were beating her up?
BSS (Eyeing
Sidious)- No, no ya see, she said, Here ride my wild stallion not Ride me
you wild stallion. Ya see, there was
this horse back there, and she tried to bribe me with riding the horse ya
see. Yeah, she wanted to give me a
horse so I would stop beating her up; yeah thats it.
MS (Looking
at the piece of paper again, and smiling)- I see. And her screaming Oh god, Oh
god, Oh god! after you asked, Now whats my name? What about that, it really
seems fishy to me.
BSS
(Astonished at Sidious)- Nothing fishy about it Sidious. She was screaming for god to help her from
the merciless pounding I was giving her.
MS-
Indeed. Heh, heh I have no doubt you
were giving her a Pounding.
BSS- So what
are you trying to say Sidious, huh? You
think I had sex with her?
MS- Well
BSS- You do,
you do. Well I tell you I would never have
sex with an old wrinkly snotty lady, no way.
I beat her up so we could still do the death matches! And we are still doing the death matches, so
you should be thanking me!
MS- Heh, heh
okay Big Sexy, thanks for hitting it with herI mean thanks for burying your
axe in herI mean thanks for giving her that quote un-quote Pounding heh, heh,
heh.
BSS (Eyeing
his suspiciously)- I did not hit it with her, I hit her. And I did bury THE axe
right between her shoulder blades!
MS- Well I
have no doubt you buried that AXE between something.
BSS- I did
not have sex with that woman.
MS (Smiling)-
Sure you didnt Big Sexy.
BSS (Crossing
his arms and looking away from Sidious)- I didnt have sex with her.
MS (Smiling
still)- Okay BS, whatever you say.
BSS just sits
there grumpy with Sidious when suddenly the stadium lights shut off as the
DeathMatch-O-Vision lights up with a bright white 0, that blinks to another
0, and then to a 7 as the speakers give off a heart beat type of sound
MS- Ah damn
it, not now, why are they coming out here now!
We have a damn show to do here.
Big Sexy can you believe what is going on? Big Sexy? Big Sexy?
BSS- Oh man,
oh no, the Amazing Zero has returned!
MS (Rolls his
eyes)- Its not the Amazing Zero Big Sexy. It is SM_007.
BSS- No way,
its the Amazing Zero! You cant
trick me by saying its someone that is dead anyway Sidious. I know SM_007 is dead.
MS- No he is
not, he is back, think about it BS. One
week we saw a 0, then the next week another 0
BSS- Oh my
god! Theres two of them?!? Theres two Amazing Zeros?
MS- Ugh, no
BS, let me finish. Then the third week we saw the 7, remember?
BSS- Yes, yes
I remember. Its the galloping
Seven. I remember him, oh me oh my we
are all gonna die!
MS (Looks
upwards in disgust)- Big Sexy! Think
about the numbers, 0, then 0, then 7!
Ya see 007 as in SM_007! He
didnt die Big Sexy, he is back!
BSS- So what
are you trying to say Sidious?
MS (Puts his
head in his hands)- Oh good grief, would you just come out here and look? (As
he pulls at Big Sexys arm)
Big Sexy
peers his head up and sees SM_007 and Styx walking down the ramp, being
followed by Flutie and Peak_Man
BSS- Oh hey,
theres SM_007, but I thought he was dead?
MS- He isnt,
he is the one tha
BSS- Oh hey
Sidious, that means the numbers we have been seeing were actually the numbers
in his name. Wow, I cant believe you
didnt think of that Sidious.
MS- I did you
dolt!
BSS- Now, now
Sidious, no sense in you getting upset, just because I figured it out before
you did.
MS- I did
figure it out, I figured it out last week while you were burying the bone in
the back last week with that snotty lady, you bonehead!
BSS- Uh-uh
Sidious, then why didnt you just tell me. And for the last time, I did not
have sexual relations with that woman!
MS (Upset)-
Oh you, oh. (Closes his eyes) Ten, nine, eight, seven, six
BSS- Hey
Sidious, why does SM_007 and Styx have on nWd
T-shirts?
MS- Because
they are with them now.
BSS- Okay,
umm, why?
MS- Oh grrr,
you need to see last weeks show Big Sexy, you didnt watch it did you?
BSS (Making
circles on the desk with his finger)- Umm, no, I was busy.
Flutie takes
the mic as the fans begin to litter the ring with trash
Flutie- All
right shut your mouths you un-grateful bastards, the nWd
is in the house, so you better recognize this! Listen up good, cause Im only
gonna say this once. We are here to
take this damn piece of crap show over, and nothing, I mean nothing is gonna
stand in our way! Now listen up cause
SM_007 is gonna lay the law down on you!
And Flutie
hands the mic to SM_007 who stands their with the mic in his hand looking at
the audience with the nWd eyebrow cocked
SM_007
(Putting the mic up to his mouth)- And finally, 007 has returned to the Death
Matches! * A chorus of boos ring out from the fans as 007 stands their ignoring
it) Now, it seems that a lot of you are out there crying, Boo hoo hoo SM_007
how could you do it, boo hoo hoo! And others of you are upset with the great one
shߝwyOi~are dead, how can you be back! Well the answer to both your
questions lie in this answer. So listen
up Jabronies, cause the great one is only going to say this once.
SM_007 cocks
his head as the fans actually stop booing
SM_007- Ya
see, several months ago, when I first started out in the Death Matches. The great one had a plan, a vision if you
will, where SM_007 foresaw himself taking these Death Matches to a better
place. But that roody-poo candy ass
Sid6.9 wouldnt listen to a damn word the nWd
champion would tell him. He would say *
In a wimpy voice * But I know whats best for the Death Matches, blah, blah,
blah I know what the fans want blah, blah, blah Bah! Sid6.9 wouldnt know
how to remove his head from his own ass. Much less take the most entertaining
man in Death Match entertainment history to new heights. No, he decides instead to take a man that
has no talent, absolutely no charisma, and no balls whatsoever and promotes him
above the Great One. Ya see, this roody-poo
is named Tridus, and The great one doesnt take no orders from that piece of
monkey crap!
The fans
start booing again and begin a chant of Y2T, Y2T, Y2T as Peak_Man and Styx
look around menacing
SM_007
(Circles around the ring pointing at the fans)- You all better know your roles
and shut your mouths. The great one is out here speaking to you ungrateful
bastards, so shut up! Shut up or Ill
blow
Suddenly the
lights in the Arena shut off and a countdown clock shows up on the
DeathMatch-O-Vision
5
4
3
2
1
Suddenly there is an explosion as nearly everyone in the arena jumps from the sudden sound. The music of Enter Sandman blares from the house speakers as a man stands inqW 8m with his arms raised and his back to the arena, a slightly taller man stands beside him. Then the house lights come on and Y2T turns around and takes 10 steps forward to the edge of the elevated platform. He looks left then follows through to the right. Places his hand up to his mouth and blows a kiss from the right to the left as the fans go absolutely insane with cheers. The man beside him suddenly jumps in the air, doing an air guitar routine and landing on one knee as Y2T smiles at it. The fans cheer, but not as loud as for Y2T. The man stands up and takes the microphone from his pants and puts the mic up to his lips
MysteryMan-
Welcome to Death is Tridus! * The fans erupt in a mighty cheer as he says that
*
MysteryMan-
My, my, my, what do we have here. A
bunch of little crybabies that cant handle the fact that they are not the most
exciting members of the Death Matches.
In face Id wager to say that you losers couldnt even excite a 600lbs
woman begging for sex! I think
SM_007
interrupts MysteryMan
SM_007 (With
his hand extended up)- Who in the hell are you? You dare come out on 007s show and speak to me in this
manner? You dare to challenge the
Great One with trying to excite your sexual depraved mother? What is your name Jabronie!?!?
MysteryMan
(While Y2T tries to grab the mic)- My name is
SM_007 (As
Tridus shakes his head in anticipation with whats next)- IT DOESNT MATTER
WHAT YOUR NAME IS JABRONIE! Now it is
obvious to me, that you are nothing but a rowdy-poo flunky of that other monkey
spanker Y2T there. So I suggest you
take your ass and get the hell out before I check your ass into the SmackDown
hotel!
MysteryMan
hands the mic over to Y2T as he pats his shoulder
Y2T (Puts his
hand up to his forehead and starts to rub it as he looks at the audience)- Gee
there 007, you certainly seem upset tonight.
Some would say that you seem to have your panties in a bunch.
SM_007- The
only panties in a bunch are the ones that 007 will shove up your candy ass!
Y2T (Smiles)-
Umm sorry there S and M man, but I dont ride that train, but you can, Im sure
you will have willing participants. I
mean look at who you have behind you.
Peak_Man already has anal experiences, he had a complete man up there
before. (Peak_Man shakes his head yes)
And judging from the look on Styxs face, he is obviously suffering from
constipation, in no doubt caused by you placing objects up his roody-poo ass.
(Styx gets a really irritated look on his face as Y2T looks at him) Whats
wrong their Styx, diaper rash getting to ya?
Styx goes off
the handle grabbing the mic from SM_007
Styx- Why you
little fucking punk! You know what, who was it that saved your ass last year,
huh punk! Who took the punishment from
that goof right there * As he points at Peak_Man * Thats right you fucking little
ingrate. It was me! I saved your ass, and this is your
thanks! I spend 6-months in traction
and this is my re-payment! The mood is
about to change Tridus, and its going to smack you over the head!
SM_007 takes
the mic from Styx and tries to calm him down
Y2T- Oh no
there Pixie Styx, I had that fight well in hand, your interference cost me more
than you will ever know. Now on to
Flutie. Well S and M man Im sure
Flutie would be happy to toss your salad for you. I know all the boys in the back say he is great. I fortunately dont care for that type of
thing. Being married and all
Flutie grabs
the mic, as SM_007 looks at him irritated.
Flutie- Well,
well, you little asshole. You want to
make gay jokes and shit, thats fine with me.
But while you were tending to the business here, I was tending to your
wifes business if ya know what I mean! * As he strikes the porno star pose and
begins to hump *
BSS- Oh hey,
I know that move quite well!
MS- Yep, and
Im sure that snotty lady from last week does as well, heh, heh.
BS- Damn it
Sidious! (Looks at the camera and raises a fist while extending his thumb to
the camera and points) My fellow Americans and Canadians, I did not have any
sexual relations with that woman despite what Sidious may be telling you. He lies Fight Fans, thats what he
does. And I dont care whats *
Grabbing Sidiouss notebook * in this 1000 page document. I did not have sex with that woman and never
will!
And Big Sexy
heaves Sidiouss notebook out into the audience
MS-
Nooooooooooo! Damn it Big Sexy, that
was tonights docket!
BSS- Oh, umm,
heh, heh sorry Sidious.
Meanwhile
SM_007 grabs the mic from Flutie and starts to argue with him which causes
Flutie to shove SM_007 who shoves Flutie right back. Peak_Man and Styx try to interfere but bump into each other
causing them to push each other around
Y2T (Enjoying
the action in the ring)- You know what ladies, if you all can stop bickering
and boring my Tridaholics for a second, maybe you would like to know who you
all are fighting tonight.
SM_007- The
Great One doesnt care what little competitors you have for us tonight. Ya see 007 will roll up his sleeves, and
pull up the nWd eyebrow, and smack their sad
silly sorry asses down, if ya smell-la-la-la-la
Y2T- Woo,
woo, woo, woo there S and M man, I dont think you quite get it do you?
SM_007 looks
intently at Y2T as MysteryMan smirks at him
SM_007 (To
MysteryMan)- Whip that smirk off your face boy, before the great one smacks you
down like the little Y2T wanna-be bitch whore you are! What do you mean 007 dont get it? Get what?
MysteryMan
tries to approach the ring, but Y2T holds him back
Y2T- Ya see,
tonight, in that very ring. We will be
holding a first ever Death Match Double Header! * The fans cheer to that, hell
that means two fights * In the first battle it will be a first ever I Quit
match! Where the first opponent to
yell, I Quit will be the loser. And
in the second match we will be seeing a first ever Decapitation Match where
the loser, will, well, lose his head in that very ring!
SM_007 (Cocks
the nWd eyebrow)- So who is fighting, you
Jabronie?
Y2T- Well I
think it is pretty obvious, even to a nimrod such as yourself. In the first match, it will be Peak_Man *
The crowd boos * Vs. non-other than.Styx! * The crowd looks around in
stunned silence as Peak_Man and Styx look at one another * And of course for
the main event, it will be Flutie vs. well I dont think I have to tell you,
Im sure you already know
And Y2T
tosses the mic departs as Enter Sandman blares from the house speakers
SM_007
(Trying to scream at Y2T)- You little Jabronie, theres no way this is
happening! You little piece of monkey
crap! We are not fighting each other!
But Y2T
already had disappeared as SM_007, Flutie, Peak_Man, and Styx all give weary
glances towards one another, then depart the ring one at a time as the look at
each other. SM_007 stands in the ring
alone as the fans heckle at him and sing Sha-na-na-na, Sha-na-na-na hey, hey,
hey, goodbye! Sha-na-na-na, Sha-na-na-na, Sha-na-na-na hey, hey, hey, goodbye!
*
MS- Oh my
god! You heard it fight fans, we are
having us a special nWd doubleheader! In the first match, it will be a I Quit
rules match. And in the second it will
be a Decapitation Match! Oh my god,
Peak_Man vs. Styx in the first match and Flutie vs. SM_007 in the main
event! My god in heaven, Y2T can
certainly put together one hell of a show hey Big Sexy!
BSS just
stares outwards with tears in his eyes
MS- Umm, BS,
are you okay?
BSS (Turns
slowly to Sidious then smiles)- Sidious, this is going to be..AWESOME!
MS- Boy you
can say that again Big Sexy!
BSS- Sidious,
this is going to be
MS (Cutting
him off)- Figure of speech BS, figure of speech! Well we will get to the first match up after these words from our
sponsors, DeathMatch Power Drink! You
just cant drink one!
The cameras
switch off as a group of men are sitting around a BoardRoom table discussing
something
Boss-
All right damn it, we need to come up with a slogan, and now!
1st
man- How about Its all about the Juice!
Boss-
Hmmm
2nd
Man- I know, Spank my Juice!
Boss-
Not bad. How about you Charlie, you havent come up with anything lately at
all. I suggest you give me a slogan, or
lose your job.
Charlie-
Umm, well, uhh, Juice, cause it isgood?
Boss- Oh
now, thats just dumb, get the hell out of my board room, you are fired!
Charlie-
But, but, my wife is going to leave me, you cant fire me?
2nd
man- Dont worry Charlie, Ill keep you around.
Charlie-
Really?
2nd
Man- Yeah you can fetch me my coffee!
Everyone
in the room laughs at Charlie as calls of coffee boy ring out
Charlie-
But I come up with some good ideas though
1st
man- Yeah like his Turn the knob baby for the door knob commercial! * Looks
at Charlie and sarcastically says * Boy that was pure genius there coffee boy!
Everyone
starts to laugh at him as he leaves the office, on his way out he grabs a
bottle of promotional Death Match Drink and stops in the doorway as everyone continues
to laugh. Then he turns around and
walks over and stands between the first and second men
Charlie-
Oh yeah, here is my parting thoughts
And he
takes a big swig of Death Match Drink and in a poof of smoke theres Styx
standing in the room
Styx
grabs the first man and swings him like a baseball bat at the second guy
sending him out the window, then throws the first after him...
Styx-
When you have a thirst for destruction, take a little DMD and the
moodwillchange!
Boss- I
love it! That was great!
Styx-
Im not done yet! Time for a little hostile takeover!
And he
grabs his boss up and turns him up side down and gives him the Walking through
the Valley of the Styx as the others start to cheer for him. Styx sits down and lights a cigar
Styx-
Note to all thirsts out there. Beat DMD if you can! Survive if DMD lets you!
And the
announcer takes over
Announcer
Dude- Death Match Drink! No thirst is
safe from the DMD! Available at all participating stores
MS- Okay Big
Sexy, it looks like we have one hell of a first match up here.
BSS- Yeah,
but what does the I Quit match actually mean?
MS- Well, we
had Mother Love catch up with Y2T as he was heading to his office. Lets roll the tape on that
Mother Love
(running to catch up to Y2T)- Y2T, Y2T!
Can we ask you some questions?
Y2T turns
around, says something to MysteryMan who nods and walks away
Y2T- Whats
up Mother?
Mother Love-
Not much Y2T, but we have some things we need to ask.
Y2T- Go for
it.
ML- Okay
well, is this some sort of vendetta against the nWd?
Arent you putting personal opinions of them influence booking them against
each other?
Y2T- You know
Mother, that is the best questions Ive heard in quite some time. The answer is yes, I am being influenced to
rid the Death Matches of that scourge known as the nWd. They are a plague, a disease if you will,
they have done the most god-awful things here, and I intend to make their lives
a living hell.
ML- Okay fair
enough, but what does the I Quit match mean?
Y2T- Well,
Peak_Man and Styx need to be brought down a level. Ya see they will battle in the ring until one of them says I
Quit.
ML- But what
if one of them kills the other.
Y2T (Shrugs)-
Oh well, tough luck for the one that dies.
I will accept that as an I Quit.
Ya see I want them to either kill each other, or at least one of them
being forced to say I Quit, then I have won, its a no lose scenario for me,
and for the death match fans who get to see a quality match up.
ML- Then what
about the Decapitation Match?
Y2T- Simple,
we are going to place 4 weapons in the ring, a chainsaw, a sickle, a Saber, and
a axe. The first person in that ring to
lose their head, loses, simple as that.
ML- Umm okay,
but you are going to have either Flutie or SM_007 killed because of it, isnt
that an abuse of your power?
Y2T- No, the
way I see it, I will rid the Death Matches of one of those cancers that are
killin
Suddenly
SM_007 approaches and grabs Mothers mic
SM_007-
Listen up jabronie. You think we are
going to fight, you are dead wrong!
Y2T- Well if
you dont want to fight, then you all can pack your bags and leave, and if you
try to throw the fight, well you and Flutie cant, but if Styx and Peak_Man do,
then you are all fired, understand.
SM_007- I
understand, I understand that things may explode sooner or later for you
Jabronie. Just like they exploded last
New Years Eve!
And SM_007
throws the mic back at Mother Love as Mother Love and Y2T exchange confused
looks
The cameras
switch back to Master Sidious and Big Sexy Stefan
MS- Oh my,
well it seems Y2T has some plans for the nWd,
hey Big Sexy?
BSS- Well I
dont like it Sidious, its so unsexy what Y2T is doing.
MS- I dont
think it is BS, you of all people should now that the nWd
is a disease on us all, and that Y2T is doing something about it. Its about time that someone stood up
against them.
BSS- Well I
dont disagree with you on the fact that they are bad Sidious, I just dont
think that Y2T should be using his power for that. Heck he should use his power to get chicks. Heh, heh thats what Id be using them
for. He could call them Sexual Powers
yeah baby.
MS- Heh, heh
I know you would Big Sexy, but we do have some fights we need to cover though.
BSS- Heck
yeah, and while I may disagree how these fights were booked, no one can ignore
the fact that these fights have got me a little excited.
MS-
Absolutely Big Sexy, these fights are going to change the face of the Death
Matches, I can feel that.
BSS- Huh,
what? You are feeling who? I want a feel! * As Big Sexy reaches his
hand over *
MS (Slapping
Big Sexys hand away)- Stop it Big Sexy, you cant have my bud light.
BSS- Aww come
on, I want the bud light though. You
just are jealous that I figured out that 007 thing before you did.
MS- I dont
think so Big Sexy, and besides, you have that snotty lady to buy you plenty of
Bud Light, heh heh.
BSS- For the
last time Sidious I did not have sexual relations with that snotty lady.
MS- Sure BS,
okay lets take a look at tonights first match-up. Lets cover Peak_Man first Big Sexy.
BSS- Okay,
well Sidious, Peak_Man has been a mainstay here on the Friday Night War Room
Death Match since his return last November.
If everyone remembers, Death~Lizard the evil scientist from Infoceptor
grew a new Peak_Man in a petry dish and released him on us at the fatal four
way. Peak_Man had an ally in Flutie
from that match and we saw the birth of the nWd. Now while Peak_Man is big and all, he does
have a disadvantage in the brains department.
It has been known that Peak_Man is well, a few cans short of a
six-pack. But that wont stop him from
beating people up. With his finisher
Peaks Delight can really make your bad day, worse.
MS- Excellent
Big Sexy, I think..Yes, we do have the stats for Peak_Man. Okay fight fans here is the Tale of the Tape
for Peak_Man
Tale of the
Tape---------------------------Peak_Man
Height--------------------------73
Weight-------------------------380
Reach--------------------------44
Arms---------------------------28
Forearms----------------------15
Fist-----------------------------13
Extended Tale
of the Tape--------------Peak_Man
Strength----------------------10
Speed-------------------------3
Endurance--------------------7
Stamina-----------------------5
Vision--------------------------4
Ability to
strike opponents-------------56%
Ability to
defend strikes----------------34%
Ability to
perform power moves------98%
Ability to
absorb power moves--------86%
MS- I tell
you Big Sexy, Peak_Man is one of the biggest and toughest competitors to bring
down!
BSS- I of
course am the easiest to bring down, especially when the ladies come around.
MS- I wont
dispute that, so lets take a look at his competitor is.
BSS- Okay,
well ironically, Styx was brought into the Death Matches by non-other than
Y2T! It is the fact that now he is nWd and Y2T will stop at nothing to bring him
down. Styx is also, like Peak_Man,
extremely large! The first real time we
seen this fighter compete was when he saved Y2T from the man known as
Dorg. How the world turns as now these
two are on opposite sides. It is no
doubt that Styx is probably the one that killed Deathwish and British, and with
his finisher in Walking through the valley of the Styx will make Peak_Man
wish he didnt have to meet him in the ring!
MS- Okay BS,
well, lets take a look at the Tale of the Tape for Styx!
Tale of the
Tape-----------------------------------Styx
Height----------------------------------6
9
Weight---------------------------------335
Reach-----------------------------------42
Arms------------------------------------25
Forearms-------------------------------14
Fist--------------------------------------11
Extended
Tale of the Tape----------------------Styx
Strength-------------------------------9
Speed----------------------------------6
Endurance-----------------------------6
Stamina--------------------------------5
Vision----------------------------------5
Ability to
strike opponents-----------------65%
Ability to
defend strikes--------------------44%
Ability to
perform power moves----------89%
Ability to
absorb power moves------------86%
MS-
Well it appears that Peak_Man has the advantage in pulling off power moves, but
it is only a slight advantage.
BSS-
Yep, and Styx has the big advantage in speed over Peak_Man. Some say Peak_Man and Styx are arguably the
best big men in the sport.
MS-
Well I wont disagree with either of them, heh, heh, I like my head attached to
my body.
BSS-
As do I Sidious. I do have some
concerns though with this fight Sidious.
MS-
Whats that Big Sexy?
BSS-
Well it seems to me, that Y2T booked this match because he knows that neither
man will say I Quit. It seems to me
that he hopes that one of them will kill the other, and maybe the other one
will be injured.
MS-
Well I have no problems with that, they are nWd,
and I hope they get whats coming to them.
BSS-
This is so unsexy though Sidious. I
mean the fight is good, these two guys are great competitors, but still, it
doesnt sit well with me.
MS
(With his finger to his ear)- Okay, well, we need to get to the back Big Sexy,
it seems DebtAngel has finally cornered Y2T, and our cameras are there now!
The
cameras switch to the back to find DebtAngel and Y2T in a heated discussion
DebtAngel-
You know that you owe me the money that Sid6.9 promised me, well the debt is
way over due, and I want it now!
Y2T-
Woo there big man, I know you want your money, but with the renovations that
were done
DebtAngel-
Renovations? I do not remember
authorizing renovations. The Lord of
Debtness did not receive any notification of this.
Y2T-
Oh, really, Sid6.9 said you knew about it.
Im sorry DebtAngel, it looks like we have both been duped.
DebtAngel
(Eyeing Y2T suspiciously)- I dont think Sid6.9 had anything to do with that
Tridus, and I dont think you are being on the level with me.
Y2T-
So what, are you calling the most exciting man in the Death Matches a
liar? Really DebtAngel you need to get
over your paranoia. Its a conspiracy I
tell you, (Looks around) people are talking.
DebtAngel
(Looks around)- People? What
people? The Lord of Debtness knows of
no people talking about him. And if
they are, he will own their souls.
Y2T-
Really? You should look around some
more. They are saying things, things
like that you dont really have any powers and such, and that you are a, well I
dont understand this, but a Tree Frog!
DebtAngel
(Eyes go wide)- Tree Frog! How dare they insult the Lord of Debtness with that
I am a tree frog! I shall find these
people and show them the power of the Debtness.
Y2T-
Yes, yes, go, go, get those Tree Frog shouting people. Go show your, what was it again? Debtness?
DebtAngel-
Yes, debtness. And thank you Tridus for
telling me about it, I will overlook this weeks payment.
Y2T
(As DebtAngel leaves)- Great, thanks, and dont worry, I will have the payment
next week.
MysteryMan
who was standing by hears what Tridus said
MysteryMan-
Umm, Tridus? What were you talking about? Tree Frog?
Y2T-
Beats the hell out of me.
MysteryMan-
Umm, but wont he figure that out and come back pissed at you?
Y2T-
Ehh, probably, but I will just tell him something else, he may have the brawn,
but like mobsters, he has no brains.
Come on, we got some matches to watch
And
MysteryMan and Y2T walk away just as the cameras go back to Master Sidious and
Big Sexy
MS-
Wow, seems Y2T has the same problems with DebtAngel that Sid6.9 had.
BSS-
Who cares, did you hear Tridus, the Tree Frogs are coming! I hate frogs, they jump around all over the
place, they give you warts, and the have them buggy eyes * As Big Sexy pulls
his eyes wide open with his fingers and looks around *
MS-
Oh come on Big Sexy, there is no Tree Frogs coming, he only said that to
DebtAngel to get him off his back.
BSS-
No way, bug eyes Sidious, bug eyes! * As he looks at Sidious with his eyes wide
open with his fingers looking at Sidious *
MS-
Heh, heh okay Big Sexy, the Tree Frogs are coming, but hey, they are like you
in one aspect. They like to jump up and
down all the time.
BSS
(Thinks for a second)- Oh yeah, they do, dont they? Oh I guess it isnt so bad then.
Hmmm, I wonder when they will get here?
MS-
I dont know Big Sexy, but I do know who is coming now, its Peak_Man!
Peak_Man
makes his way out to the ring to the theme music of The Teletubbies
BSS-
Hey I hear that Peak_Man loves that show!
Po is really kicking! I bet he
could kick the asses of the other 3 easy!
MS-
Heh, heh no way, that purple one with the antenna on his head could rock Pos
world.
BSS-
Yeah right Sidious. Well I hear though
that Peak_Man really enjoys when the baby sun comes on the screen.
MS-
Yep, I heard that too. Hey it looks
like Shockwave is back where he belongs.
BSS-
What he wasnt there last week?
MS-
No, he was taking your place, while SubLevel-27 took his place in the ring.
BSS-
Was he sexy?
MS-
Of course, Shockwave almost gets as many women as you do.
BSS-
Damn him! I was wondering where the
ladies were this week.
MS-
Uhh, well they probably couldnt find you considering you were with the snotty
lady all week.
BSS-
Dang it Sidious, not her again, I did not have anything to do with her, but a
good ass whooping last week.
MS-
Oh Im sure you were whipping that ass Big Sexy, heh, heh, heh.
But
before Big Sexy can respond, the music of P.O.Ds South Town begins to blare
from the house speakers as Styx walks through the entrance way
MS-
Wow Styx really looks pumped up for this fight.
BSS-
Heh, heh yeah. And Peak_Man looks like
he doesnt know he is fighting. Look at
the goof, he is standing there smiling and waving at Styx. I dont think he realizes what is going on.
MS-
Heh, heh, nope he doesnt. Okay looks
like the pre-match festivities are about to get under way, theres announcer
dude. I understand that Announcer Dude
has quite the following going on. At
last check Big Sexy, he has almost topped you for most entertaining death match
personality.
BSS-
Ahh its a fluke Sidious, Announcer Dude will never be able to touch this! Cause Im just to damn sexy to stop baby,
yeah.
MS-
Yep, I suppose you are right, at least I know of one snotty lady that would
agree with you, heh, heh, heh.
BSS
(Giving Sidious the evil eye)- Okay smart-ass, knock off the snotty lady
innuendo jokes okay?
MS-
Okay Big Sexy, sorry, you know me, I just like to get to the Bottom of the
story, heh, heh.
BSS-
Umm, yeah I guess.
Meanwhile
in the ring, Announcer Dude takes the make and prepares to make the pre-fight
ring introductions
Announcer
Dude- Ladies and Gentleman! Welcome to
the wonderful and lavish DebtAngel Arena! * The fight fans cheer this * This
fight tonight is brought to in part by Weird Ass Sports in co-operation with
Tridus Inc. Also is sponsored by Miller
Lite Beer, great taste and yet, less filling! * The fans cheer and say a toast
to Announcer Dude * Okay Fight Fans, are you ready! * The fans cheer mildly * I
said Are..You..R-r-r-r-eeea-a-a-ad-d-d-d-dyyyy! * The fans give a resounding cheer showing their approval of
being ready * Well this fight is one of mammoth proportions as the immovable
object in Peak_Man, will be taking on the irresistible force in the man known
as Styx * The fans boo and throw litter as Styx chastises them and Peak_Man
catches a flying hot dog and eats it. *
MS-
Okay well it seems the fight fans are ready for these two guys to light it up
in the ring.
BSS-
Yep and I cant wait either, this is going to be cool!
MS-
Well it looks like Shockwave is giving the fighters their pre-fight introductions
Shockwave
(Motioning the fighters to come over)- Okay gentleman, I couldnt give you your
instructions in the back, so I will make this brief
Styx-
All the lunk head here needs to know is to say I Quit!
Peak_Man
(Giggling)- Peak is lunk, hee hee hee.
Styx-
Yeah dipshit and soon you will be saying, I Quit.
Peak_Man
(Putting his finger by his lip)- I will?
Peak no member saying that.
Shockwave-
Okay gentleman obey my
Styx-
Hey! The only thing that will be obeyed
is my foot up your ass if you get in my way there, Mr. Shockwave! All you need to do is listen for the words
I Quit and when he * Pointing at Peak_Man * says it!
Shockwave-
Okay, well I think that just about covers it.
Lets get it on!
MS- Okay
Fight Fans, theres the bell and this fight is underway!
In the ring
Peak_Man looks across the ring at Styx with a little uneasiness as he twiddles
his fingers. Styx starts to walk over
to Peak_Man putting one fist into the palm of his hand
Styx- All
right Dough-boy, you ready for a beating?!
Peak_Man
(Cocks his head to the side)- Yummy, dough. * And smiles as he licks his lips *
Styx- Yo man,
you are too stupid to even realize that you are about to get your ass kicked!
Peak_Man-
Peak no tupid, Peak is good!
Styx (Mocking
Peak_Man)- Peak no tupid, Peak is good? * End Sarcasm * Man you are so dumb
that when your mommy had you, the doctor slapped her.
Peak_Man
(Looking confused)- Peak no had no mommie.
Peak was in a dish.
Styx- Oh yeah
youre the petry boy.
Peak_Man
(Smiles)- Duh-huh, Peak a dish boy!
Styx- Man you
are too stupid to realize you are e(Thinks for a second) Ahh hell with it!
And Styx
hauls of smacking Peak_Man upside the head, Peak_Man thought doesnt move and
just stares at Styx
Peak_Man- Why
you hitted me? Peak and Styx friends.
Styx (As he
rears back)- Im not your friend dumbass, Im your nightmare!
And Styx
slams Peak_Man square in the nose sending blood shooting out. Peak_Man grabs his nose in pain as tears
flow from his eyes. Styx levels another
shot, this time to Peak_Mans solar plexus as Peak_Man cringes in pain
MS- Oh man,
what a start, Styx is really giving him the what for!
BSS- Ill
say! Man that punch would have taken a
normal mans head off!
MS- Yep, but
not Peak_Man.
BSS- Nope,
hes a freak, a nasty Super-Freak I will say that!
Meanwhile
back in the ring Styx hauls off a few punches into Peak_Mans gut as Peak tries
to recover. Styx grabs Peak by the hair
and slams a fist into Peaks throat.
Peak_Man though is unfazed at that and just looks at Styx with red in
his eyes
Styx- Oh
dear.
Peak_Man
(Screams)- Buhaaaaaaaaaa!
And Peak_Man
quickly scopes up Styx into his arms and runs straight across the ring and into
the corner turnbuckle. Styx hits the
turnbuckle at full force, forcing the breath out of his lungs as Peak_Man lets
him go.
MS- Oh man,
that really pissed off Peak!
BSS- You
arent kidding, and man what a blow that Styx took there! Oh man, hes back up!
MS- Yep, like
I said, both these guys can take some punishment!
Styx rears
back and with all his might throws a punch that connects with Peak_Mans
chin. Peaks head swivels around in a
violent and quick jerk. But he snaps
his neck right back and stares at Styx with a bloody smile on his face
Styx- Oh
shit, umm, heh, heh, umm, Peak, I was just kidding and all, I didnt mean to
hit you.
Peak_Man
(Matter of factly)- Peak dont care!
You go smash now!
And with that
Peak lets out a roar and rears back with a downward swing. Styx though quickly moves down and darts
between Peak_Mans legs. Peak_Man looks
down and between his legs as Styx crawls under him. Styx delivers a foot to Peak_Mans face as he looks at him
through his own legs
MS- Oh man,
Peak sure had control of Styx, but now he lost it, Styx is free.
BSS- Yep, but
I think Styx will regret kicking Peak in the face like that, look hes right
back on the hunt for Styx.
Styx holds
his hands up as Peak_Man stalks after him.
Styx (In a
calming voice)- Okay big man, I was wrong okay. * Continuing to backpedal * Come
on dude, I know we are friends, come on.
Trust me on this one. I like you
really.
Peak_Man
though doesnt hear him through his rage as he continues to walk towards
him. Styx meanwhile has backed up
against the ropes as Peak grins and reaches out at him
Styx-
(Thinking fast)- Hmmm, hmmm, hmm, hm, hmmmmm, hmmm, hmm, hm!
Peak_Man
stops as he is about to grab Styx again
BSS- What the
hell? What is Peak_Man waiting for? He
has Styx right where he wants him.
MS- I dont
know.
BSS- Okay
thats it, why in the fuck is Peak_Man dancing?!?
MS (shrugs)-
I dont know, and watch the language Big Sexy, there are families watching us
right now.
BSS- Fuck
that Sidious, this is a fight, what the fuck is he dancing for. Oh god, no!
Now he is clapping and smiling!
MS (Getting
on his radio to Shockwave)- Hey Wave what is Styx doing.
SW- He is
humming the Teletubbies song and Peak_Man is enjoying it, I would normally say
that it isnt allowed but, well, you know, I dont enjoy things in my ass.
MS- Heh, heh,
I can understand that Wave.
But then
suddenly in the ring as Styx hums the Teletubbies song, and Peak_Man dances
around with glee. Peak_Man while his back is turned has his arm grabbed by Styx
who uses his one foot to trip Peak_Man down to the mat. Styx grabs Peak_Mans are into an armbar and
with his weight on Peaks back, begins to wrench on it.
MS- Oh wow,
what a move from Styx, he used Peaks affection for those alien looking
Teletubbies and turned it into an Armbar from Hell!
BSS- Heh, heh
yeah, now will Peak say I Quit though, I dont think he has ever said those
words before.
MS- Well he
better, or Styx will rip his arm off!
Meanwhile
back in the ring, Styx continues to apply pressure on Peaks arm, as Peak tries
to squirm, unsuccessfully, free.
Styx- Say it
doughboy, say it!
Peak_Man-
Ouchie, ouchie, stop it, it hurting Peak!
Styx- Then
say it and we can stop this. We gave
what Tridus needed and there is no reason to continue it, unless you want me to
rip your fat arm off!
Peak_Man-
Peak no like anymore, this no fun!
Styx- Then
say it!
Peak_Man- It!
Styx- No say
you dont want to go on!
Peak_Man-
Peak no want to go on!
Styx looks at
Shockwave who shakes his head no
Styx(Irritated)-
Damn it dumbass, you need to say those words I said earlier.
Peak_Man- It,
it, it! Ouchie, it turts! Stop turting
me!
Styx(Getting
red-faced)- Then say it.
Peak_Man- I
no understand, what do I say?
Styx(Highly
irritated)- Damn it, say I Quit, I Quit, I Quit!
Shockwave
motions for the bell to ring and the fight comes to an end, much to Styxs
surprise
MS- The
fights over? What the hell, did Peak
say it?
BSS- I dont
think so Sidious, Styx did though.
Styx gets up
and confronts Shockwave
Styx- What
the hell! He didnt say the words.
Shockwave
(Apprehensively)- I know, but Y2T said the first person to utter the words was
the loser. And well you
But Styx in a
blind rage grabs hold of Shockwave and with a quick move flips him up and over
his back and down to the mat. Meanwhile
Peak_Man is getting up smiling and pointing to his head as Styx looks at him
MS- Oh what
the hell Styx, what is your damn problem!
You did say the words first, damn you, what a poor loser!
BSS- Yeah,
umm, go down there and tell him that.
MS- Umm, no
thats okay, Im sure he had good reason to drive Shockwave into the mat like
that, no need for me to go down there.
But still damn you Styx!
BSS- What Im
surprised about Sidious, is Peak_Man, he actually fooled Styx into saying, I
Quit, and I cant believe he did!
Meanwhile in
the ring Peak_Man is celebrating
Peak_Man- I
am the smarts! I am the smarts! I beat the smart guy, hee hee hee hee!
Styx (Walks
over to Peak_Man)- Okay you got me big man, put it here. * As he extends his
hand *
Peak_Man
holds his arms up to his chest as he looks at Styx in wonderment as he holds
his hand out. Peak_Man grabs his hand,
and in a swift move, Styx gives Peak_Man the same move he gave Shockwave,
making Peak_Man hit his head on the mat...
MS- Oh damn
you Styx, you are such a poor sport!
Damn it, damn it, damn it!
BSS- Jeez
Sidious, I didnt know you liked Peak_Man?
MS- I dont,
I just wanted an excuse to say damn it three times in a row, its in my
contract to do that once a show you know.
BSS- Oh,
okay, heh, heh, well Damn it! Hey,
that felt kinda sexy! Damn it hee,
hee, hee, hee!
MS- Okay
enough Big Sexy, thats my phrase there.
BSS- Oh,
sorry Sidious, just thought you would like to share.
MS- Well not
withstanding your winner of that match up was Peak_Man, although Styx did a
Styx-plex on both Shockwave and Peak_Man after the bout. It seems there is a little dissention there
hey Sexy?
BSS-
Oh yeah, Id agree with that, I dont think Peak will be happy when he gets to
the back. In face I wouldnt be surprised
to see them continue this fight back there.
MS-
Well our cameras are there if any thing should happen. Okay fight fans the first fight is out of
the way, lets cover our next match-up Big Sexy.
BSS-
Okay well, per Y2T, this match is dubbed a Decapitation Match in which the
first person in that ring to have their head lopped off, is the loser. And that makes sense, since he will be
dead. But, Y2T, will place 4 weapons in
each corner that either Flutie or SM_007 can use. Those weapons are a axe, chainsaw, saber, and a sickle. Doesnt death use a sickle Sidious?
MS-
Umm, yes, yes he does.
BSS-
Okay I thought so, I wonder who death will be smiling on tonight. Anyway the first competitor in the match is
SM_007. Now 007 is one cocky man, and his
ego is large. He is the first ever
competitor in the death matches when he went under the name of Edge. And he has
been there ever since, until the season finale when we all thought he was
killed, but to re-surface last week, I guess, as the man behind the Amazing
Zero. He is a highly skilled fighter
that is hard to surpass by anyone. His
finishing move in the Anus Pull From Hell really wont help him in this type
of match as he needs to lop of his opponents head. But I think he can still use the move though to set-up to chop,
chop.
MS-
Okay excellent analysis of SM_007 there Big Sexy, lets look at the Tale of the
Tape for SM_007!
Tale
of the Tape-------------------------------SM_007
Height------------------------------- 6 3
Weight------------------------------ 235
Reach------------------------------- 33
Arms-------------------------------- 19
Forearms--------------------------- 11
Fist---------------------------------- 10
Extended
Tale of the Tape------------------SM_007
Strength--------------------------- 7
Speed------------------------------ 6
Endurance------------------------- 8
Stamina---------------------------- 5
Vision------------------------------ 6
Ability to
Strike Opponents------------ 76%
Ability to Defend
Strikes--------------- 60%
Ability to
Perform Power Moves------ 73%
Ability to
Absorb Power Moves------- 52%
BSS-
Wow Sidious, I think SM_007 is about the most roundabout athlete in the Death
Matches. I dont see any real
weaknesses for him.
MS-
Well he is probably the most wide ranged athlete, but he does have problems
with being able to continue to dish out punishment as his Stamina would leave
me to believe. Well lets cover his
opponent.
BSS-
Okay well Flutie has also been a mainstay here on the death matches. When we first saw him, he was battling the
man we just saw earlier tonight in Peak_Man.
What we didnt know was that this two were in cahoots with each other as
they joined forces in that match to get rid of their three competitors, and
thus forming the group we know today, the nWd. Flutie is a mean competitor and while he is
shorter than other superstars, still has what it takes to bring it on. His finishing move in Grandmas Ride On
Space Mountain is also not going to help him with the stips in this
match. But it could assist with helping
him with stopping the man known as 007.
MS-
Okay, lets take a look at the stats for Flutie.
Tale
of the Tape----------------------------Flutie
Height--------------------------- 510
Weight-------------------------- 200
Reach--------------------------- 32
Arms---------------------------- 18
Forearms----------------------- 10
Fist------------------------------ 8
Extended Tale
of the Tape---------------Flutie
Strength------------------------ 6
Speed--------------------------- 8
Endurance--------------------- 6
Stamina------------------------ 6
Vision--------------------------- 4
Ability to Strike
Opponents-------------- 65%
Ability to Defend Strikes----------------- 74%
Ability to Perform Power
Moves-------- 59%
Ability to Absorb Power
Moves--------- 48%
BSS- Sidious,
Flutie sounds just as good as SM_007!
My god this match is going to be awesome!
MS- Yep,
Flutie has the speed advantage over 007, but Flutie does have problems with
seeing things coming. His vision for
better lack of words is well.Mr. Magoo like.
BSS- Heh, heh
Mr. Magoo! He could never see
anything. Heck he probably had sex with
a many ugly women because he couldnt see them.
MS- You mean
like you last week? Heh, heh.
BSS (Looks at
Sidious very pissed like)- All right Sidious, Ive had it up to here with you
insinuations that I has sex with that woman!
Did you see us having sex?
MS (Thinks)-
Well no.
BSS- Didnt
she want to cut off my Pepe?
MS- Well yeah
she did, but
BSS- Yeah,
but she got beat up, I mean I think I have covered it pretty well about what
went on back there, and you have no proof that I had sex with her do you? You just have hearsay and conjecture dont
you?
MS (Looks
down and away from Big Sexy)- Well yeah, I guess we dont.
BSS- Then
what do you have to say for yourself?
MS- I guess I
have to
Suddenly
there is a voice from behind them
Snotty voice-
Bigggggg Ssseexxxxyyyyy!
Master
Sidious and Big Sexy turn around to see the snotty lady in a sexy neglige
BSS
(Screams)- Ahhhh shes back!
But the
snotty lady climbs the steps looking at Big Sexy, well, sexually
Snooty Lady
(As she approaches Big Sexy)- Darling, Ive been waiting for you.
BSS
(Nervously)- Umm, heh, heh umm, go get out of here! You cant have my Love Machine damn it. (Puts his hand over his
headset while Sidious places a mic behind him) What are you doing out here
snugglebum? I told you I would be back
there after the show.
The lady
grabs Big Sexy by the head and whispers in his ear as the house mic catches
what she says
Snotty Lady
(Over the house speakers)- I have no panties on!
BSS
(Realizing that went out over the air)- * Screams * Ahhh!
And Big Sexy
quickly ushers off the snotty lady. He
comes back as Sidious is sitting with his head on his hand smiling at Big Sexy
MS- Well
BSS (Places a
hand up)- Uh-uh, dont say it.
MS- Its ama
BSS- No,
dont do it Sidious
MS (Places a
hand to his ear)- Umm, okay well
BSS- No
Sidious, I dont want to hear it!
MS- No I need
to
BSS- All
right Sidious you win! I boned her
okay! Yes, I took the log to the
beaver! Old one eye went to see the
Optometrist! I took the skin boat to
tuna town! I did her! I did her okay Sidious, so you can stop it
now!
MS- Umm,
okay, well I was just going to say, there is something going on in the back,
and we are going to go there.
BSS (Looking
embarrassed)- Oh, heh, heh, well, umm, uhh lets go to that now.
MS- Yes,
lets.
The camera
switches to the back to find Styx tossing around boxes and kicking the wall as
SM_007 stands nearby. Flutie and
Peak_Man, with Peak_Man holding his head, come walking towards them
Flutie
(Yelling as he approaches)- What the fuck is your problem numbnuts!
Styx stands
and turns towards Flutie
Styx- You
better watch your language, or youll be watching me kick your ass!
Flutie
(Pissed off)- Damn you, you got beat fair and square by Peak, and you act like
a fucking jerk!
Styx- Fuck
off, that big ass goof had his ass beat!
He just didnt follow the program.
He was supposed to say, I Quit!
Peak_Man
(Holding his stomach)- Peak don feel so good flute.
Flutie (To
Peak_Man)- Its okay big guy, go into the dressing room.
Peak_Man
walks into the dressing room as Flutie turns to SM_007
Flutie- I
hold you responsible for his actions!
He wasnt supposed to do that!
Keep the freak here on a short leash, remember, thats what you promised
me!
SM_007- You
dare to speak to the Great One it that tone?!?
Your little roody-poo candy ass should be worrying about when 007 gets
in the ring with you tonight. I intend
to take that axe, shine it up real good * Starts moving his fingers in a circle
* Yep Im gonna take it and shine it up real nice so you can see your face in
it. Then Im gonna take that axe, while
the Great One holds it out in his hand, and hes gonna take that axe, turn it
sideways, and stick that sum a bitch and stick it straight up your candy ass!
Flutie
(Infuriated)- Tell ya what SM_007, you can be a cartoon character all your life
if you want to, but tonight, this isnt about nWd
business. (Moves up into his face) This
is personal bitch!
And Flutie
goes into his dressing room as SM_007 and Styx head to theirs. Suddenly a voice calls from down the hall
Voice- Mr.
007?
SM_007
(Looking down the hall at the figure standing at the end)- Yeah, what?
The lean
figure of a man starts to move down the hallway, he approaches rather quickly
and as he comes into the light, a very conservative black suit is being worn,
as well as wearing sunglasses
Man in suit
(Smiles as he gets to SM_007 as he sticks out his hand)- How very good it is to
meet you finally. You may remember me,
yes?
SM_007
(Ignoring his hand)- Oh yeah, you are that rowdy-poo janitor, what was your
name again?
Man in suit-
It is
SM_007- It
doesnt matter what your name is!
Man in suit
(Smile disappears as he removes his sunglasses)- There is no need to impress me
Mr. 007, I care not for your little games.
My name of course is rRaminrodt.
I am here because I think we can help each other out.
SM_007 (Looks
at Styx, Styx shrugs)- Okay go ahead, Im listening.
rRaminrodt-
You have a problem with a certain man known as Mr. T.
SM_007
(Laughs)- Mr. T? 007 doesnt give a
rats ass for some rowdy-poo A-Team Jabronie that went off the air 15 years
ago. The Great One doesnt have any
proble
rRaminrodt-
No Mr. 007, I mean the gentleman known as Y2T.
SM_007- Oh
him, well the Great One can take care of him just fine, 007 doesnt need y
rRaminrodt-
Oh yes you do Mr. 007, you know it, and I know it. I can help you to get rid of him.
SM_007
(Thinks)- Well I guess a little help would make it quicker.
rRaminrodt-
You are wise beyond your years Mr. 007, I can see you are the man I have been
looking for.
SM_007- Yeah
whatever Jabronie, just get to what you want?
rRaminrodt-
Ah I like a man that gets straight to the point. Well I need someone removed.
This man * As he holds up a picture * do you think you can eliminate
him?
SM_007- Yeah,
but why?
rRaminrodt- I
have my reasons Mr. 007, just remove him, and I will help you remove your
threat. Is it a deal?
SM_007 nods
in agreement, and rRaminrodt puts back on his shades and starts to walk away
while burning the picture and dropping it to the floor
SM_007
(Looking at Styx)- Styx, we are about to get hotter.
Styx smiles
and nods in agreement as SM_007 starts to head down the hall and to the arena
The cameras
switch back to Sidious and Big Sexy
MS- What the
hell was that all about?
BSS- I dont
know Sidious, but Im a little worried.
MS- Oh I
dont think that strange agent man wants to kill you.
BSS- No, that
snotty lady just sent me a message, she missed her period!
MS- Oh, uhh,
well uhh, huh, huh, uhhh, oh look here comes SM_007!
And with that Bawitdaba begins to crank out from the house speakers as SM_007 makes his way out to the ring. Meanwhile death match workers are finishing placing the objects Y2T talked about in each corner of the ring. Shockwave checks on all the weapons as SM_007 climbs into the ring
MS- All
right, well SM_007 is in the ring, we are just waiting on Flutie to make his
entrance as well. Big Sexy, how do you
see that fight going down?
BSS- Well, I
think Flutie has the heart to pull off the fight, but Im going to have to go
with skill on this on, and I think SM_007 will pull off the fight and take full
control of the nWd.
MS- True, but
I think with Fluties speed advantage will overcome what SM_007 brings to the
ring, and with him being out for the last 3 months, and Flutie being here the
whole time, I think Flutie can pull it off.
BSS- Well we
dont have long to wait cause here comes Flutie!
Flutie makes
his way out as the music of Korns Freak on a Leash
MS- Okay well
there they are, in the ring finally, and I think, well why isnt Announcer Dude
getting in the ring
Announcer
Dude stands outside of the ring as SM_007 smiles at him as he stands upon the
ring ropes smelling the air and looking back at him. Announcer Dude puts the mic down and walks away
MS- Umm,
okay, I think maybe Announcer Dude is a little nerved about SM_007. I guess we wont be having any pre-fight
announcements.
BSS- Cant
say I blame Dude. I mean with that
agent dude running around, I wouldnt get in there either.
MS- Yep, I
agree to that. Okay well Shockwave is
giving the fighters their pre-fight introductions. Man what a trooper Shockwave is, to get right back in there, even
though he was suplexed by Styx!
BSS- Oh yeah,
man he is a machine.
Shockwave
motions the fighters to approach
Shockwave-
Okay gentleman, this is a match of decapitation. This match is violent and
despicable and I cant be happier to be here. Okay obey my instructions at all
times. Any questions (SM_007 and Flutie
just stare at one another) Okay, lets get it on!
MS- All right
theres the bell! This fight is going
to rock!
BSS- Ill
say!
SM_007
immediately after the bell swings out at Flutie who ducks and drives a knee
into 007s gut. 007 swings around with
his fist striking Flutie on top of the head.
Flutie backs away holding his head as SM_007 smiles at him
SM_007- Dont
worry Jabronie, soon The Great One will relieve that headache permanently!
Flutie- I
dont see how punk, when I have this!
And Flutie
whips out the Saber from its resting-place and swings it at SM_007 who dodges
out of the way. Flutie lunges as SM_007
but misses as 007 turns and spins away punching Flutie in the back as he
passes. Flutie tries to rear around
with the Saber but misses again as SM_007 grabs the Sickle in the corner
MS- Oh my,
what a start to this match! Both
fighters going for the weapons right off!
Looks like they are trying to end it early!
BSS- Yep and
playing the part of Death is SM_007, and playing the role of MacBeth is Flutie!
MS- Heh, heh
nice references there Big Sexy.
Meanwhile in
the ring, SM_007 lunges at Flutie with the Sickle swiping it at his feet. Flutie leaps in the air narrowly avoiding
the blade as it sweeps below him.
Flutie tries to lunge at 007 again, but gets the Saber knocked away by
007 using the Sickle. The Saber clangs
to the ground as 007 kicks it out of the ring.
Flutie leaps in the air striking 007 in the face with his foot sending
007 back against the ropes.
MS- Uh-oh,
looks like Flutie has lost his Saber!
BSS- Yep, and
007 looks to be going for the kill now!
Oh man look at that!
And with that
007 swings the Sickle in Fluties direction catching him across the chest
opening up a wound. Flutie tries to
rear around 007, but he blocks his path and with an evil grin swipes the Sickle
once again at him. But Flutie closes
the distance to 007 in time just as the blade passes by his head, Flutie
charges in and grabs a hold of the Sickle and a tug of war ensues over it
MS- Flutie is
sure giving SM_007 the what for! Oh
wow, what an elbow!
Flutie places
a well-placed elbow shot to SM_007s eye, 007 backs off a few steps but doesnt
release his grip on the Sickle. Flutie
tries to once again hit another elbow shot, but 007 raises the Sickle and
blocks the shot with it, then using his foot, stomps on Fluties. Flutie in pain tries to jerk the Sickle
away, but 007 in a swift movement, and with one of Fluties feet off the mat
gets flipped over and thrown headfirst into the corner turnbuckle
BSS- Ooooooo,
that was one sexy move there from 00Death!
MS- Yeah but
look where he threw him!
And 007
starts to approach Flutie as he gets up and grabs the chainsaw. He spins around just as SM_007 flings the
Sickle in a downward motion at Flutie.
Flutie though jumps up on the turnbuckle and flips over 007 as he runs
into the turnbuckle due to missing Flutie.
Flutie hits the mat and immediately pulls on the start string of the
chainsaw. It sputters but doesnt
start, he tries it again just as SM_007 is getting up from the mat and spins
the Sickle back at Flutie. The swing
misses as Flutie backs up and starts to back pedal from 007 as he charges after
him swinging the Sickle repeatedly
SM_007- Looks
like you should have picked a better weapon candy-ass, cause The Great One is
about to own your Trailer Park Trash ass!
Flutie
meanwhile turns and runs as 007 screams for him to hold still. Suddenly on his last try just as 007 catches
up with him the chainsaw starts, Flutie spins around with the chainsaw and
catches the Sickle on its way down at the shaft cutting it in too. SM_007 looks at the wood in his hand
BSS-
Hey! 007 has got wood! Now thats sexy!
Flutie- Punk,
time for the Texas Chainsaw Massacre!
Flutie style!
SM_007
(Looking at the wood shaft of the Sickle)- Oh shit!
And SM_007
turns and runs away from Flutie as he revs the chainsaw above his head and
squeals at 007
Flutie- Oh
yeah, I love the chainsaw! Its a part
of me! And know Im going to make it a
part of you!
SM_007- Hey
Jabronie, stop that monkey crap, this isnt the way its supposed to happen!
Flutie
(Ignoring him)- Yee haw, come get some S and M boy!
MS- Oh my, it
seems 007 is in a spot of trouble down there.
BSS- Ill
say, hes got LeatherFlutie after him!
But just as
Flutie gets him trapped in the corner, the engine on the chainsaw stops. Flutie looks at it and frantically tries to
restart it
Flutie- Heh,
heh, umm, give me a second okay?
But 007
doesnt hear him as he leaps into the air and dropkicks Flutie to the mat. The chainsaw hits the mat and the chain
breaks off it. Flutie tries to get up
but 007 flips in the air landing a leg across Fluties chest!
MS- Oh my
god, it looks like they are down to fisticuffs now! I wonder how either of them will win.
BSS- Not too
soon Sidious, I see that the Axe is still in there!
MS- Good job
Big Sexy, I totally forgot about the axe!
Well the first one to get it, will probably be the victor!
Meanwhile in
the ring, 007 starts to make his way to the axe, but Flutie grabs a foot and
trips him up. Flutie while holding his
foot and avoiding his other one trying to kick him drops a leg across his
knee. The crowd cringes as 007 screams
out in pain
MS- Oh man,
that could have broke his leg!
BSS- Heh, heh
I guess you could say Flutie is breaking a leg in there Ha ha!
Back in the
ring Flutie gets to the Axe as SM_007 struggles to his feet. Flutie rears
around with the Axe and looks 007 dead in the eye.
Flutie- Mind
if I AXE you a question!
BSS- Hey,
with a dry wit like that Flutie could be a super-hero! I guess we can say the Axe man has Cometh!
SM_007
struggles to walk away from Flutie as he approaches. SM_007 hits his back against the corner turnbuckle as he looks at
Flutie
SM_007- Come
on you piece of monkey piss, you dont got what it takes to take out the Great
One!
Flutie- Well
here it comes, and after this, you will be know as the Great Two, one piece
over here, and one piece over there!
And Flutie
approaches raising the Axe. The fans
come to their feet as the anticipation of the swing. 007 hobbles on his good leg waiting for the inevitable.
MS- Here it
comes! Flutie has him right where he
wants him!
BSS- Yep,
looks like you were right Sidious, Flutie has this match in his hands!
And Flutie
swings the Axe, but 007 quickly ducks and rolls under the swing and comes up
with a foot to Fluties groin. Flutie
bends over in pain as 007 stands up on both feet, grabs each side of the Axe
handle and pulls it up into Fluties throat
SM_007-
Dumbass, The Great One was never hurt you stupid Jabronie.
And SM_007
kicks the back of Fluties knee forcing him to the mat. SM_007 looks at Flutie as he has the Axe in
his hands
MS- Oh my
god, 007 was playing possum, he was never hurt! My god, my god!
BSS- Hey,
thats what I was saying, SM_007 is the man!
And now he is the Axe Man!
SM_007- Well
007 says, All good things must come to an end!
And SM_007
raises the Axe over his head, then starts to bring it down, but quickly shifts
his weight and changes the direction of the Axe while spinning around catching
Shockwave clean across the throat
MS- My god,
my god! What the hell, oh dear god no!
BSS
(Wide-eyed)- What the?!?
Shockwave
holds his throat and gurgles as 007 eyes him
SM_007-
Nothing personal Wave, this is business!
And 007
swings the Axe again lopping Shockwaves head off completely as Sidious and Big
Sexy go ape shit. Flutie meanwhile
smiles and stands and grabs SM_007s arm and raises it
MS- They
killed Shockwave!
BSS- Those
bastards!
MS (Grabs a
house mic)- No, no this is not right!
You were supposed to kill each other!
What the hell is your problems!
Damn it, you are evil 007, and you are a piece of shit Flutie!
BSS (trying
to calm down Sidious)- Shh, Sidious, they may come up here next, what are you
crazy?
MS- I dont
give a damn Big Sexy! This is wrong,
this whole damn thing is wrong! They
are wrong! Damn wrong!
SM_007
(Grabbing a house mic as well)- Sidious, Know your role and shut your
mouth! 007 is the winner here, and
Flutie is as well! If you remember
correctly Jabronie, Y2T only said one of the people in the ring had to have
their head decapitated! He never said
who had to have their head decapitated!
So this piece of trash is dead, and we are the winners! If ya smell-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la what
007, (looks down, then to the right, and cocks the nWd
eyebrow) is cooking!
And SM_007
drops the mic as he and Flutie share a good laugh and depart the ring. The fans all sit in stunned silence, as does
Master Sidious and Big Sexy Stefan. In
the back, Tridus holds his head down and places his head in his hands, as he
realizes his mistake. MysteryMan
meanwhile is vomiting in a bucket.
rRaminrodt can be seen smiling by a monitor. And a pigeon flies off the roof of the Death Match Arena as the
screen fades to black