dDisclaimer: This is the Friday Night War Room Death Match. It is not a popularity contest. All participants are taken from the War Room over a flame war, disagreement, or pig butt nasty insult throwing. Even though the author may have an opinion about these flame wars, he will not let it be known through the stories. The story itself is fictional, but there may be words, phrases, or actions in the story that may offend readers. I will not be held responsible if you have a heart attack, have a seizure, or your if your head explodes. In short you have been warned. Also do not try any of these stunts at home, be it that they are made up by me. Anyways it is just a story…Enjoy!
“All right are we ready on the set?”
“Everything is set sir.”
“Excellent we go on air in…5…4…3…2…1…and cue the intro, cue the explosions!”
The screen comes to life as explosions take over the T.V screen.
“Okay and start the images”
Images of people flash over the screen in rapid succession, many bloody, beaten people slamming bodies around at an alarming rate.
“And put up the logo now!”
Suddenly the images are replaced with six letters…
“And separate the letters”
The letters slowly separate to reveal…
Death
Match
“Okay roll on camera 1, come on roll on camera 1”
Camera one comes to life as 13 scantily dressed women are in a pose in front of the massive DeathMatch-O-Vision…
“Okay and cue the music, and start the fog machines!”
Fog machines start to bellow smoke as the music of Lenny Kravits “Fly Away” begins to blare from the house speakers. The ladies begin to gyrate and move to the music. Shaking their hinnies into the air and stick their enormous breasts out. The music continues to blare as…
“Okay and cue camera 2”
The camera catches the images of 2 darkened men walking down a ramp and up some stairs, through the barely lit area you can see them climb through what appears to be ropes and disappear into the darkness.
“And cue the lights, and we are out of here boys!”
Finally the lights come on to reveal the new death match ring with 2 individuals standing by stools in the middle of it. The dancing girls are dancing around them, with one of the individuals being quite interested in the dancers. The other individual keeps a cocky, prideful look on his face, as if he doesn’t know the girls are even there. Slowly the girls make their departure as the first individual nudges the second and motions at one of the girls climbing out of the ring, the second individual ignores the first and as the music begins to die down, he brings a microphone up to his lips…
Second Man- Welcome home audience, as you all know by now, I am your master of the Death Match chat…I am Master Sidious! * Cheers are piped in to give effect for the viewing audience * And joining me as always is the “Freak that is no geek”, the “Force of Nature” and the man that gets “Jiggy Wit it” at every opportunity, he is Big Sexy Stefan! * Cheers can be heard loudly, even though the aren’t being piped in *
First Man- That’s right you all, I am Big Sexy Stefan and this (Pointing to his crotch) is the…
Suddenly before Big Sexy can finish, they can hear loud and clear in unison, a bunch of female voices scream…
“The Human Love Machine! Yeah Baby, give it to us Big Sexy Daddy”
BSS- Wow, cool, I didn’t know they had that piped in for me. How cool.
MS- Umm, they didn’t Big Sexy, I think it came from the television cameras. I think every girl in America and Canada just screamed it, and we heard it, that’s so weird.
BSS- No not really Sidious, all the ladies love me, and they especially love Big Sexy Daddies, one-eyed magic trouser snake, oh yeah baby, can you dig it!
MS- Okay enough Big Sexy, we have a show to do.
BSS- Okay Sidious, umm, but why isn’t there anyone here?
MS- Well the stadium isn’t complete, and anyway this isn’t a live fight night anyway.
BSS- But you said in the preview show that we were going to re-live some fights tonight.
MS- We are Big Sexy, we are. But first lets take this time to welcome to the death match team our lovely lady dancers from the Vixens Bar and Club. It is on Peaco and 1st Ave. for any of you gentleman out there that would like to see more of the lovely ladies.
BSS- Oh yeah, I know I did, and they sure did love me.
MS- Heh heh, I’m sure they do Big Sexy.
BSS- Hey Sidious, did you see the one girl? When she was climbing out of the ring, she had a wedgie, and you could see…
MS- Oh Big Sexy grow up, we have a show to do, and we can’t be talking about girls now.
BSS- Oh yeah sorry, * In a sarcastic tone * lets talk about big sweaty guys then.
MS- Oh come now Big Sexy, you know I love the ladies too, but we are talking about the death match, and more importantly good wholesome family entertainment violence!
BSS (Slaps his forehead)- Of course Sidious I didn’t even think about that.
MS- That’s okay, so folks, what a show do we have for you tonight, we are going to be seeing highlights from the first season matches, well actually due to time constraints we are only going to be showing 5 of the best matches from season 1. But we also will hear some commentary from some of the fighters themselves as they re-live those bouts. As a special added attraction, we are going to see our very own Big Sexy do a one on one interview with the one and only Y2T.
BSS- I did? When did this happen?
MS- 3 Weeks ago, you mean you don’t remember?
BSS- Uh, heh heh, umm yeah that’s right I did do that, I think anyways.
MS- Well lets get to the first review match-up, this was a battle we had in week 3 of the FNWRDM. It pitted Rotten168 with his tag partner Disgruntled Gamer. Their opponents were the duo of Ninja Electronica with none other than Deathwish DDW in the Death Matches first ever Fandamonium * Reverberates throughout the War Room *. We called this one the tag-team flame wars.
BSS- Umm shouldn’t we get out of the ring if they are going to fight again Sidious?
MS- Nope no need to, just keep your eye on the monitor there BS. Coincidentally fight fans, in the clip we are going to show you, Disgruntled Gamer was quite drunk in the fight, and well early on the team of DG and Rotten168 were not fairing to well…
BSS- Hey I remember when we did that one. Sub-Level 27 was here doing special commentary with us, ha ha he sure got the best of you Sidious, ha ha ha…
MS- Okay enough Big Sexy, lets take a look at the end of this classic match-up * As he waves his hand towards the monitors *
The monitor screams to life with carnage already ensuing…
VS.
NINJA
ELECTRONICA AND DEATHWISH DDW
IN
THE
FIRST
ANNUAL FANDAMONIUM
TAG-TEAM
FLAME WARS
DG gets up and into the ring at about the same time Ninja E comes too and is able to re-tag Deathwish into the match. Disgruntled Gamer although is nearly unable to keep his feet, wavering from side to side.
SL-27: Oh man, someone call Disgruntleds momma, cause he’s gonna be dead in I’d say ohh 30 seconds.
MS: Yep, he can hardly stand, let alone fight.
Deathwish makes his way over to DG with a smile on his face. He pushes DG against the ropes causing Disgruntled to lose his balance. Disgruntled finally gets back up.
BSS: Look at that, what a true drinker, he didn’t ever spill any of his drink.
Disgruntled tries to take a drink when Deathwish hits the cup spraying it all over Gamers face.
Deathwish: Ha ha ha, looks like Disgruntled is all washed up, ha ha ha. ROFLHAO.
Disgruntled looks at his empty cup and then wipes his face and stares right at Deathwish.
DG: Someone dial 911, cause someone’s been murdered.
Disgruntled then spears Deathwish right in the chest, and picks him up and crashes Deathwish’s back into his knee.
MS: (Slams fist on desk) Oh man the “Going Postal Knee Drop” Oh man, that was sweet.
SL-27: Yep it was, never mess with another mans cold alcoholic beverage.
About this time Ninja E rushes into the ring and clobbers Shockwave over the head, and runs straight at Disgruntled Gamer.
BSS: Oh what the hell, he just knocked out Shockwave on purpose.
SL-27: Hey, that’s why they call them the Dirtiest Players in the Game man.
Rotten168 seeing Ninja charge into the ring goes in as well, Ninja E not noticing Rotten gets picked up by him, and Rotten runs with him straight into the turnbuckle headfirst.
BSS: Rottenator, Rottenator, Rottenator, Oh man this fight is almost over, lets see if they can finish them off!
SL-27: Heh, I would have to say that was a pretty nice move by Rotten168.
Disgruntled walks over to where he left his fanny-pack and reaches into it for something.
MS: I wonder what he is looking for?
SL-27: Probably his Yukon Jack.
Disgruntled pulls out a pint size of 180 proof Bacardi Rum bottle. Opens it up, takes a big swig, and pours the rest on his arm.
SL-27: Oh for the ever loving mother of god, he’s wasting good alcohol.
Rotten168 meanwhile is on top of Deathwish hammering his head into the mat. Disgruntled seeing Ninja E trying to get to his feet, pulls out a match and lights his arm on fire.
MS: What the hell! He just lit his arm on fire!
SL-27: Like I said, that man is one crazy ass mofo!
BSS: Relax guys, I know what he’s doing.
Disgruntled puts his feet on the ring ropes and launches towards Ninja E, catching his forearm onto Ninjas neck, as well as catching Ninjas turban on fire.
BSS: Yes! The Flaming Flying Forearm! That was awesome baby! Well almost as awesome as my one-eyed trouser snake, but close.
MS: Oh man, with Rotten working on Deathwish, and Ninja now being on fire from the shoulders up, I’d say this fight is all but wrapped up.
SL-27: Ahhh you guys are counting your chickens before they hatch, look.
Disgruntled Gamer after putting his arm out sees a little man dressed in orange and red suspenders walking about 6 rows up.
DG: * Hick * There’s that little fucker! Get back here with my Vodka damn it, * hick * I’m thirsty!
DG leaves the ring and jumps over the guardrail and disappears into the audience.
MS: Oh man, where the heck is he going? He had the fight virtually wrapped up.
SL-27: Like I said, this fight is not over.
BSS: Not by a long shot, look Ninjas not on fire anymore, and Rotten doesn’t even notice that Disgruntled has fled again.
Ninja side stepping towards Rotten, and pulls off an awesome sidekick to his head. Rotten falls over, and tries to immediately get up but is kicked again to the mat. Rotten blocks the next kick and spins around swiping at Ninjas crotch area. Rips the cloth right off and Ninja takes a step back with his burnt eyes and mouth wide open.
MS: Oh man, “Spin Cycle Ball Riper”, that’s one if his finishers!
Back in the ring, Rotten168 stands up and smiles while holding the black garment in his clinched fist.
Rotten168: Ha, how you going to take me now, without your nut sack.
Ninja E just smiles at him, causing Rotten168 to become confused. Meanwhile Deathwish has came to and is on his hands and knees behind Rotten.
Ninja E: We Ninja know how to pull our Genitals up into our body.
Rotten168 loses his smile and opens his hand to reveal nothing but just a black cloth. And as he is looking at his hand, Ninja kicks him full in the chest, Rotten falls over Deathwish.
BSS: Uh oh, looks like Rottens in trouble.
Both Ninja E and Deathwish grab a leg and pick him up.
Deathwish: Hey Ninja, make a wish!
And both Ninja E and Deathwish pull in separate directions ripping apart rotten168 in two.
MS: Oh that’s it, fights over for Rotten, he is dead!
BSS: Yep and Shockwave has just came around.
Shockwave looks at Rotten168 lying on the ground, and with thinking the 2 pieces were both Disgruntled Gamer and Rotten168, he raises Deathwishs and Ninjas hands.
The screen darkens as we go back to the empty arena where Sidious and Big Sexy are enamored in conversation…
BSS- Yeah but where were they fighting at, and why was I there commentating? I don’t remember doing the fight again Sidious.
MS- No Big Sexy it was a replay.
BSS- Yeah, I know that, but how did we…
Master Sidious leans over and whispers in Big Sexys ear…
BSS- Oooohhhhhh, okay, so it’s like a re-run, like Gilligans Island right?
MS- Yep exactly Big Sexy.
BSS- Oh okay, boy did I love that show, and Mary-Anne was soooo hot!
MS- Okay Big Sexy, well that first bout we saw tonight was certainly awesome. What you didn’t see there though is that with the confusion that Shockwave had, he thought both pieces of Rotten168 was both him and the Disgruntled one, but as we were closing the show. Disgruntled Gamer made his way to our broadcast location and assaulted our first guest commentator, he is live from his home in Beaumont Texas. He is the original nightmare of the mat, he is Sub-Level 27- Keeper of the Seven Keys. * To the monitor * Welcome to the show again SL-27.
SL-27(From a comfy couch with a cold beer in hand)- Well you should be so lucky there Side Holius.
MS- It’s Sidious.
Sl-27- Sidious, Side Holius, Sick of this, or I’ll put a hole in the side of your headius. Just be glad I’m gracing you with my presence.
BSS- Heh heh heh, he’s got you again Sidious, ha ha, so SL do you still have your seven keys?
SL-27- Naw, I gave up that gimmick a long time ago, I’m now known as the
BSS- Really? What does that mean?
I could tell ya, but then I’d have to kill your lame ass, so shut up about the whys and whos and whoevers okay.
BSS (Holding up his hands)- No problem there SL. (Holds his hand to his mouth and whispers to Sidious) What an asshole.
SL-27- Hey you little freak, I heard that?
BSS- Umm, no, I said, umm, uhhh, hey look * Pointing towards the empty stands * Elvis just came in the building!
The cameras pans to where BS was pointing, and with not seeing “The King” swings back around to see BS running away.
MS- Umm, well, it seems Big Sexy needed a coffee break or something. Anyway Sub-level, what did you think about the fight you originally broadcasted with us?
SL-27- I thought it sucked. I mean I never seen 4 weaker fighters in my life. Although some of the moves they did were impressive, for their talents, none of them would have lasted 10 minutes in the ring with me.
MS- Well I know that Disgruntled Gamer got the best of you though, what were your thoughts about that?
SL-27- Hog wash! He did nothing but irritate me, I owned him the next match, and I did get my keys back too.
MS- Well that is true, but you can’t deny that Disgruntled Gamer wasn’t a competitor that pushed you to the limit?
SL-27- Yeah well he did put up a decent battle, one worthy of dying at my hands, but still I am the man, and there is no competitor out there that can take me.
MS- So is it safe to say that we will be seeing you on future programming?
SL-27- Damn right son, the sub-leveler is never done, and I intend on some people tasting their own shoes as well! The nightmare is returning folks, I can guarandamntee it.
MS- Well okay, thanks a lot for those words Sub-Level, and we look forward to seeing you in the ring again. Well folks here is some of the other fighters and their thoughts about the match we just saw…
Screen comes to life…
Flutie 3:16 (NWD)- Oh yeah, NWD in the house baby. You just saw my boy Deathwish DDW punk out that Rotten168. NWD by any means baby!
Wakky Akky- Yeah I seen that fight between them, and I have to say wow, what a battle. I really thought DG and Rotten were going to pull it off, but DG had other things on his mind, which cost his partner his life. Just goes to show kids, never give up on your friends, even if you think you have your enemies down.
Peak_Man (NWD)- Peak like food!
Deathwish DDW (NWD)- Just 4 words, I own you all!
MS- Well some candid comments from previous contestants there.
BSS (Peaking over the turnbuckle)- Psst, Sidious, is he gone?
MS- Yes he is gone Big Sexy, why did you leave? It wasn’t like he was here.
BSS- He scares me, I couldn’t be too sure about it.
MS- Well he isn’t here now, so lets move on to our number 4 on the greatest matches in the first season of Death Match. Big Sexy, set it up for us.
BSS- Okay well it was when we first met that Mysterious Cloaked Man during the Disgruntled Gamer vs. Sub-Level 27 match. He was threatening us on several occasions about bringing back someone. Well we didn’t know what he was talking about, so he kept bothering and pestering us until Sid6.9 finally oh wow look at that ass, it’s like an onion (Big Sexy stares as the 13 ladies are walking by ringside) it just makes you want to cry.
MS- Big Sexy, keep your attention on the match.
BSS (Shakes his head)- Sorry, anyways Sid6.9 set-up the match and were we surprised to find out who the Mysterious Cloaked Man was, non other than the mad scientist of Infoceptor in Death~Lizard. He also shocked us by brining back the dead, so we thought, in Peak_Man. Little did we know but this Peak_Man was a clone of the first. Anyways the match was set-up with the MCM’s creation, Peak_Man vs. Flutie 3:16, Winds of the Past, Acid~Angel, and E-MONEY. The fight was set-up, but the ending was a shocker as you will see…
VS.
FLUTIE
3:16, WINDS OF THE PAST, ACID~ANGEL,
AND
E-MONEY
IN
THE
COMING OF THE NWD
The screen comes to life with Peak_Man holding Flutie 3:16 and E-MONEY by the throats…
Peak_Man meanwhile in the ring picks up both E-MONEY and Flutie by the necks and start to bash there heads together. Acid~Angel meanwhile comes up from behind and sticks something into Peaks tights…
BSS- What the heck is Acid putting in his trousers!?!
MS- I don’t know but it looks like Peak Man is having a meeting of the minds, E-MONEY and Fluties minds!
Acid~Angel makes his way out of the ring bringing with him the cord from Peak Mans britches and plugs one end into an electrical outlet.
BSS- Oh yes, Acid is going electric baby!
Just as he plugs in the cord, Peak_Man, Flutie, and E-MONEY all get a great jolt of electricity! Acid unplugs the cord and climbs back into the ring.
Acid- (Raising his hands into the air) I am the champion! I killed them all, all hail me, I am the ruler of the world!
But not realizing that it was only a 9 volt outlet, Peak Man gets up and grabs Acid by the throat picks him up and slams him several time into the corner turnbuckle. Turning Acid over he begins to slam his head into the mat as well, and finally throws him across the ring smacking hard into the furthest turnbuckle.
BSS- Oooooo that was some serious punishment dished out there!
DL- Ahh yes it was * Ringing his hands together *!
MS- Oh man but Winds is still here, that thick head of his must have saved him from his aerial trip to the back of the Death Match stadium wall.
Winds of the Past climbs on one of the turnbuckles and with Bible in hand…
WotP- Yah as I walk through the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil!
And he launches off the turnbuckle delivering…
BSS- Wow, “Bible Thumper”, “Bible Thumper”!!
MS- Yep what a move from the top rope!
But Peak Man just turns around and looks at Winds…
WotP- (Starts running from Peak Man) Okay, okay, I fear the evil, I fear the evil, please, please don’t hurt me! I’m so fragile, please don’t hurt me!
Peak Man while chasing him doesn’t see E-MONEY get up and step in front of him. With 2 middle fingers up in the air Peak Man stops dead in his tracks and cocks his head sideways at E-MONEY…
MS- Yes, oh yes, “MIDDLE FINGER SYNDROME” and I don’t think Peak understands it!
DL-(To Master Sidious) Well of course he doesn’t, he’s only 15 days old you know! (To Peak Man) Get him, get him damn it! Don’t just stand there like a dolt! Get him!
But with the distraction by E-MONEY, Acid~Angel comes up from behind Peak Man and grabs a leg quickly, pulling on it, forcing the big mans weight to fall to the mat! Acid~Angel jumps into the air delivering a elbow to Peak Mans knee! He climbs up onto the top ring rope and jumps off delivering a knee to Peak Mans head!
MS- “Hackers Virus Bomb”, “Hackers Virus Bomb” Oh man I never thought I’d see this, but Peak Man is in serious trouble.
DL- No!! Oh god no! It can’t happen, he is supposed to win * Grabs his headset and rips it off, and starts to head towards the ring *!
MS- Well fight fans there goes Death~Lizard to try to help Peak Man! Heh, heh and they did it all themselves! Not even needing Flutie.
Meanwhile Flutie 3:16 is still trying to recover from the earlier head bashing he received. Winds of the Past reaches and grabs Peak Mans head and plants a kiss full on his lips…
WotP- (While grabbing the top of Peak mans head and with the other on his chin) And now I will cast ye out of paradise, and throw you down to where the serpent lays!
BSS- “Preachers Kiss of Death”, Umm but Sidious why did he just take off his pants!
MS- I don’t know, but it is pretty disgusting!
Meanwhile Acid~Angel continues his attack on Peak Mans back while Winds prepares to do something, well disturbing to say the least, while E-MONEY works on peaks knees. Death~Lizard hits the ringside area, looks at Peak Man then at Flutie 3:16, and nods at him. Flutie returns the nod.
BSS- Heh heh Peak_Man is dead again, heh heh, oh joy, we get to see him killed twice. Oh man what the hell!
Flutie 3:16 comes up from behind Winds and grabs his chin backwards, throwing him straight up into the air and slams down popping winds head back, and with the violent move came a loud * snap *. (The fans * Gasp * at seeing what Flutie had just did.)
BSS- He just, what the, he just put the “Just Plain Steve Baby” on Winds of the Past and broke his neck! What the hell Sidious, what’s going on!
MS- I don’t have any idea! Maybe Flutie thought Winds head was Peak Mans.
Acid~Angel seeing what Flutie did immediately jumps on him, slamming a fist twice into his head, but Flutie turns it around into a whip and runs towards the opposite ropes sending him off flying at Acid as he comes running back. And with grabbing Acid by the waist he flips him up and over slamming Acids back into one of his knees.
MS- Oh what the, oh god no, don’t tell me, no, no, no, damn it, no!
BSS- Yep, it appears that Flutie is one of Death~Lizards fighters! And with the “Flutie Bomb” it looks like Acid is in trouble!
MS- Oh why is he doing this! There is no reason for him too… Oh no don’t do it!
Flutie picks up (While the fans Boo Flutie) Acid and slams a fist down into his throat. Picks him up and starts to spin violent with Acids body swinging out in front of him, faster and faster he spins with him! Finally at the point of a blur he releases Acid~Angel sending him flying across the War Room Stadium into the brick wall.
BSS- Oh man, oh no, Acid~Angel has been eliminated by “Grandmas ride on Space Mountain”!
MS- This is just plain evil, what Flutie is doing is just plain wrong!
Death~Lizard meanwhile has crossed his arms and is smiling intently as Peak_Man picks up E-MONEY, and jumps into the air, crosses a leg over his neck, and the other under his neck, lands on the mat, and with a violent twist, breaks E-MONEYs neck!
MS- Oh what a travesty, what a double-cross, what the hell was that! Why is Flutie working for Death~Lizard? Damn it, this wasn’t supposed to happen!
Flutie 3:16 picks up the mic (Flutie is being booed by the fans as they throw trash into the ring)…
Flutie 3:16- (To the fans) Oh shut the hell up, cause you all can just “suck it”! It’s a whole New World Disorder baby! And you are looking at the bad asses * Pointing at Peak_Man and himself * of the ring! Come on in here my dark master and lay it down on ‘em! (Tosses the mic to Death~Lizard and steps back)
Death~Lizard- That’s right it’s the whole New World Disorder! We are here to take this show apart! Ha ha we will rule over everyone! These punk asses were only the start! I work for a higher power that wants to destroy you all! All hail the first 2 participants of this New Disorder! Flutie 3:16 and Peak_Man, will run through everyone! So just stay tuned, cause we are not done yet!
The camera switches yet again to back in the present…
MS- Well Big Sexy, what can you say to that? What a backstab on the part of Flutie 3:16. No one saw that one coming in a million years as we saw that damn Flutie turn on his partners…
BSS- Whoa there Sidious, look at who his partners where though. I mean Acid~Angel and E-MONEY weren’t exactly choir boys were they?
MS- No I suppose not, but still you are part of a team you should stay that…
BSS- Whoa again there Sidious, this is the death match, where anything can happen remember?
MS- True Big Sexy, I guess I’m just a old school kinda of death match fan, when you are on a team, you stay on that team. But you have a good point, but still why Flutie, why not Acid~Angel, or even E-MONEY? Either one of them woulda made just as much of an impact than Flutie.
BSS- I don’t think so Sidious. Take a look at Acid~Angel’s background. He has been known to turn on people on a whim, he doesn’t care about money he can make, he’s all about destruction. Where as Flutie cares more for money, as long as there is money to be made, Flutie would remain more of a team player than Acid, whereas you never know his motives.
MS- Okay, I guess I can see that, but what about E-MONEY? He is just about as mean as Flutie.
BSS- True, but I don’t think mean is all that they wanted. They, the NWD, wanted someone that could work the mic just as much as kick ass. E-MONEY while is good at insulting, can not play mind games, like Flutie can. Just look at what he did to Y2T over the season. I mean Y2T was wanting to tear apart Flutie at the end of the season. At first Flutie just did minor things to Y2T, then kept the ball rolling to the exciting finish. Ya see E-MONEY can only do in the short term that Flutie can do in the long run.
MS- Yeah but the NWD is all about money, quick and fast money, that’s what they been all about.
BSS- Well yes, but with E-MONEY and his mouth, they coulda been outta here faster than with Flutie. Ya see Flutie keeps the interest of fans, hence, making them buy more and more NWD merchandise. Whereas E-MONEY could only give a short boost, Flutie keeps the interest going, so in the long run they make even more money.
MS- Wow, Big Sexy, you sure do know the NWD.
BSS- Yep then classes in NWD economics really did pay off.
MS- Coincidentally fight fans, shortly after that bout, the fighters known as British and Deathwish DDW also joined up with the NWD the following show. Well fight fans we do have a treat for you in that Flutie 3:16 of the NWD is joining us right now, live from our death match studio in Seattle WA. Hey Flutie, welcome back to the death matches.
Flutie 3:16 (While holding a beer)- Shut the hell up son! I heard your comments about me earlier, and I have to say unless you like your head attached to your body, you better mind that what you say.
MS- It doesn’t matter Flutie, you are one son of a bitch, and my opinion will always stay that way.
F3:16 (Takes a drink of his beer)- * Burp * I really dislike where this is heading. You better just back the hell off me punk, or I’ll be taking a plane down there tonight and shove your head right where the sun don’t shine, you dumb bastard.
MS- Yeah whatever, so what about the match where you “Backstabbed” your partners?
F3:16- What the hell you mean backstab? And what is up with the quotes? Cut that crap out! Flutie don’t like quotes.
MS- Hey, get used to the so-called, quote, un-quote “Quotes” they are who I am.
F3:16- That’s it, this interview is over, and I’ll be seeing you real soon Sidious.
The screen goes to static and switches back to Sidious and Big Sexy…
BSS- Dude are you nuts?!? Flutie is going to come up here and kill you!
MS- I don’t really care about that damn Flutie, he won’t be a problem.
BSS- Won’t be a problem?!? Are you insane?!? Dude you have a family to think about.
MS- I’ll be all right, you’ll see Big Sexy.
BSS- Well okay, but if you get killed can I have your snake skin boots. They would make me even sexier, yeah baby, damn they are sexy.
MS (Ignoring Big Sexy)- Well lets hear some more insight into the match we saw from other fighters.
The screen pops to life with insight from other fighters…
British (NWD)- Eh, what’s up mates? Talk about my boys Flutie 3:16 and Peak_Man kick some lamers asses in a fabulous bout. Couldn’t say anything more than that. And any of you punk slags don’t like it, come on and get some of British baby, and I’ll lay a poundin’ on ya!
Death~Lizard (NWD)- * Insert your own Diabolical laugh here *
Styx- Grrrrrrrrr!
Peak_Man (NWD)- Uhhh, what, huh?
Y2T- You know what, that Flutie can just bite my * Beep *, he’s a * Beep *ing * Beep * * Beep *, and he is boring the * Beep * out of Y2T’s fans. And you never ever, and I mean e-e-e-e-e-e-ver bore Y2T’s fans. Come season 2, Flutie and me are going to light things up. As far as that last contest, Flutie just should be glad that I wasn’t in there like they originally wanted. Y2T would have taken the both of them, and slapped them silly. For I am the “Iotollah of Rock and Rolla”!
The cameras change back to Sidious and Big Sexy…
MS- Wow some pretty strong comments from the fighters.
BSS- I’ll say so, wow Y2T really had some strong comments there for Flutie. Heh heh I remember Y2T’s first fight. Man oh man was that one for the ages. You remember that one don’t you Sidious?
MS- Remember it? Of course I do, it was the birth of Y2T. And it is also out #3 fight on the hit list.
BSS- Cool, and for any of you out there that don’t know why this fight took place. It happened that a person by the name of H-H was going around spamming his 100 list changes in the war room. He was striking people at will with his 100 list Imbalance Silly Stick, when Tridus stepped up to stop him. But there was also another in Peak_Man that not only wanted H-H, but wanted Tridus as well. Setting up what is known as, “To Imbalance, or not to Imbalance”.
MS- Okay and without further ado, lets take a look at this outstanding match-up in H-H vs. Tridus vs. (The Original) Peak_Man.
And the monitors come to life…
3.
H-H VS. TRIDUS VS. (THE ORIGINAL) PEAK_MAN
IN
TO
IMBALANCE OR NOT TO IMBALANCE
MS: There's the bell, and this fight is underway.
Tridus looks over at Peak_Man and charges than dives at him.
BSS: Oh my god! Tridus just gave Peak_Man the trident spear!
MS: Yeah but it didn't even faze the big man!
Peak_Man just smiled at Tridus as he sat on the mat.
PM: Hey Tridus, ever reach for the stars when you were a kid.
Tridus: Umm yeah.
Peak_Man picks up Tridus turns him over so one hand has the scruff of his neck and the other on his belt.
Peak_Man: Then lets see if you can join them.
And Peak_Man kicks Tridus straight up into the air with a big boot.
MS: Oh man he just punted Tridus!
BSS: Yeah, and man what hang time, NFL scouts will want to get a hold of this guy.
MS: Well Tridus looks to be out of the match, it's now down between H-H and Peak_Man.
H-H (Looking up at the ring lights): Y is there 20 lights on one side, and only 15 on the other. Imbalance I tell U.
Peak_Man charges at H-H, but H-H moves out of the way just in time causing Peak_Man to meet the ring post one on one. Peak_Man falls back a little dazed and confused.
MS: Oh man he just hit that ring post really hard.
BSS: Yeah I feel sorry for that ring post, it couldn't avoid it.
H-H jumps up on Peak_Man and proceeds to stomp on him. Peak_Man with one swat sends H-H to the other side of the ring.
BSS: Man what a smack, looks like Peak_Man is going to smack his bitch up.
MS: Oh man look who is getting back into the ring!
Tridus, a little bloody from his introduction to the ceiling, crawls into the ring beneath Peak_Man. Before Peak_Man can notice him, Tridus delivers a "Trident Spear" from underneath to Peak_Mans Jimmy.
MS: Ouch, oh my god, 2 "Trident Spears" and this one paid off cause Peak is on the ground, and not a very pretty color either.
BSS: Yep, but after that you can't really blame him for being down, I mean his nut sack is now in his throat.
H-H pulls out his 100 list silly stick and heads straight at Tridus.
H-H: (In a very evil voice) Oh yes, by the means of my Imbalance, U shall meet your maker Tridus.
Swings the stick at Tridus who ducks and rolls, gets up and greets H-Hs buttocks with a foot.
Tridus: Ha, ha H-H, looks like I just kicked your ass.
H-H with a growl swipes his stick back at Tridus catching him in the chest, opening a 6-inch gash.
H-H: And with my stick I shall strike down on U with furious anger and impunity!
H-H swings his stick again, but Tridus gets tripped, and picked up by Peak_Man.
H-H: Ahhhh, uh-oh.
Peak_Man: (In his best Tony Montana from Scarface impression) Say hallo to my little friend.
And swings Tridus at H-H.
BSS: Wow, Peak_Mans got his own stick, the Tridus Stick of Devastation. I wonder if Shockwave is going to allow it.
Shockwave: You're damn right I'll allow it, this is damn funny.
Tridus: Hey cut it out jerkoff!
H-H swings back, but Peak_Man uses Tridus to block the blow.
Tridus: Ouch, god damn it, put me down you freaking freak of nature!
Peak_Man retaliates with a Tridus shot to H-Hs head.
Tridus: Ouch, all right the jokes over, put me down!
H-H falls to the mat and loses his stick. Peak_Man raises Tridus over his head to deliver the final blow.
Tridus: Oh I've had just about enough of this.
Tridus curls around Peak_Mans neck and applies the "Vipers Bite" on his neck. Peak_Man freezes in place with his mouth open.
MS: Oh man, Vipers bite, Vipers bite, Peak_Man is now in trouble.
BSS: Yep if it is applied to long, Peak_Man will lose all control over his body. I heard Tridus learned this move from Shaman Tabby-taba-tuku, while on a trip in Africa.
MS: Well he is using it very well now.
Peak_Man luckily was close enough to the ropes to smash Tridus's head into one of the ring posts. Tridus releases the hold and Peak_Man throws him by H-H.
Tridus and H-H get up and look at a smiling Peak_Man. Tridus whispers something into H-Hs ear.
MS: I wonder what Tridus is telling H-H.
BSS: (While H-H shakes his head) I don't know, but it looks like H-H is agreeing with him
Both H-H and Tridus circle around Peak_Man. Tridus charges into one of Peak_Mans knees with another "Trident Spear".
MS: Oh man, 3 spears.
H-H circles around and delivers a critical strike to the top of Peak_Mans head, Tridus gets up in front of Peak_Man and stands on his hands, spreads his legs into the splits, and starts spinning, catching Peak_Man in the head several times.
BSS: "Spinwheel of Death", they are double teaming Peak_Man.
MS: Yep it looks like they are joining up to take the big man out. Smart move on their part.
H-H after Tridus gets done, puts Peak_Mans head between his legs, picks him up and jumps into the air.
MS: "Terran Em Up Piledriver", I'd say this fight is definitely over for Peak_Man.
After H-H applies his finisher he starts to put the bad-mouth on Peak_Man.
H-H: You freaking idiot, we showed you, you big goof. We are partnering up, and took your sad, silly, big ass out!
Tridus from behind H-H, picks up H-Hs 100 list silly stick.
Tridus: (From behind H-H) I don't recall making you my partner.
H-H: (Starts turning towards Tridus) Whhhaatt, b-b-but U sa….
Swipe….
BSS: Oh man, he just cut off H-H's head! What a double cross!
Tridus gets down by H-H's decapitated head and starts screaming into his dead head.
Tridus: DTA you stupid bastard! Don't Trust Anybody! * And proceeds to open a beer and pours it over H-H's head. *
Shockwave checks both Peak_Man and H-H, and raises Tridus's hand.
MS: Wow, Tridus is the winner. It looks like he pulled it off.
The cameras switch back to inside the death match arena with Master Sidious and Big Sexy Stefan…
MS- Wow, I still can’t believe how Tridus pulled that off, by manipulating H-H he effectively used him to kill the much larger Peak_Man.
BSS- Yep, the ever present manipulator that Y2T is, he used him to his advantage. That’s what makes Tridus so effective in the death matches. His ability to use others to their potential, then drop them on their heads.
MS- Heh heh, good analysis there Big Sexy, lets hear some commentary from other fighters about this fight.
The screen comes back to life…
Deathwish DDW (NWD)- Yeah that fight was all right, I could have killed both them though without needing to resort to mind games. I did however like that move Tridus used on Peak_Man to turn the tide in their favor though. The “Vipers Bite” is an awesome move, but he would never get it on me, cause I’m just too damn quick and smart for Tridus.
British (NWD)- Yep, that match just shows why Y2T is the biggest thorn in our sides. He knows how to work the crowds as well as working a match. Although I believe that we will see less of Y2T in the coming season, cause we, the NWD, have some plans for that freak.
The LordDebt Angel- I am the lord of debtness, and I do not fear anything. Tridus was victorious in that match, but he still owes me. And the Lord of Debtness will always collect the debt. Grrrrrr (Rolls his eyes into his head)
Wacky Akky (Smoking some wacky tobakky)- Tee hee hee, ha ha, there are 20 lights on one side and only 15 on the other, imbalance he says, ha ha ha. That was too funny, ha ha ha.
The monitors switch back to Sidious and Big Sexy…
MS- Wow it seems everyone wants a piece of Y2T doesn’t it Big Sexy?
BSS- Yeah everyone but Akardam. Heh heh I want some of what he is smoking.
MS- Yeah lets hear what Y2T has to say about that, lets go to Big Sexys interview now.
BSS (Rubbing his forehead)- Umm, yeah, lets do that, I guess.
The screen changes again with both Big Sexy and Y2T, Tridus sitting face to face…
BSS- Well, welcome everyone! This is the first ever installment of the Sexy Interview Hour, well actually the conversations only are like 5 minutes but still, it is damn sexy. And oh, of course I am your host for the Sexy Interview Hour, Big Sexy Stefan! Well what a first interview I was granted, this man is no stranger to the death matches, as he was involved in several shows, as well as appearing in the death match ring THREE times! No other death match participant can say that! Well maybe except for Peak_Man, but the first fight he was in was not him, for that Peak_Man was killed. But if you want to get technical, I guess he was in the ring 3 times. Anyway, welcome to the Sexy Interview Hour Y2T.
Y2T- Why thank you Big Sexy, I do this for all my Tridaholics out there who can’t wait to see Y2T kicking the tires and lighting some butts on fire in the death match ring again.
BSS- Yes, yes, we can’t wait for it either. By the way, did I say I was sexy yet?
Y2T- Nope (Rolling his eyes)
BSS- Well I am. But lets talk about you.
Y2T- Ahh yes, that is my favorite subject.
BSS- So Tridus, tell us, what was the most exciting thing to happen to you in the death matches?
Y2T- Wow good question, there are several achievements that Y2T is very proud of. Lets see, beating Dorg, and Peak_Man, and H-H “Iootolah of Rock and Rolla” style. Also keeping Y2Ts fans from ever and I mean e-e-e-e-e-ever from being bored again. Also I can’t forget about the dialogue and mind games with one Peter, or as everyone but me thought, was actually Sid6.9.
BSS- Wait so you knew it wasn’t the real Sid6.9 all the time?
Y2T- Of course not. I knew it was Peter all the time.
BSS- Well why didn’t you say something when you knew.
Y2T- What and spoil all of my fun with screwing with his mind? No way, I wanted to do a little screw job first before I cleaned Peters clock. But lets get back to the most exciting thing to happen in the death matches.
BSS- Is it sexy?
Y2T- Why yes, yes it is.
BSS (With interest in his eyes)- Pray tell then.
Y2T- It was when I obtained the greatest weapon Y2T has ever owned. It is the 100 list Tridus Silly Stick.
BSS- That’s not sexy.
Y2T- Well that’s your opinion.
BSS- Okay so what was the biggest disappointment in the death matches?
Y2T- When the stick got broken, that was a sad day.
BSS- What? You mean that stick was the worst thing to ever happen to you?
Y2T (Thinks for a second)- Yep, pretty much.
BSS- Well this isn’t going as I had planned, well than tell us who you respect in the death matches? Who was your toughest challenge?
Y2T- Hmmm, who do I respect, Y2T!
BSS- You can’t say yourself.
Y2T- You didn’t say that in your question. And who is better than me?
BSS- Oh, heh heh, okay I see your point.
Y2T- Toughest challenge, hmmm, well I would probably have to say Dorg was the toughest, although I still won, so that’s not saying much for him.
BSS- Okay so who would you like to first face in the new season?
Y2T- That’s easy, Flutie 3:16 will fall before Y2T, I can guarantee it.
BSS- Okay, sounds good to me, well can I show you something?
Y2T- Sure
BSS- J
Y2T- What’s that?
BSS- =)
Y2T- Why are you doing that?
BSS- =)
Y2T- Okay, stop with the smiley face now.
BSS- =)
Y2T(Getting irritated) - I said cut it out!
BSS- =)
Y2T- Okay I’ve had enough of this.
And Y2T gets up from his chair and walks out of the room…
BSS- =)
The cameras switch back to Master Sidious and Big Sexy at the death match arena…
MS- Well I’d say that was a pretty good conversation there Big Sexy, right up until the end.
BSS- =)
MS- Why are you doing that now?
BSS- =)
MS- Stop it Big Sexy, it’s not funny.
BSS- =)
MS- Oh, you, oh well, it looks like Big Sexy has got a case of the evil smileys. So lets see our #2 bout. It was a terrific and climatic finish to a season filled with much suspense and great death match action. It was the match featuring The Corporation in Lord DebtAngel, SM_007, and of course Y2T vs. the NWD British, Flutie 3:16, Deathwish DDW and of course Sid6.9. This was billed as a first dead, all dead match, as the first team member to die, the rest of the team would have been taken completely out with our sharp shooters around the ring side area. This match featured a big surprise ending, and one that was also devastating to the death match itself. So lets take a look at this most outstanding match, hey Big Sexy?
BSS- J
MS- * Sigh * Okay lets see the match then,
by the way fans, we take you to the exciting conclusion due to time
constraints. We seen Y2T come out early
on and not trust his partners due to some mind games by Sid6.9, but Y2T showed
who was playing the mind games here in the end. So here is the show…
And the television monitors switch once
again…
2.
The Corporation- Lord DebtAngel, SM_007, and Tridus
Vs.
The
NWD- British, Flutie 3:16, Deathwish DDW, and
Sid6.9
In
The
Big Bang
BSS- Yep and he just got his stick back and British still has Debt Angel on his shoulders.
Tridus enters the ring does a summersault and strikes British in the kneecap, making him buckle just a bit. Tridus whacks him in the lower back, as Sid6.9 approaches Tridus with the steel pipe in hand. Y2T once again whacks British in the back of the leg, finally causing him to falter with the weight of Debt Angel on his shoulders. But from behind Sid6.9 rears back on the steel pipe to strike Tridus, when he suddenly ducks and jabs the stick backwards catching Sid6.9 in the gut. Sid6.9 drops the pipe as he grabs his stomach. SM_007 finally gets back in the ring, walks to Sid6.9, turns him around, flips him off, then gives him a DDT straight into the mat.
MS- Yes, yes, yes! DDT, DDT, DDT!
BSS- Yep but if it weren’t for Tridus, this may have not happened.
MS- Nope it wouldn’t have.
Tridus grabs up Sid6.9 as Debt Angel deposits British over the top rope with a viscous belly to back suplex. SM_007 cracks Flutie 3:16 in the head with the steel pipe to once again knock him out of the ring. Deathwish DDW is still trying to get up, leaving Sid6.9 in the ring with Tridus, SM_007, and Debt Angel. Tridus grabs a microphone while he throws Sid6.9 to Debt Angel.
MS- Oh man they got him right where they want him.
Y2T- Hey Sidister! (Sid6.9 looks up at Tridus) Guess what boy? (Sid6.9 gets a pathetic look on his face) Dying time is here.
And with that Y2T brings the stick up high into the air, bringing it down swiftly towards Sid6.9.
MS- Oh man, oh man, why did he do that?
BSS- I don’t know.
Y2T stopped just before the fatal strike and honks Sid6.9’s nose, while Sid6.9 loses all bladder functions over his supposed demise. SM_007 gets back on the stick…
SM_007- Hey Sid, we told you we had surprises for you, well here is one more. * As he points to the back *
Master Sidious just smiles and crosses his arms as Big Sexy is clearly enthralled at what is happening.
From the back the music “Big Balls” by AC/DC is cranking out, and out from behind the curtain walks a man that has slightly longer hair than shoulder length, a beard, and is wearing an old tattered suit.
BSS- Is that who I think it is?
MS- Yep.
BSS- But Sidious, there’s two of them.
MS- Nope only one, the other is fake.
BSS- Oh god not this again Sidious, I can’t take this NetRanger crap again.
MS- Nope just watch.
This man climbs in the ring, as British, Deathwish, and Flutie all start to get back in as well, staring at the disheveled man. He takes the stick and looks at Sid6.9.
Man- Well it’s very interesting to actually see myself, it’s like looking into a mirror.
Sid6.9- Who is this bum, he looks like me, but he isn’t me. (Looking at the NWD members) Can’t you see what they are doing, they are trying to make you think I’m fake by bringing in a bum that looks like me.
Man- No! The imposter is you.
And the strange man grabs Sid6.9 by the collar, opens a knife and starts to cut and take his face off…
BSS- Oh my god he is removing his face! Oh this is disgusting.
By the time the man is finished we see a brown haired man with hazel eyes staring back at the other man that took his face off. The first strange man speaks again…
Man- Now fight fans, here is the real Sid6.9 * While pointing to himself * and he is * Sticks the microphone in his face *
Other Man (Embarrased and pissed)- Peter AKA Fake Sid6.9.
The fans all start to chat amongst themselves as Master Sidious suddenly leaps from the stands and charges at the ring.
MS- I knew it, I knew it all along. * As he gets in the ring Peter sees him coming * Come get some bitch!
And Master Sidious tackles Peter, beating him among the head and shoulders. Peter begs the NWD to help, but they just stand there flabbergasted at him. After a few minutes of beating, Sid6.9 grabs his shoulder and whispers something in his ear. Peter sensing the chance, gets out of the ring and starts to run up the ramp…
Peter AKA Fake Sid6.9 (By the door leading outside)- You may think you had the last laugh, but this show is doomed!
And Peter hits the door to the outside, blocking it with a forklift. Meanwhile everyone in the ring just looks at one another. Just now realizing that if Peter had succeeded in taking out The Corporation, there would have been no stopping him. They all just stand there in silence, as Big Sexy and Shockwave to join them in the ring. Up on the Death Match-O-Vision the countdown to the year 2000 hits 30 seconds. But Meanwhile, outside…
Peter AKA Fake Sid6.9- So they found me out, hee hee hee, doesn’t matter, hee hee hee, I will still have the last laugh! (As he puts wires into a black box, flips up a switch that says TO ARM. A little red light blinks on another button)
Meanwhile inside the ring the fans and former competitors all start to countdown…
10…
9…
8…
7…
Meanhwile outside Peter flips the protective covering on the switch named DETONATE.
4…
3…
2…
Peter- Happy New Year War Room!
1…
0…
*KABOOM*
The television cameras switch back to Master Sidious and Big Sexy Stefan as they sit just staring at the monitor with solemn looks on there faces…
MS (While shaking his head)- Well that was truly the most devastating thing to ever happen here. Peter (AKA Fake Sid6.9) did come through on his promise of destroying the death matches. But as you already know, a lot of the participants as well as staff all survived his cowardly act.
BSS- Well not everyone Sidious. Many of the death match fans were hurt seriously, and a few were even killed.
MS- Yep but the biggest lose was of course, one of the most talented performers in SM_007, or as he was known before that as Edge. He was a true com…
Suddenly there is static on the television screens, then a face appears before them. The dark eyes, with shoulder length hair, the sloped nose and cleft chin stare directly at Sidious and Big Sexy…
Man_ Oh boo hoo hoo, SM_007 died, oh boo hoo hoo. You know it’s dangerous in the death matches. If you can’t take a little bloody nose, then you should get out of the burning house. (Starts laughing maniacally)
Big Sexy- Umm, Sidious, who is that?
MS- Damn you Peter, Damn you to hell! You destroyed the one thing we all hold dear, in the death matches. And yeah I know it is a dangerous place to work, but you did a cowardly thing, and I hope to see you burn in he…
Peter (AKA Fake Sid6.9)- Temper, temper there oh Sidious, no need to get personal.
BSS- (To Sidious)- Umm, who is Peter Sidious?
MS- (To Big Sexy)- He’s the guy that destroyed the death match arena you idiot!
BSS- Oh…….when?
MS (Irritated)- At the Big Bang show, remember?!?
BSS- Oh.
MS- How dare you come back here again Peter. Just get the hell out of here before some bad things might happen to you. Sid6.9 didn’t want you around then, and he won’t want you around now! So take the hint and leave the death matches alone.
Peter- Oh no my dear Sidious, I will not be leaving you alone. Sid6.9 made a big mistake by not letting me in the damn death matches. And I nearly showed him, if it weren’t for Tridus and you! Oh you, yes you my dear Sidious, you shall pay, as will everyone involved in the death matches! Killing SM_007 was only the beginning. And as all good things often do…………THEY END!
And with that the screen goes to static again…
MS (To the static screen)- Damn it, no, no damn it no! Damn you Peter! I will see you eat those words! Come on and get me you little freak! I’ll tear you up like a Kleenex in a snot party boy! I’m going to sho…
BSS (To Sidious)- Umm, I think he is gone Sidious, please calm down, you are scaring me.
MS (Composes himself)- I’m sorry Big Sexy, that guy just burns my ass. I mean, he tries to take over the death matches, fails, then blows it up, and gloats about killing the most electrifying man in sports entertainment history. And then he tells us that he is coming back?!? Well I for one hope he comes back straight in. (Starts getting upset again) I intend on dishing out some serious punishment to him!
BSS- Relax Sidious, I think you should leave the action to the professionals. Let Y2T, Flutie, or better yet Peak_Man take care of him.
MS- You are probably right Big Sexy, but if I see him first, I won’t be held responsible for what I’ll do to him.
BSS- Okay, well lets take a look at our final match for tonight, okay Sidious?
MS- Yes, exactly, lets put that little turd out of our minds and concentrate on the show. No need for him to ruin an already exciting evening.
BSS- I know what you mean Sidious, just feel my nipples!
MS- Umm, that’s okay Big Sexy, I’ll take your word for it. Anyway, our number one match speaks for itself. It is the very first death match we ever had. And we figure that there is nothing better than to enjoy the first match of the most electrifying man in sports entertainment history.
BSS- Yep, he may be gone now, but he is not forgotten. So lets see, the one and only Edge, in his first match and his, (Starts crying) last match to be seen…
1.
Masta Fujji
Vs.
Edge
In
The
most electrifying man in sports entertainment
MS: All right fight fans the battle is underway.
BSS: It looks like Masta Fujji didn’t hear my comments before cause he is going straight at Edge!
Edge throws 2 mean punches at Masta Fujji who ducks them and connects with a groin shot with his right knee.
MS: Oh ho, that’s gotta hurt the little misses back home.
With Edge on the mat, Masta Fujji proceeds to club him with his “baseball bate forearm”. And man is he cranking on him hard.
BSS: The “baseball bat forearms”, it looks like Edge may be in trouble.
MS: I don’t think so Big Sexy, look!
Just as Masta Fujji is about to jump on Edge, he kicks a foot out sending him half way across the ring.
Both Edge and Masta Fujji get up and…
Masta Fujji: Oh hey Edge, I brought a little something with me. * And with that he pulls out some cards *
Edge: Oh god no, you’re a “superfriend” aren’t you.
Masta Fujji: Here meet the Ogre.
And with that he throws the card at Edge catching him on the shoulder, cutting off a 6-inch piece.
MS: Oh that isn’t fair. We had no idea he was a “superfriend”.
Shockwave takes a look at Edges shoulder, then back at Masta Fujji and says.
SW: I’ll allow it!
Masta Fujji: Here’s the Orc.
Flings the card catching Edge in the thigh. The card just sticks there and blood flies everywhere.
Masta Fujji: And finally here’s Bob from Accounting.
He flings the card and it sticks in Edge’s forehead. Edge falls face first to the mat.
BSS: Oh no Sidious, it looks like Edge is in serious trouble.
MS: I should say so, it appears that Masta Fujji is attempting his finisher.
Masta Fujji (grabs both of Edges legs and looks out into the audience): This is for all my homies back in da hood playing dungeons and dragons and drinking their Kool-Aid.
He proceeds to twist his legs and grab one arm, he stretches Edges legs out fully, almost into a split.
MS: It looks like Edge is going to be split in half. The match is virtually over now.
Just then the white Polynesian cat jumps into the ring and over by Edges free arm. He grabs the cat by the tail and flings it into Masta Fujjis face.
BSS: Oh he just clobbered him with that pussycat.
MS: Yeah I guess you could say that is the very first pussy Masta Fujji has ever had.
Both announcers get a good laugh.
Edge walks over to his dazed and confused opponent and starts smacking him left and right. He grabs Masta Fujji by the sides and starts to tickle him relentlessly, then suddenly picks him up and with a swift move, slams him head first into the mat.
MS: (slamming his fist on the desk) Tickle Me Elmo Death Drop, Tickle Me Elmo Death Drop!!!!!
BSS: That’s right, he used his setup, just can he finish him now.
Edge picks up his nearly unconscious foe and rams one fist down Masta Fujjis throat.
Edge:(with evil intent in his voice) Hey Fujji, every wonder what your bunghole tastes like?
Masta Fujji: (With eyes wide open) Mfffflfffflffflll!!!!
And with one quick pull, pulls Masta Fujjis anus up into his throat.
MS: Oh he did it, it’s the Anus Pull from Hell! I’d say this fight is over.
BSS: Yep I guess Masta Fujji can’t say he doesn’t talk crap anymore. Heh heh.
BSS: When he wakes up in the morning he is going to have butt breath. Ha ha ha ha.
BSS: When he…
MS: Okay enough Big Sexy.
BSS: Oh sorry sometimes I get carried away.
Shockwave (to Masta Fujji): Speak to me son! Can you go on?
Masta Fujji: ………………
Shockwave (raises Edges hand): And your winner is Edge (Limited Time Only)!
The monitors switch back to Master Sidious and Big Sexy Stefan, who look solemn at best…
MS (In a whispered tone)- That was Edge folks, at his finest.
BSS (Sobbing softly)- What a true death match competitor. He did know how to bring the excitement to the death matches didn’t he?
MS- Lets take a look at what the other fighters had to say…
The monitor quickly changes as the fighters eulogize a lost fighter…
Flutie 3:16 (NWD)- (lifts his beer up)- Here’s to you Edge. That match was truly outstanding. I’m just sorry it wasn’t me to kill you sad silly sorry ass.
Deathwish DDW (NWD)- Edge is dead? Cool! Can I have his gimmick? I hate the one I have now.
British (NWD)- So what, I’m still alive.
Peak_Man (NWD)- Now I’m hungry.
Styx- Sorry to see you gone Edge/SM_007, you will be sorely missed, and don’t worry, I’ll finish what you started.
Wakky Akky- Hee hee hee, this shit is good. (While looking at his wakky tobakky)
Sub Level 27- Better you than me.
Y2T- You were the true hero to the fans Edge! You always had more than me, but I always wanted to let you know that I did smell what Edge was cooking.
The monitor once again switches back to Sidious and Big Sexy, who is bawling like a baby.
MS- Well, we say good-bye to the man that started it all, and for him, finished it.
BSS (Crying)- What a hero, what a man, what, what (Breaks down to unintelligible words)
MS (Handing Big Sexy a hanky)- It’s okay Big Sexy, Edge/SM_007 may be gone, but he is not forgotten, lets take a last special look at this man. And remember Fight Fans, I am Master Sidious.
BSS- And * sniff * I am Big Sexy * sniff * Stefan, the Human * sniff * Love Machine saying…
Both together- Good fight, good night!
The screen changes to show stills of Edge/SM_007 as the 10 count from the bell tolls…
Ding-----(Screen shows Edge performing the “Anus Pull from Hell” on Masta Fujji)
Ding-----(Still of Edge holding a microphone in hand)
Ding-----(Still showing Edge on the ropes smelling the air for the electricity the fans are giving him)
Ding-----(Still showing Edge raising the death match eyebrow)
Ding-----(Still showing Edge and Y2T verbally sparing on mics)
Ding-----(Still showing Edge grabbing Sid6.9 and watching Sid lose his bladder functions)
Ding-----(Still showing Edge talking to the death match fans as he ditches his Edge gimmick for SM_007)
Ding-----(Still showing SM_007, Y2T, and Lord DebtAngel standing by each other with smiles on their faces)
Ding-----(Still showing SM_007 smacking around British)
Ding-----(Still showing Edge with Shockwave holding his hand high after his victory over Masta Fujji, his other hand held up with his thumb pointed upwards)
The screen slowly fades to black…
FRIDAY NIGHT WAR ROOM DEATH MATCH IS A REGISTERD TRADEMARK OF SID6.9 ENTERPRISES, ANY REBROADCAST IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED WITHOUT CONSENT FROM SID6.9 ENTERPRISES.